- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
How to break in a man
It's all in the initial training
Think of a man like you'd think of your dog or cat, or horse if you're lucky enough to live on a farm. If you have a pet, you have to train them properly otherwise your life will just be one constant irritation. It's the same as with a man. If he does things which annoy you and drive you scatty, it's because you did not do the intial training. You expected that 'being in love' would be enough. It isn't. The initial glow of love that makes you look on your man through rose-coloured glasses does wear off over time. In some cases, it wears off pretty quickly. Too quickly. And you suddenly notice that he only has a sixpack when he's on the beach and needs to look good. Remember, you can't change a man, but you can educate him to your way of thinking. The training as to what you deem to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, has to be done early in. Too late and you'll never be able to train them.
Breaking him in is not the same as breaking him
Just so that we get this part clear. Breaking in your man is gently instructing him on how you expect him to behave in your home, his role, your expectations, and showing him ways in which he can achieve this.
On the other hand, breaking a man is destroying him completely by nagging, bitching and being overly-critical of his feeble attempts to please you.
A man that has been correctly broken-in is a pleasure to have around you. A man that has been broken is a pathetic wimp that has as much macho masculine charm as a stray dog with mange and a broken back leg.
Communication is the key
There is truth in the old adage, "Never let the sun go down on your anger." Never go to bed in a bad mood and with the sulks. If he's done something that pissed you off, you need to tell him. Tripping over your pouting lips and walking around with a hangdog expression makes you a fool, not a burning martyr. This kind of thing can destroy a good relationship.
Right at the beginning, before either of you moves in with the other, you need to explain your expectations and give clear guideline of what you do and don't expect. If you hate laundry lying on the floor you need to make this clear from the start. Dropping subtle hints a few months later are not going to work and will be like water off a duck's back. If you are a miserable bitch when you have your period, then yu need to forewarn him that there will be times of every month when he must avoid pushing your buttons at all costs and you will be suffereing from a serious case of sense of humour failure. Draw up a list of do's and don'ts and get him to do the same. It's pointless being irritated with each other over small things which could have been so easily rectified in the beginning.
Set aside some 'us' time for a few minutes every night when you just talk about your day, thinks annoying you and so on. Many men stray not because their woman is ugly or they're not getting enough sex, many times it's because they just want someone to listen to them. It's the sharing and communication they are after, rather than the sex.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T spells respect
What you put out into the universe is what you get back, how you treat someone is how they'll treat you, how you speak to someone is how they speak to you. many women complain that their men speak to them like they are a dog. Stop barking and yapping at your man, and then he'll stop treating you like a dog.
Respect his personal space and his achievements and he'll respect yours. Support him in his endeavours and he'll support you in yours. And be polite! If he has left his clothes on the lounge floor and his shoes in the passage, don't nag. Use humour in these situations. For example, lay his clothes out like a dead body on the passage floor, as if they were walking to the bedroom and got tired. He'll have to step over the clothes to get to the bedroom and will immediately get the message and pick them up. This is how men learn. You want him to wash the dishes, then invent a 'doing the dishes dance.' Carry two dirty dishes into the lounge where he is probably sitting engrossed watching TV, and make them dance in front of him having funny conversations with each other. He might think you're a crackpot, but he will laugh and he will get the message. Humour works everytime. Then the next time, just start humming your dirty dishes ditty, and like a well-trained robot, he'll get up and wash the dishes.
Laugh, laugh, laugh. Laughing together will bring you closer and make him more subservient. Think of ways you can bring fun into your relationship. Make your man eager to come home and spend time with you. If you are more fun than his friends, he'll rather spend time with you.
Get him to watch your favourite soap operas and TV shows, and have fun tearing the characters to shreds and having a good laugh at their expense. But then, make an effort to watch his sports with him as well. It might be a good idea not to make fun of his favourite players or team, but you can do that to the opposition. He'll appreciate that.
So communicate with each other, show each other respect and have fun. Everything else will follow!