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How to handle a marriage crisis? Causes intense hurt!

Updated on November 13, 2013

‘In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to ‘until debt do us part.’ – Sam Ewing

You marry out of love, but end up in marrying problems also. Problems and issues are part and parcel of married life. Mild problems disturb you for a while, but you get over it quickly as such issues have no long standing effect on your relationship with your spouse.

But marriage crisis is an entirely different matter as it shatters your mental peace and you crumble inside to see your marriage disintegrating into failure. The crisis you face make you both drift apart and if you do not make efforts to pull your marriage to safety, it can never survive.

What exactly is a marriage crisis?

It is an emergency state of affairs when you feel you cannot live with your spouse as the hurt you feel is not fleeting, but gone too deep inside you and there is no hope of retrieval.

What instigates a marriage crisis?

  • Extra marital affairs
  • Bankruptcy due to overspending of your spouse
  • Abandonment
  • Suspicion
  • Physical abuse with intention of wounding

Extramarital affairs hurt

What is the most important thing you expect from your spouse? You want him\her to be loyal to you. But, when your spouse betrays your loyalty the world comes crashing to your feet. The initial stage of bewilderment gives way to deep rooted anger and you can never forgive him\her.

Extramarital flings are no longer the fault of men alone as women too now have their share of disloyalty. What makes you do such a callous thing which destroys your marriage? It is mostly the physical attraction that makes you to cross the line. Do you think physical attraction will last forever? It is short-lived and very temporary.

The end result is shame and a broken marriage. When the love for your spouse is strong, you cannot think of another person in your life. When you are loyal to him\her, you are completely into your marriage and it grows from strength to strength.

Bankruptcy due to overspending of your spouse

Money cannot make your love grow stronger as love needs many other things other than wealth. But money has a stabilizing effect in your marriage. You need money for your survival and to maintain a good standard of living. Your future and the education of your children need money.

But when your spouse depletes the hard earned money and plunges your family life into bankruptcy you are wild at the injustice done. Fights and arguments ensue with both blaming each other for the financial debacle. When you do not have money for the basics in life, the love for your spouse takes a back seat as you struggle to make both ends meet.

Money is a fragile and fickle thing as it stays only in place where is saved. It flies off your pocket when you spend unthinkingly and recklessly. Let your first spending be your savings and think ahead for the financial security of your family to avoid such a crisis in your marriage.

Abandoning and desertion

When your spouse just disappears from your life, you wonder what went wrong in your married life that you face such a crisis in your marriage. Desertion can inflict deep wound in you from which you never recover.

Can your spouse desert you just like that? You are wrong! There must have been lots of warning signals which you choose to ignore in the blind love for your spouse, but unknowing to you the crisis has always lurked near you. A basically good person can never think of deserting the person he\she loved and married.

When you see tell tale signal of consistent negligence to family duties by your spouse you should be on the alert and talk it out with your spouse. ‘What do I do when my spouse deserts me?’ It is the toughest period in your life as you are mentally frustrated and depressed. But you should gear yourself up and move ahead in life as he\she no longer deserves your love.

Physical abuse is nightmarish

  • Does your spouse wound you physically?
  • Is he\she prone to violent temperaments?
  • Does he\she throw things at you with the deliberate intention of wounding you?

If this is the scenario of your married life, it is a nightmarish hell you go through. It is a plain fact your spouse is suffering from some complex which makes him\her behave in such an inhuman way. Whatever might be the reason you should make him\her understand that you are not a person who can be treated cheaply.

Suspicion destroys relationships

When there is no trust between you and your spouse there can be no peace in your relationship. This faith that your spouse is for you and you are for your spouse is very essential to make your marriage work. When there is true love there is complete trust between both of you and there is no agony of feeling your spouse is betraying you.

What happens when you do not trust your spouse and feel he\she is betraying you? You feel that your marriage is a hopeless existence and your days together are spent on bitter arguments which make you a nervous wreck.

You should not let your marriage drift apart and plunge into a crisis out which it can never emerge successfully. Your marriage needs your dedicated input to make it work. You should go all the way to improve your relationship with your spouse and not let your problems assume the dangerous level of a crisis.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Eddy, you are always encouraging. Thank you.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Another great read Mathira which I know will benefit many.


    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Marriage can be a lot more meaningful when couples realize that marriage need input from both of them to make it work. dashingscorpio, I totally agree with you.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 4 years ago from Savannah, GA

      mathira, This article summoned up a lot of memories of my marriage that thankfully survived, but for a long time was broken. I just remember that it was impossible for me to give up and quit on a woman with whom I had shared so much. I feel like a tested relationship is part of the great adventure of life.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      Everything you mentioned can lead to a "marriage crisis". The bottom line is people often (choose the wrong mate) for themselves.

      The underlying definition of "soul-mates" is two people who share the same the values, want the same things for the marriage, (naturally agree) on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a (mutual) depth of love and desire for one another.

      When one or both people (fall out of love) the marriage is pretty much over. If you are not "in love" you will not look to make compromises. When you're not "in love" your mate's happiness is no longer a top priority.

      One of the reasons marital counseling often fails is because couples wait until one of them has (fallen out of love) with the other before seeking help.