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Help Yourself and Your Children Cope Divorce.
We all know what Divorce is all about. Legally speaking, when the divorce is finalized, it's the time where a used to be legally married couple is no longer related anymore after a thorough and long legal process. Before you both get the finalization of divorce, there are a lot of emotional painful attachment that comes with it while dealing the process. The divorce process itself is painful for both the husband and wife, because two people who used to love each other are like dying to run away from each other.
Was the process painful because the fact that the person you used to love or you still love does not love you any more or have deeper reason to not love you anymore and run away from you? Whatever the reasons might be for proceeding is indescribable? There are many, many reasons why many couples decide to end their relationship, but it is indeed a very painful and frustrating process, which the end result after the finalization of the divorce will not give each of the couple any feeling of fulfillment, instead more pain and depression and more problems if a couple divorcing has children.
Divorce is more complicated for couples with children.
The process of Divorce is already devastating for couples, then how much more if there are children involved? It is mind-boggling to think that each parent will not only have to deal with their emotion, but also have to deal with their children's feelings. Divorce is more difficult and complicated to finalize for couple that has children. Even the judge who will finalized the divorce for couples with children has to be very careful and considerate in deciding this very complicated legal way of ending a relationship. Yes granted, the relationship between couple can be ended, but being a parent will never stop even after the divorce is finalized and that's when the challenge for every couple especially for the mother comes in.
New chapter and new rules.
After the divorce has been finalized, then new sets of rules will be implemented. Most of the time the mother will get the custody of the children, what's new? And then the father will be granted visitation rights. The mother will need to be strong not only for herself but also for her children. The word unfair really applies because the father can only show up, visit the kids when things started to cool down. How convenient? But the mother will have to be there all the time, even when it's the peak of the pressure and confusion. We can't complain, as a mother we need to be able to come up with strength to absorb and face the impact of the unpleasant situation.
You can't just run away.
Why can't we just run away from our ex wife or ex husband after divorce? Even if you have children or you have none, running away although it's the most preferred route of every person after divorce is the most impossible path to take. It may be possible for some just to go away, move away to where they can cope alone and start a new life, but for most of us we don't have that option especially when you have growing children and that's when the mother play an important role in making the children understand the big change of life after the divorce is finalized.
The mother always needs to be strong for the sake of the children. Also, it is frustrating to think that the responsibility that supposed to be performed by the couple--the mom and dad--is now solely your own. Being regretful on what just happened after the divorce is finalized will not help you and your children. You have to be realistic and accept that you are the sole responsible at your household. It is for sure not easy for mother to handle this phase of your life, that's why every helpful and effective advice that you can grab for you to cope this situation, you should consider applying for a smoother way of dealing the aftermath of divorce. Here are some tips that might help you.
Share and voice out what you feel with people who cares about you.
When we are emotionally down we have different way of dealing it. Some tends to bury themselves in the comfort of their room and some work for longer hours. Most of the time we uses that excuse to isolate ourselves, because we are scared that the issue will be brought up, but remember it is not healthy to just let your emotions build up in your chest, you need to let it out.
Share what you feel with your trusted friends or with your family. It doesn't matter if they listen or not, if they comment or not, the important thing is you need to voice it out. The more you voice it out, the less pain you will feel every time you share. Think of it as you are vomiting, clinically speaking we puke because it's our bodies way of pushing out the bad chemicals out of our body, so then talking about your divorce is a way of pushing it out little by little out from your mind. You have to taste and feel the pain before you feel better. Take note, do the vomiting or the talking with your family or trusted friends they will never mind the mess.
Spend more time with your children
Spend more time with your children. Don't intentionally make yourself busy to justify your feelings. If you are intentionally not wanting to talk about it, that is not good. You have to remind yourself that you are not the only one hurting, your children too! Gather all your courage to talk with your children about it. Encourage them to open up about what they feel and let them voice out their fears and concerns. Assure to them that they for some point already lost the presence of their father, but you are completely around and available for them.
It is difficult to find the courage to encourage your children to open about it, because you may have a hard time opening it up yourself, but you have to do this for yourself and your children to heal. You might all end up crying about the topic, but isn’t it great that you are there for your children when they wanted to cry. If all of you have the urge to cry altogether, do so, the healing process will be quicker.
Set new rules and implement new discipline method.
Teach your children to be more independent by giving them some household tasks or chores. Clearly explain to them that you need their help in maintaining the house. Show them how their little cooperation will help in keeping the house in order. Always give them praise and thank them when your children do finished their household chores. Implement proper discipline in the household when the required task is not accomplished. A lovable and responsible mother will always find a smooth way of implementing the discipline in a household that has no father authority anymore.
Teach your children the value of respect
After divorce, children normally have negative reaction about divorce and they normally have this feeling of hate and anger for their father. The father will normally think that you are feeding your kid's mind with hateful thoughts, so for you not to be accused, you need to put extra effort on this matter, because it will all reflect on you. So the best way to do is teach your children to treat others as you would like to be treated and teach them the importance of controlling their emotions by responding kindly and calmly although they are upset. Teach them that their father is still their father and he deserves to be respected in anyway.
Set a regular recreation day
Find time to have a regular recreation. Set Sunday or any day as a family day, which is always proven helpful. Because you’re the only one in charge in your finances, you probably have a problem about extending your budget. You can still have a great family time together without spending too much. Go to church, play in the park, do some picnics. This is very important so better keep this on your routine.
There are more challenges ahead as a single mother/parent, but if you apply all these advice you will be able to move on and pass over the aftermath of divorce. You will succeed in raising your children all the way to their adulthood. When we are able to raise responsible and generous children despite the fact that we raised them alone, we will have the feeling of great accomplishment. In time, you might not even remember how devastating divorce was after seeing how responsible your children become. A feeling of fulfillment that a mother could ever feel!