- Gender and Relationships
How to be a Good Kisser
In the movie "Hitch", Will Smith's character, Alex ‘Hitch' Hitchens, is a date doctor who counsels Albert, played by Kevin James, on how to get the girl of his dreams to notice him. Once that's over, he coaches Albert on how to behave during their first date. One of the topics he covers is how to go about getting a great first kiss. Hitch employs the 90/10 technique. If they've had a pleasant evening and Allegra is hesitating at the door before going inside after Albert has walked her home, then he should gently lean in for a kiss by going 90% of the way, allowing her to go the remaining 10% if she's interested. Luckily for Albert, the method works, and he and Allegra end the movie happily married.
A first kiss is very important. It sets the precedent for all kisses to follow, and can be a huge determining factor as to whether or not you'll want to see the person again. My very first kiss was in ninth grade to a guy whose name I can't remember because after that one instance I only referred to him in my head as Lizard Tongue.
Let that be lesson number one: easy on the freaking tongue. At the very beginning of a first kiss, try to refrain from shoving your tongue down her throat. All you need to start with is a gentle, relaxed mouth that is slightly open to let her know that you're interested in kissing with tongue further down the line if she's interested, too. Holding her hand to bring her in for a kiss is nice move, it suggests interest without being invasive.
Lesson number two: You will know within ½ a second whether or not she's into the kiss. If she meets your slightly open mouth with cold, pursed lips, or giggles and pats your arm in a "There, there, that's enough now" sort of way, it's best to retreat. You took a shot, you went for it, good for you, now back it up.
Lesson number three: A good kiss involves more than just the mouth. If she shows signs of satisfaction such as eagerly kissing you back, squeezing your hand, putting her arms around your neck, then you can proceed. Cradle the back of her head with your hand, or pull her closer to you by guiding her waist. Caress her face softly and subtly with your hands and fingertips. The kiss will progress naturally at this point; you'll be altering your moves to match her kissing style, and she'll be doing the same. Eventually, if the chemistry is right, you should end up with a comfortable kissing style all your own.
Lesson number four: When it's time for tongue (and be warned, there are some girls who don't enjoy deep, tongue kisses, it's just a personal preference) gently introduce it by circling the tip of your tongue around hers. If it feels right, then you can go a little bit deeper, swirling both your tongues together. Either way, you're not going for Dentist of the Year award here. There's no need to perform a tonsillectomy. Some people mistakenly think that deeper is better.
Lesson number five: Remember to swallow. For some reason, it seems that men produce more saliva than women. If you're in the midst of a kiss and you notice that you're drooling, something is very wrong. Swallow frequently to prevent excessive moisture. A kiss can be dry and still be sexy.
Finally, lesson number six: Don't forget the value of make-out sessions. A good, five minute kiss does not mean sex has to immediately follow, nor does it mean that it should. Relax and take things slow, enjoy each other's company and take the time to learn each other's bodies. Kissing can be an orgasmic experience in and of itself, and if you are eventually lucky enough to sleep with her, she'll appreciate the fact that you didn't rush into it.