ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to cope with being single again

Updated on October 25, 2010
Blue
Blue | Source

Dealing with divorce

How do you cope with being single again? Speaking from a personal viewpoint it is hard to come to terms with a divorce and it can represent a traumatic and life changing experience. Even though it was me that initiated the proceedings due to his infidelity, I still found it to be a shock to the system when I eventually found myself totally alone with four hyperactive children to look after.

It is important to remember that at the end of a relationship you will be feeling very vulnerable. You may find it hard to be alone again and can find yourself in a “rebound” relationship. This is neither fair on yourself and your new beau.

Allow yourself some time to heal your emotional scars and to regain some confidence and self esteem. Now is the time to evaluate your life and to take a good honest look at yourself and what your hopes and dreams are for the future.

You may regret what has happened and wish to turn the clock back. You go through different scenarios in your mind saying that you could have done this or made a different decision about that. Regret is very much to do with realising with hindsight that there may have been the opportunity to change something in your life but for some reason you didn’t do it at the time. Many times I would ask myself whether I could have turned things around. My biggest regret was that I was never going to know.

The first thing that can come as a shock is the lack of support. With no partner to help you with the school runs or to share the cooking and cleaning chores it can take a toll on your health and leave you exhausted. If you are finding this the case then don’t work yourself into the ground. If you are trying to keep the family in a routine that is familiar to them it can be laudable on your part, but also slightly unrealistic. The truth of the matter is that even though you are trying to cover the role of two people, there is in fact only one of you and you may be feeling pretty fragile.

Now is the time to call on the help of family and friends. If you have a good support system you will find that people are only too pleased to offer assistance. Make sure that at least some point in the day that you get five minutes to yourself to unwind, relax and do something that is important to you. Even if you take the time to have a nap, read the next chapter of your book, or listen to the radio or watch some TV, at least you are giving yourself the opportunity to recharge your batteries.

The other things that can have an immediate impact on your situation are your finances. With the loss of the main wage earner you will have to take a good hard look at what money you have coming in, and prioritise the payments that go out.

Make sure that you apply for any state benefits as soon as you can. Even if you haven’t got all the information they are asking for send the forms off anyway, you can always send the extra evidence later. The important thing is that you get your claim registered in the system.

Contact the bank and explain your situation. They may be willing to give you a mortgage holiday until you can get things sorted out with your ex. You will still have to make provision to pay your utilities such as gas, electric and water.

Now look at the other stuff that you pay for each month. Do you need to carry on paying gym membership each month? When was the last time you even read a book that the book club keeps sending you? Charity payments are also good but not at a time when they are going to help put you on the breadline.

Sit down and go through all the direct debits in your bank account and cancel every single one that you feel that you can do without. You will be surprised how much money you will save yourself in just one day!

Now you have your time management sorted and your finances in order, now what? Will you stay single for a while? or will you feel the need for some companionship?

You will know when it is time to start dating again. If you find it hard to meet new people, then arrange to go out with friends and family. Take things slowly. If you meet someone you like a lot explain that you have just come out of a divorce and will need some time to adjust. Ask him to be understanding and that you want to keep things on just a friendly basis at first. This will give you time to get used to being with someone new without the pressure of a full on relationship.

New start
New start | Source

You will get through it

However, it is amazing how quickly you can bounce back from misery and disappointment, and slowly but surely I began to recover. I asked for my family to baby sit for me and signed up to an art class, I became more involved with my children’s school, I even got myself a new job to better fit in with my child care arrangements.

I survived my divorce. It was hard and very upsetting at times, but I think the thing that got me through the rough times was the knowledge that I had four very sad and upset children who had undergone a very disrupting experience and needed me to be strong for them. I wanted them to know that their mummy was a survivor and that no matter what life threw at me that I would go on to make something of myself and never give up on my dreams.

It is important that your children can see you move on from a broken marriage. They need to know that even after upset and trauma that it is possible to be happy again. By letting go of the past you will be free to concentrate on your current needs and be able to make positive plans for the future.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)