ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

How to be Secure in a Relationship

Updated on June 18, 2013

What it Means to be Secure in a Relationship

When you are secure in your relationship you are totally confident about yourself and your partner. You have enough self esteem to know that your partner is not cheating on you or lying about things and you do not spend all of you time worried about what they are doing. You are still in love with the person but have your own life and could be just fine living on your own.

When you are secure, your mood does not depend on how your relationship is going that day. Insecurity can lead to you depending on that other person to make you feel worthy and wanted. If you are not secure in your relationship it most likely will not last long. Your partner will see that they have to spend too much time making you feel good instead of just enjoying you and having fun together.

Are You Insecure in Your Relationship?

If you are insecure in your relationship then there are some things that need to change. Not only will becoming secure help your relationship, it will also help you have more confidence and boost your self-esteem. If you are insecure because of something your partner has done then maybe the issue lies with them.

Either way, you need to find the root of your insecurity and bring it to a halt. Otherwise, you will not have a successful life or relationship.

How to Stop Being Insecure in Your Relationship

Stopping insecurity can be difficult because it is part of your personality. You have probably formed habits because of your insecurity like looking through your partners things or finding other ways to spy on them even if they have never broken your trust. These habits can be stopped by forming new habits that make you feel good about yourself. Over time, you won't even think about the old ones because you are too busy loving yourself and your partner to let those old ghosts out of the closet.

You need to do things for you in order to feel secure. Maybe you are just insecure with your looks or your body so you fear your partner will look for someone else. Here are some new things to try to get you feeling better about your appearance so you know your partner is not going to wander:

  • Join a gym. Making exercise a part of your life will be a huge boost to your confidence and how you feel about yourself. Not only will your body look great but you will also feel better mentally.
  • Do something new for yourself. The possibilities here are endless. You can get a new haircut, new clothes, get your nails done, anything that makes you feel good. Don't worry about whether or not your partner is going to like it. This is completely for yourself and should be something you want and enjoy.

If you are insecure because of things your partner says or does maybe it's time to reevaluate who you are with. Some people are manipulative and know the things they say and do will affect you so they will purposefully make you feel insecure with yourself, and in turn, you will depend on them to make yourself feel better. Here are some red flags to look out for in your relationship:

  • Your partner constantly puts you down and reassures you that they are there for you. This is manipulation at its finest. They make sure you know you are not good enough but they "love you anyways".
  • You are worried that they will cheat because they have done it in the past. Some people can get over it and rebuild trust and some can't. This depends on how much you really love the person and whether or not you can look past what they have done.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Great topic and presented very professionally. Thanks for sharing.

      I will tell you the truth. I really love this hub. And here are the reasons why:

      1. This is an excellent piece of writing. Simply amazing.

      2, I loved the way you worded this hub.

      3. Graphics, superb.

      4. This hub was helpful, informative and very interesting.

      5. Voted Up and all of the choices.

      6. I loved your topic.

      You are certainly a gifted writer. Please keep up the fine work.


      Kenneth Avery, Hamilton, Alabama

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Making a relationship secure is not always an easy approach it all depends on trust and communication your helpful ways sounds promising.

    • Rebecca2904 profile image

      Rebecca 5 years ago

      Good hub, really makes you think about how your relationship makes you feel and how your attitude to your relationship might be affecting your partner. I do think looks is quite a shallow concern though, although it does affect a great number of us, myself included. Perhaps you could also address some other concerns people might have that affect their self-esteem. For example, I'm finding it difficult to find a job at the moment which is why I joined Hubpages - it's something and creative to do, with the added bonus of possibly being able to make a little money from it, and it sure beats watching TV all day.