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How to be intimate with your husband? Intricate tips!

Updated on December 15, 2013

‘Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.’- Robert Sternberg

You always link the word intimacy with the physical relationship you enjoy with your spouse. But in actual fact its meaning has a much broader arena. You might be sexually intimate with your husband, but this in no way suggests you are close to him.

Is intimacy with your husband always physical? It strangely is not! Sexual intimacy lasts for a few minutes and can give you immense pleasure, but it has no sustaining power to make your husband drawn towards you. It is very surprising how your husband makes an about turn in his attitude towards you after marriage.

When in love, it is your beauty that bewitches him and he is completely drawn by your attractive looks. But after marriage he seeks something else from you and he needs more than your physical proximity to be attracted to you.

Though he likes to be physically intimate with you, it is not that pronounced as it was before.

Why has he changed?

What does he exactly want from you?

A man is basically vulnerable and depends on his wife for his mental stability and so he seeks emotional support from you to make him relaxed and stress free in his day to day life. He seeks emotional intimacy from you.

What does emotional intimacy mean?

It means you know his inner needs and act according to his inclinations so that he feels you are always there to support him. You should connect with him psychologically and mentally to become intimate with him.

  • He wants your support when he is tensed and worried.
  • He wants relaxation and comfort at home.
  • He wants you to boost up his sagging morale.
  • He wants you to understand his inner feelings.
  • He wants you to point out his mistakes in a pleasing way.
  • He wants your affection and care.

Do you know the most important quality that brings you closer to him?

  • It is the comfort you give him. So become a comfortable wife!

Are you bewildered at what comfortable wife mean?

When you are too restrictive, clinging and demanding he feels suffocated. He wants some comfort and relaxation when he is home, but if you make his stay at home torturous by nagging him threadbare, he feels his home a jail and wants to get out of the place.

You might argue that he is not responsible and you have to remind him of his duties. Very true! He must share the family commitments equally so that you are not drowned by the work load thrust on you by his negligence.

When you are domineering and bossy with your husband, he shuts you out of his mind and lives a superficial life completely lacking in love and respect for you. But when you talk with him reasonably and explain family matters softly, you will be amazed by the instant positive reaction you get from him.

Your husband hates nagging and domination and also the all-controlling attitude you possess. He becomes aloof and detached if you try to control him and you can never hope to have any emotional intimacy with him.

Sexual intimacy is just a fleeting closeness he enjoys with you and he forgets it very easily. But when you are comfortable to live with, he adores you and becomes completely attracted to you. The easy companionship you give, your understanding attitude towards his problems, the motherly care you show, the emotional support you give all make him come intimately very close to you.

When he sees all these qualities in you, he feels he has married the best woman on earth. This is the intimacy you should develop with your husband. It has an everlasting positive impact in your relationship with him. When you combine these qualities with your physical intimacy, your married life is an eloquent example of a near perfect marriage.

© 2013 mathira


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      Robert E Smith 3 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I agree with you 100%. Intimacy is probably THE most important part of the equation. It is in intimacy that vulnerabilities are visible and where weaknesses become strengths. It is within that same intimacy with each other that a couple praying together can bring a bond of spiritual strength into the marriage that is stronger than iron. I voted up and awesome!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Perspycacious, thank you for the visit.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 4 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      I am glad you put in this caution to the male about his duties to his wife: "You might argue that he is not responsible and you have to remind him of his duties. Very true! He must share the family commitments equally so that you are not drowned by the work load thrust on you by his negligence."

      Perhaps "argue" is not the best word choice, but the point was needed.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      klidstone, thank you for the visit.

    • klidstone1970 profile image

      இڿڰۣ-- кιмвєяℓєу 4 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

      Marriage is not an easy thing and takes a lot work to be successful, but you have offered an array of suggestions to help. Well done.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      You are always encouraging, billy.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      A very important topic my friend. This should be read by every married couple.