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How to cope with a cheating husband

Updated on May 28, 2008

Cheating husband pays

Is there still a chance of working it out

You worked so hard to have a wonderful wedding and you succeeded beyond your wildest expectations. Now years later, because you have both been working hard to save for your home, have you neglected the love, sex, and romantic times together, you and your partner need?

Never be complacent in thinking with the ring on your finger, it will guarantee you a lifetime of wedded bliss. It takes much more than that.

Your husband is late home from work again. The chops are so crisp on the outside, that they look more like rocks. Annoyed you give up and feed it to your dog. He arrives home later, with a plausable sad tale. He apologizes for not ringing, he was busy trying to start the car and is drenched from the rain.

Do you feel sorry for him? No! This is the fifth time something has delayed him in the last month. He inquired about dinner and you tell him the dog enjoyed it.

That did not go down very well, but he needed to know you work too. After all, you are not his slave. More and more doubts are creeping into your mind.

While doing the washing a piece of paper drops onto the floor from his pocket. Feeling a little guilty you dial the number and a woman answers. Confront him; show him the piece of paper. Again, he has a plausible excuse. Now what do you do? Watch and wait. You need to find proof. Some men will lie and not admit to being unfaithful. Make sure you get the facts straight before you change the locks.

Forgive and forget

He may admit it, and promise never to do it again. He is after all the guilty party, so if he shows signs of remorse, give him a chance to prove that he wants to save the marriage. If you really love him, and are prepared to give him that chance, then, agree to live with him and trust him. By that, I mean forgive him and not hold it over his head every chance you have.

Do not second-guess everything he does by throwing it back at him, or he will leave anyway. Forgiving is not easy, no one said it would be. Marriage is a contract for life; in sickness and health until death do us part. Remind him that you both agreed to that, so you both need to try and work it out together.

No second chance

If your marriage cannot be reconciled, then make an effort to sit down and talk. Work things out amicably where possible. If you cannot then make sure, you find yourself a good lawyer. Remember they do not come cheap. So the more you can work out between yourselves the less they will charge.

If there are children involved, it will take a lot more work. Splitting the visitation times can be a nightmare. Do not involve them in this confrontation. Have these chats when they are at school or at a friend's place.

Never fight it out in front of them. It is not their fault, so do not make them feel guilty as though it is.

Marriage counciling

Suggest that you seek guidance by going to see a marriage counciler. They could advise you on ways to sort out some of the problems that neither of you are willing to admit too. Nothing is simply black and white, there are often grey areas not obvious to the couple themselves.

Be strong, patient and do not blame yourself. A marriage is a partnership, therefore it involves the two of you. Anyone can make a mistake, although, if it continues, do not tolerate it.

Wife Catches Husband


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    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 6 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      Stars439, thanks for that, yes we all need to try harder and talk things over with partners. Especially if there are children involved.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Great hub. I think marriage counselors are a great idea before giving up on a husband. God Bless You.

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 7 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      ashley, Very well said. Like you say, I believe that in the majority of cases (no not all) it takes two. A lot of times couple do not sit and talk their problems out.

      They yell and shout and it just turns into a blame game.

      sometimes feeling of failure, or lack of confidence, thinking it is always one partners fault can add to this.

      There fore if they would talk and LISTEN to each other there problems could often be resolved.

      I have been married for 40+ years and not it is not all plain sailing we have our ups and downs. But we talk. that is needed in any relationship. whether friends or marriages.

    • profile image

      Ashley 7 years ago

      YEP!! I was working 7 days a week, 3 jobs and going to school full time. I did not have time for my husband and this led to an affair. What he did was not right in any way... But I have learned about what I was doing wrong as well.

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 8 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      Anamika, You sound like a very person. And yes all work and no play makes us pretty dull thats for sure.

      Personally I would rather live with a thief than a cheater or a person that lies. Whats the saying you can catch a thief but it is harder to catch a lyer.

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S 8 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Yes, This is what happens with most people. You envolve yourself so much in work to provide a decent livilihood for the family and end up realizing that your partner has cheated on you while you were unavailable. Never ignore a partner too much that he/she would seek attention elsewhere is what i have to say on this subject.

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 8 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      pumpkin, I can understand your dilema. It will probably depend on the kids ages too. Can you talk to them and also how does he treat them, this is important as well. But, then again you are entitled to some kind of life too.

      I am no marriage counciler, so cannot advise you, maybe try seeing one of them together. Good luck hope you can sort something out for all concerned.

    • profile image

      pumpkin 8 years ago

      I have been married for 19 years and my husband has been cheating all along.I know I need to end this marriage but I think about the effect on my kids and want to wait it out. Honestly I dont know what I am doing with him because we have lived like stragers in the last five years

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 8 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      fishtiger, Sometimes we tend to take things for granted. At this time of year especially we need to think about other peoples problems.

    • fishtiger58 profile image

      fishtiger58 8 years ago from Momence, Illinois

      I feel bad for anyone who has a cheating spouse. Thankfully mine loves me and we have a wonderful marriage. Thanks for the great hub. Makes me appreciate what I have.

    • profile image

      Is My Man Cheating 8 years ago

      I worry and wonder if he is cheating. I guess the signs are so obvious...and I'm afraid to really find out. I feel like such a putz.

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 9 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      Aevans Thanks for stopping by

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 9 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      I have experienced that and we are still together as love prevailed overall. Thanks for the hub as it is always nice to see someone share something positive. :)

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 10 years ago from Northam Western Australia

    • soyelude profile image

      soyelude 10 years ago from Lagos - Nigeria

      Hear,hear...good hub. Pls write more on these. Thanx