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How to dump your lover

Updated on August 14, 2011

Dumping your lover can be hard to do. After all, you loved this person and they loved you. There are bound to be hurt feelings and some resentment. In this article we will show you how to dump your lover in the most pain-free and quick manner possible.

Some points to keep in mind
If, at any point in the process you wonder whether you should do something, or not, ask yourself: "what would I want, if I where the one getting dumped?"

Dumping your lover is a bit like pulling off a plaster, it is best done in one quick sharp motion.

A dumping is a conversation not an announcement. Be ready to answer some uncomfortable questions.

Pretending that everything is ok, when it's not, is bad for everyone. Ending the relationship the right way, is the best thing, for both of you.

Don't let them find it out from someone else. Don't tell anyone before you do it.

Preparation for dumping your lover

Step 1: Getting your mind in the right place
In your mind, the relationship should already be over. Be prepared to go through with the dumping no matter what they say or do. You must deliver the dumping resolutely leaving no doubt in their mind that the relationship is completely and utterly over.

Step 2: Timing
There is never a good time to dump your lover. Timing wise, you should neither rush nor delay the event. I recommend deciding on a time in the next 7 days and then sticking to it.

Step 3: Location
You need to do this face to face. Dumping someone by email, voice message or with a letter is cowardly and should only be considered, if there really is no alternative.

Doing it publicly Generally I wouldn't recommend it. If however they are the type of person that will throw a tantrum in private, but not in public. Then it might be worth considering. Also if you are concerned that they might get physical, doing it in public might be a good idea.

Doing it at their place If you are able to dump them, at their place. That is a good option to consider. It means that if things aren't going well, you can get up and walk out. Also anything that gets broken isn't yours.

Step 4: Exit strategy
The more intertwined your lives are the harder it is to dump someone. It is essential to plan how you want every part of the breakup to go. For instance: if you are living together, who moves out? If things are really complicated you might even want to write it down before hand.

The breakup can be tiring; don't let it go on for too long. If it has been going on for 30 minutes, walk away. If there is more talking to be done, do it later.

Ending one relationship opens the door to new possibilities

Being friends afterwards

You can't go straight from lovers to friends, so don't bring this up during the breakup. I find it best to limit contact for 1-3 months after the relationship ended. Then consider whether you want your ex to be your friend. If so contact them and make it clear that you are only looking for a friendship, not to restart your romantic relationship.

I hope you have found How to dump your lover useful. If you have anything to ad or a story to share, please leave a comment.


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    • profile image

      joygee 6 years ago

      what can i do~? i need to walk away from him, but he haven't done anything wrong to me

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 8 years ago from Cornwall

      When I dumped my first husband, he got the hint on Valentines Day - I didn't get him a card - and confirmation two days later with a solicitors letter detailing divorce proceedings.

    • profile image

      James 8 years ago

      Thanks for writing how to dump your lover. I have to aggree with you, doing it quickly is the way to go.