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How to find love and romance

Updated on June 19, 2013
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Original source - | Source

Personal relationships always seem to be the first thing for many people. Sadly to say, finding love does not always attract or lure the right partner because the reasons for desiring true love may be unclear, undefined or misunderstood. We sometimes think, if I only had someone who cared and loved me, my life would be so much better and happier. In my personal view as well as past experience, that's not how it really works and these thoughts will get you nowhere.

There's a huge difference between the need for love, and being needy for love. When you're needy for love, it means that you are missing love and acceptance from the most important person you know is yourself. You may become involved in relationships that are codependent and ineffectual for both partners. You can never create love in your life by talking or pondering about being lonely. Feeling lonely and needy just pushes people away in reality. Nor can you mend a relationship in your life by talking or pondering about how terrible and tragic it is. This only puts attention on what's wrong with you and does not bring positive results. You want to turn your thoughts away from the problem and create new thoughts that will make a solution. Arguing and moaning for your limitations is just pure resistance, and resistance is simply a delay tactic, in other words, not the answer to your problem. It's another way of saying that you're not capable and worthy of what you desire.

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(public domain worldwide) | Source

The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you're happy with yourself, then all of your other relationships improve, as well. A happy person is highly attractive to others. If you're looking for more love, then you need to love yourself more. This means no negative criticism, no moaning, no blaming, no whining, and no opting to feel lonely, it just makes matters worse. It also means being very content with yourself in the present moment and opting to think thoughts that make you worry-free.

There's no one way to experience love, for we all experience love in different ways. For some of us to genuinely experience true love, we need to feel love, through being embraced and touched. Some of us, however, need to hear the three special words "I Love You." Others wish to see a demonstration of love, like receiving gifts of chocolate and flowers or maybe perform a serenade although this method is quite rare these days. Our preferred method of experiencing love is often the way we feel most comfortable demonstrating it back, but it depends on yourself and belief.

Wikimedia (pubic domain)
Wikimedia (pubic domain) | Source

It's advisable that you work on loving yourself continuously. Demonstrate the expanding love you have for yourself. Treat yourself to romance and love. Show yourself how special you are. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself flowers for your home and surround yourself with colors, textures, and scents that please you. You can even divert your problems by taking up other certain hobbies and interests which may be appealing. Challenge yourself to new tasks as long as you're comfortable with it and most of all enjoy what you're doing.

Life always mirrors back to us the feelings we have inside ourselves and it's obviously natural. As you develop your inner sense of love and romance, the right person to share your growing sense of intimacy with will be attracted to you like a magnet. If you want to go from loneliness thinking to fulfillment thinking, then you need to think in terms of creating a loving mental atmosphere within you and around you. Make an effort to let all those negative thoughts about love and romance just disappear, and instead, think about sharing love, approval, and acceptance with everyone you encounter. This is a positive step which will alter your way of thinking and new thoughts will eventually develop and you will turn into a new you. Dwelling on past thoughts which you may abhor will not solve anything but pain.


When you're able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs, then you won't be so needy and codependent. It has to do with how much you love yourself. When you truly love who you are, you stay centered, calm, serene, and secure, and your relationships at home as well as at work are wonderful. You'll find yourself reacting to numerous situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won't seem quite as crucial anymore. New people will come into your life, and perhaps some old ones will disappear - this can be kind of scary at first - but it can also be wonderful, pleasant, refreshing, and exciting.

Once you're clear about this issue in your mind, and you know what you desire in a relationship, you must go out and mix with people. No one is going to suddenly appear at your front door of your house. A good way to meet new people face to face is in a support group or class rather than finding them on online dating sites. These types of meetings enable you to connect with people who are like-minded or who are involved in the same pursuit as you. It's astonishing how fast you can meet new friends without realizing it first. Be open and receptive, and the world will respond to you, bringing you your highest good you desire. Remember, when you think blissful thoughts, you'll be a happy and content person, everyone will want to be with you, and all of your current relationships will get better and better.


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    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Very insightful write here. Good advice, as one must love oneself first before one can love another or others for sure. Your last paragraph sums it it nicely and is very wise. Really great hub here.

      True love is always unconditional, and when we place conditions on what we perceive to be love, then that is when we lose our way and get involved in a relationship that is far from real love.

      Voted up ++++ and sharing

      God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you're happy with yourself, then all of your other relationships improve, as well.

      This is the most important factor in finding love and romance. You must be comfortable with who you are first before you can understand others in your relationship. Great post and just the right topic to share for the upcoming Valentine Day season.

    • nathaliaines profile image

      Ines Nathalia 4 years ago

      i liked the hub also, i have had a lot of hardships in the area of finding love and have found myself often thinking the i was in love and in hindsight realizing that i was in love with the IDEA of love. I have since changed many of my priorities and gone awhile on my own, granted my son was my motivation to improve my relationship and care for ME. I don't honestly believe i am at 100% but i am a lot closer than i was a year and a half ago.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Sorry I couldnt share earlier.. now I can.


    • CMCastro profile image

      Christina M. Castro 4 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

      I wish you well, and I am confident your suggestions in this hub will be useful to those who read this. There is no perfect equation for love, but the heart's desire defines a person because a person will always desire the same heart in another. It is natural to make mistakes along the way. And along the way there is the opportunity to mature.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Great advice. Great hub

      I hope happiness and lots of love for you my friend.