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How to have a marraige and keep a husband

Updated on July 26, 2010

Sometimes the Right Way Just Isn't Right

I know people who have been married over and over, and for some reason, around the same number of years as the last time, they get divorced again. My father, for one of these examples, was married seven times, and twice to my mother. They were divorced once when I was five years old and divorced again when I was ten years old. The stupid part of this whole thing was the fact that he cheated on each and every wife with the same girlfriend.

He gave me advice once, and it was this----if you think you have found the one person that you truly love, do not marry them. He went on to explain that marriage ruins the whole relationship. He was of the opinion that after the marriage the woman stopped looking good, stopped putting on makeup, stopped dressing sexy, and the guy, he stopped doing the little things that men do to attract the woman to begin with, like bringing her flowers, taking her out, and so forth. He said that once that started the wedge had begun, and anything after that just made that wedge get bigger and bigger.

traditional weddings, traditional marriage

What Works for One Should Work for Everyone

Even if you are aware of these traps, all those things that make the couple fall away from the relationship, is there anything that you can do either along or as a couple that can avoid the drifting apart, is there anything that will actually work?

Here is one way that a very nontraditional couple found that did work for them, although, as I said it was only one couple, and very nontraditional. They were married, it was the first marriage for the man, and the second one for her. They had a very small civil wedding at the courthouse in Santa Barbara. with only a couple of family members attending.

They stayed married and lived together fro about three years, when the waters began getting troubled. That is to say, that other things began interfering in the relationship. For one thing, drugs began being used by both parties. Secondly, mostly because of the drug use, there began a whole lot of lies being told. They were small at first, like why one or the other did not come home when they were supposed to be.

Then, money started disappearing from the bank account. Before you know it, it looked like the relationship was all washed up. But instead of breaking up, they decided to just take a break from one another, and go their own ways for a while and see if they could not work things out at a later time. So that is exactly what they did.; She moved out of town, only to the next town though, not very far, and he moved to another state. They stayed out of touch for quite some time, and they both went on to date and see other people if they felt like it.

It was about ten years later when quite on accident they ran into one another at the home of a mutual friend. At first it was a bit uncomfortable, but after about 15 minutes they began talking and comparing their lives as they had been for the last few years. After that evening, they each left and went their own ways. Since they were both living in the same town now, they kept running into one another every now and again. They both were with different partners, and the two couples got along rather well, considering. They got together once in a while, and there was no jealousy, no rough feelings, and they talked better than they ever had.

Not Sure What This Proves

   By this time, this pair had never of them gotten a divorce.  They were still legally married, and had been so for now 18 years.  They got along wonderfully, and never fought, never cheated, and never lived together.  They had a great friendship, often did things together, with or without their live in partners.  They got along great, and had no desire to divorce the other.

   To this day, this married couple exist the same way.  They see one another about twice or three times a month,  They are always pleasant with one another, they never fight, and have been married almost 19 years now.  Sometimes they spend the day with one another, and seem to be very content with the arrangement.

   I am not sure what this proves, but this marriage is a true to life story, and none of the facts presented were made up, and everything stated here has been true to the smallest detail.  I think that one thing it does attest to and that is if couples can exist without jealousy interfering, many variations could be possible.  I also think that the old saying that  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" so maybe a separation can make a relationship better.  I am not sure, but I am possitive that there is something to be learned by this couple's very strange marriage. 


Submit a Comment

  • ddsurfsca profile imageAUTHOR

    deb douglas 

    8 years ago from Oxnard

    I know both couples very well, and have been friends with all parties for about 15 or so years. Since everyone concerned went into the relationships with full knowledge of the situation, there seems to be no problems with it at all. It is understood that there is no hanky panky going on between the married couple, and they are basically very good and close friends. It is a very strange but functional relationship. Neither party has any desire to become divorced. It would seem strange, but all parties are very comfortable with it.

    I often tease them that this would be one way to have a long and "successful" marriage, just move away from each other, and bingo, no fights.

  • Paradise7 profile image


    8 years ago from Upstate New York

    That seems strange to me. I wonder what the new BBF or GF thinks of their partners being married to someone else??? I prefer closure on a marriage that's over. Closure, as in divorce. It seems more honest, somehow.


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