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Getting Over Unrequited Love Quickly

Updated on November 7, 2016

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.

- Abraham Cowley

No one is more confused than the person suffering from unrequited love. They want to give up the lover but also continue their chase.Like a drug addict,they want what is causing them intense pain.

If love or a relationship is causing you deep pain, do not think more. Stop the confusion and just tell your mind its over.As long as hope is there, you cannot heal. Unrequited love is very unhealthy the sooner you stop it the better.DO not try to build your relationship with a person who does not feel for you as do for them.

‘’Pursuits should be limited to just a few attempts. If the person continues to withdraw, finds a new lover or returns to an old one, or otherwise resists efforts to revive the relationship, then it’s time to let go, no matter how painful that may be’’ says renowned Psychotherapist Susan Forward.

Learn to Understand Rejecting Statements

Often people suffering from unrequited love fail to understand rejecting statements.

If a person whom you have a crush on tells you, “It’s just that I don’t want to be in relationship right now,” It really means that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Do not think that she will want to be in a relationship later. If she doesn’t want it with you now she will not want it later.

If she says, “You’re a great guy and you have a lot to offer, but I’m not the one for you; my head’s just not in the right place these days,” Do not think that: “She really likes me; it’s just that she’s confused. I’ve got to prove to her that she’s the one for me.”Nothing you can do that will change her mind.She has rejected you.she has told you that she is not the one for you.Accept it.

Often people in order to be polite or because of some other reason do not express clear rejection.You have to learn to understand rejecting statements.

Other examples of rejecting statements are;

''I don't feel for you the way you do.''

'' I don’t ever want to see you again.''(this one is easier to understand but some people do not understand even this one)

''I don’t love you anymore.''

'' I’m not physically attracted to you.Lets just be friends.''

'' I don’t want to hurt your feelings,but you are not my type.''

when you hear any of the above statements or similar statements from your lover. Stop pursuing them.

Accept the rejection early

Acceptance is the key to happiness in life. There are some things in life that we cannot get,no matter how hard we try, so it’s better to stop chasing them. For instance an actress fails to get the role in a big movie, that she was really hoping for. It would be foolish for her to beg the director to cast her. The right thing for her to do would be to continue auditioning until she gets hired to perform in a good movie.

Similarly,If one person doesn’t like you, perhaps someone else will, continue asking people out, until you find the person who loves you.

Often not giving up, actually means, moving on from that particular instance, but trying again in a more general sense.So,The moment you realize that the person is not interested in you end contact.That will preserve your dignity. Susan Forward writes,

‘’Pain–whether physical or emotional--is nature’s way of telling us that something needs to be fixed. The natural reaction to pain is to do something about it. Healthy lovers do something constructive about the pain of rejection. Though the process may not be easy, they acknowledge their pain, recognize that they are in no win situation, and find ways to disconnect from their rejecting lover.’’

Gavin De Becker advises in his brilliant book ,The Gift of Fear ,That there's only one proper response to rejection and that is acceptance.

Throw away gifts and things that remind you of your lover.
Throw away gifts and things that remind you of your lover.

Throw away triggers

A trigger is anything that can remind you of your lover.This could be a photograph of both of you , gifts from your lover, food that you have kept in your fridge for your lover. Don’t go the restaurants that both of you used to visit and don’t listen to sad songs and watch romantic movies as these could also act as a trigger.The more triggers that you get rid of,the speedier would be your recovery.

Use it to improve

Sometimes rejection can be an important wake-up call.Because the rejecting lover often makes us feel that we are not good enough for them.Use it as a motivating force to become a better and better version of yourself. when your lover finds out how awesome person you have become he will realize his loss.

Avoid your lover

Susan Forward says’ ’rejection is an insult-an emotional slap in the face,’’. when someone slaps you hard,the best course of action is to walk away and stay as far away from that person as possible, so that they don’t slap you again. Repeated rejections are like multiple slaps in your face.It can hurt very much.

Unrequited love is very much like addiction. Just like a drug addict in order to recover needs to stay away from the drug, you too need to stay away from your lover. Total abstinence will heal you.Smoking a single cigarette puts in danger the recovery process of a person struggling to give up smoking.Similarly,a single meeting or spending even 5 minutes in your lovers company is not healthy for you.Avoid them completely.

Do not go to places your lover visits. Do not call,do not interact on Facebook. Either remove them from your friends list or simply avoid looking at their photos and reading their status. If they contact you its best to ignore or give one last short answer that you are having to deal with a serious issue at work or family so need some time.Do not give any response after that.

Do not be rude to your lover. Do not try to seek revenge,do not complain and do not express anger.If you are ever rude or violent towards your lover because they rejected you,they will begin to hate you and you definitely don’t want that. if you humbly accept rejection and remain distant, they will come to regret rejecting you. Their conscious will make them feel guilty that they hurt someone so nice.

Lots of people can be the One

When we are in love, we think that we are in love with most wonderful person in the entire world and that we will never meet someone like our present lover. This is a very false belief.It’s very much possible that if you stop pursuing this man you will find someone much better.

Lovers are not like parents.Lovers can always be replaced.

Pain is inevitable;suffering is optional
Pain is inevitable;suffering is optional

How to heal the pain of unrequited love

The pain of unrequited love is caused by repeated rejections. Sometimes the pain lasts even after you have stopped pursuing the lover.

Rejection hurts so much because it causes a hole in ego.Ego is a ‘’ false sense’’.

Rejection opens our eyes to reality.Before I experienced a big rejection in my life,I used to consider myself a wonderful and special person but rejection made me realize that I am not so wonderful.if I was really so good I would not have been rejected.Now I know that I am not special and I am not better than anyone else. I’m just different.I am a struggling human being with many flaws and imperfections.The things that I have in life are not because of my intelligence and handwork,as there are many people who are more intelligent and hardworking than me but they have less. Whatever I have are gifts from God.It’d be very wrong to take credit for the success that I have. Opportunities were offered by God.Strength that I used to seize opportunities was also offered by God.

I am not hub of universe of course someone can reject me.If you Stop thinking of yourself as someone special and better than others,rejections and humiliations will stop to bother you.The amount of pain that a person experiences upon rejection is directly proportional to the amount of arrogance they have. Rejection devastates narcissists because they are very arrogant.

It takes courage and humbleness to accept rejection.

You should welcome this rejection. There’s a treasure hidden in every tragedy. I'm sure the experience has taught you how it feels when someone rejects you or breaks your heart.This experience should make you more sensitive and gentle towards others.When dealing with people especially members of opposite sex be careful that you don't lead them on if you are not looking for a serious relationship or break their hearts.

Strictly practice monogamy.If you keep more than one sexual partner,it becomes very hard to protect your heart and also of others.

Are You thinking of Taking Revenge?

It's better not to think of revenge and not to take revenge.But,If the thoughts of taking revenge repeatedly come in your mind then i'll show you a smart way to take revenge--Indifference.

Indifference should be your goal. Show to your rejecting lover that they don’t even exist for you,that they are not worthy of your attention.Behave as if you don’t know them at all,nothing ever happened between the two of you.Be like a stranger to them.If you continue to practice indifference the time will come when you really don't feel anything for them.


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    • profile image

      Snigdha Purohit 

      19 months ago

      Thank you so much for writing this article. It's so relevant to what I am feeling right now. I was crushing myself to get over a person and I got depressed all the more. It is never good to put yourself down and put other person on the pedestal, and make yourself understand that you don't deserve him/her. It breaks one down more.

    • June Liandra profile image

      June Liandra 

      2 years ago from State of Wyoming

      when i was younger, i used to have a crush on this one old guy in our neighborhood, when we moved, all of it was gone, thanks for the reminder :)

    • passionatelearnr profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      Exactly MsDora,its our responsibility to protect ourselves from pain and hurt even if it comes from a lover.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      2 years ago from The Caribbean

      At the root of the solution, there has to be a healthy sense of self-worth which tells the rejected individual, "It is my responsibility to remove myself from hurt and pain." You give good advice.

    • passionatelearnr profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      Thank you for your insightful comments.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Great advice!

      It's also good to keep things in perspective.

      Life is a (personal) journey.

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Everyone rejects others and has been rejected. That's life!

      Thankfully there are over 7 Billion people on this planet! Odds are there are thousands if not millions of people who love and appreciate you.

      In order for him/her to have been "the one" they would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with YOU!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone doesn't want to be with you they don't think you're "special".


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