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How to Encourage Your Husband to be Romantic

Updated on October 4, 2014

Get Him to be Romantic

The man you first dated bought you flowers, opened the door for you and took you out often. He might not have been the guy to write you poetry or send a love letter but he made you feel as if you were the most important person in his life and you felt adored, loved and beautiful. He told you that you were beautiful, made you laugh, held you and sat watching "chick flicks" with you.

Once you got married and lived together you found that you had your differences and worked through them together, fighting and making love.

Going out was still a necessity and together you could rule the world!

After a couple of years and a few children later things began to change and you found yourself getting stuck into a rut. Driving kids to school, fetching kids from school, making lunch, dinner, cooking and cleaning whilst still trying to find the time to work or play in-between.

Displaying yourself in a beautiful lengerie set at the end of a tiresome day was to no avail as your husbands eyes were already closed.

Everyday feels the same and your husband would sport on t.v. rather than take you out.

Romance as you have always known it, is now something you might get to see at the movies, if you're lucky to escape and watch it on your own!

"The Rut"

Men are not like women and they simply do not know what we want. They also get tired after a long days work, stress about financial standings and when they do get a chance all that they really want to do is couch it!

They get into a comfort zone and know that when arriving home from work, food will be ready, kids will be bathed and homework will be done. The t.v. remote will be close by until you gather the flock for dinner where he will eat and return to the couch.

He too is stuck in a rut and the guy you first dated is in there somewhere but he just needs a wake up call!

How to Get him to be Romantic

Women have grown up watching romantic movies and this has led to an expectation from men in the real world to follow through but the average man has no clue on romance and when you started dating he did it to get you interested but it probably took research for him to take you to the most romantic place or say the perfect thing.

You married him therefore there must understand him and know a way to get through to him. It is not as simple as talking about wanting romance because it will feel like a chore to your already tired husband at this stage.

Finding a fresh approach whilst juggling kids and work is a very challenging task but it can be done with a few easy steps to follow.

Step 1 - Get out of the Rut

Being a mom is a fulltime job as is cleaning and taking care of the home but making your life easier in order to take time out for yourself is necessary.

Make two dinners at the same time and keep one for the following day so that all you have to do is heat and eat.

Give your children chores to do like washing dishes after dinner or setting the table to avoid you running around shouting before dinner time.

Get up early and go for a walk before everyone wakes up to give you some peace. There is nothing better than watching the sunrise in silence, what peace it brings!

Invite friends over for dinner to avoid your husband jumping straight onto the couch when he gets home.

Step 2 - Get Noticed

Before you take kids to school, get dressed up in something other than comfy gear, put on your make - up and let your husband know that you have to rush off to the mall because there is a sale on provocative lengerie and you have to get some.

This will make him curious as to why you are dressing up and rushing off to get provocative lengerie.

Step 3 - Flirty Talk

While your husband is at work send him an email or text message to say hello. Tell him that he looked so hot this morning and that you cannot stop thinking of him.

He will find this really odd if it something you haven't done before and he will definitely reply just out of curiosity.

Remember the days where the two of you did send messages or emails and spoke on the phone. Talk to him the way that you did when you were both younger and carefree.

Step 4 - Arrange a Date

If your conversation on the phone or email is going well then organise to meet your man at a local pub after work. Let him know that you will be there at a certain time and that you would like him to meet you there.

This is obviously on a day where you have already made dinner ahead of schedule and your children are at home with someone responsible to ensure that they eat, bath and do their homework.

Once you are at the pub, text him to let him know that you cannot wait for him to get there.

Order a drink in the meantime and enjoy your alone time.

When he arrives there make sure that you flirt with him, look him in the eyes and rediscover the person that you first met.

Keep the conversation light, fun and flirty. Do not bring up bills, kids or anything to do with your regular routines.

Let him know that you should do this more often and don't complain if he has another drink.

Just enjoy your time together and forget about responsibility.

Step 5 - Date Night

Again you have to keep him interested and curious so in the morning, let him know that you have booked a table at your favourite restaurant at a certain time which will give him just enough time to change and go.

Make a reservation at your most romantic restaurant and be ready by the time he gets home.

This is about organising your children too so do not forget to find a babysitter that can take care of the children while you are gone. Don't feel bad because parents are entitled to have a little fun too!

After all, when the kids leave you one day, you need to know that you have a partner that you can relate to.

Don't give him the option to say no, just tell him that you had so much fun at the pub and can't wait to go out again.

Remember to keep it light, don't bring up the fact that he is not romantic and perhaps text him in the afternoon to tell him what your favourite flowers are.... hint, hint.

Give yourself enough time to dress and be ready by the time he gets home to avoid him getting irritated with waiting.

Find a hot new outfit and make yourself noticeable. He might not tell you that you look beautiful so ask him confidently if he likes your new outfit. Once he replies, remind him that you have some of that lengerie to show him too!

Go out to dinner and talk like friends about anything and everything except bills and problems.

Have fun on your date and let him know that you love romantic places and you would like to go more often.

Step 6 - Light up the Bedroom

If your date goes well then it would be a perfect time to model your lengerie!

Take this time to communicate what you would like and listen to what he would enjoy too so that the two of you can explore different options together.

This is also a good time to tell him that there is a sale in the mens deaprtment too.

Let him know that foreplay is important and as a woman you need to take things slowly and romance is important.

Step 7 - Escape

Organise a romantic getaway for just the two of you. Research where that could be or go to where you went on your honeymoon.

On your weekend away the "sky is the limit" and you can scream as loud as you want, stay up for as long as you choose to and walk around "naturally" to spice things up.

Explore each other and make as if this is the first time you are going away together.

Keep it light, fun and let him know that you are expecting romance.

Step 8 - Teamwork

To avoid being caught back into your rut, make a promise to each other to do something once a week or once a month. Go out on a date, meet for drinks and don't stop the messages. Tell your husband to use his imagination and take turns on booking the restaurant or coming up with ideas on what to do.

It is also a good idea to find something to do together, like joining a dance class or language lessons, cycling or going for regular walks just to get you out of your rut.

Challenge your husband to be creative and imaginative at least once a week by organising a bedroom game or picking a romantic movie. This will encourage him to stay on his toes and you on yours.

Step 10 - Just Tell it Like it Is

Men unfortunately cannot read our minds and if we have an idea of what we would like they would probably do the opposite, therefore they need to be told what you want and when.

If you want candles, dinner and romantic movies than you are going to have to tell him that this is what you would love because although he might buy you flowers on a special occasion it wouldn't cross his mind to do it for nothing.

Candles and romance are for girls and there are very few men that will automatically just be romantic but letting him know that you need romance and how you would like it, will definitely get him to think a lot easier in the future.

Don't forget to keep it sexy and send him a text, email, call or even a little love letter on what you would like.

You will be surprised if you surprise him so keep it fresh, fun and be adventurous.

Remember to ask him you want something, not command it, just simply ask in a flirty and seductive way.

Step 9 - Be Spontaneous

Visit him at the office or tell him that you should meet up for lunch and do something "saucy."

If you are at home, leave each other a note to meet somewhere in your house before the kids get home or after they go to bed and you will find that he will eventually enjoy playing the game and you might even find him sending you notes before you do!

If he decides to watch t.v. then get a raunchy dvd and let him watch that instead. Sport will get boring for him and you will soon find that he will have more time for you then the couch.

When you feel that you are in need of romance, write him a note and explain what you would like him to do and be spontaneous by meeting in strange places, asking him to visit you in the afternoon or light up some candles, put on some music and ask him to dance.


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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Thank you for this great article. I find it so funny, that we women always have to try to convince our guys of being romantic for once.

      These are great tips, that I can really use.

      I once lit our fireplace as a romantic gesture and he loved it. If you don´t own a fireplace, there are millions of other ways to get the same effect. For example electric fireplaces or virtual ones, which you can find easily on the Internet. I think men really like fire.. well, as far as I´m concerned.

      if you´re looking for a good virtual fire, here´s an example of a great set of videos on youtube

      The videos usually last for about 3 hours, so you don´t have to get up and change the video every minute. :)

      Thank you for all your tips. I will gladly try them out. :-)

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      Thanks for the comments Oliver, lol interesting slang words I have always wondered if you do use them!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I'm Australian are you old enough to go to a pub? Try a Walkabout pub (bar).Find a shop that sells Australian stuff and get her Tim Tams (type of coikoe) or violet crumbles (honeycomb and chocolate)!Say G'day when you greet her. Tell her she's a Bonzer Sheila (great girl). We don't actually say stuff like that, but she'll understand the slang


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