- Gender and Relationships
Is a problem free married life a reality?
‘Marriage problems are a fact of live. Most people struggle at sometime with conflicts that involve them and their partner. Its difficult when you feel the love slipping out of your relationship and you’re not sure what you can do to stop the destruction.’-unknown
Do you want a ‘happily lived ever after married life’? You dream of a hassle free married life where everything is fine and sunny! But it always remains a pipe dream! Why can’t your marriage be free from problems so that you can lead your life in happiness and stop worrying about your future?
It is like asking for a sea without waves!
Marriage is not looking for a problem free life and is all about handling problems together with your spouse. Almost everyone wants a divinely happy married life! But you are disappointed when issues after issues rock the foundation of your marriage. Instead of moving towards your spouse with care and concern, you move away from him\her with resentment and bitterness as if he\she was the reason for it.
Do you fear that problems will destroy your married life?
Surprisingly it actually brings you emotionally closer to your spouse when you handle it together. Why is it so? It is easy to be in love when the going is good. When you are financially sound, successful in your work, healthy in mind and body you are able to co-exist in peace with your spouse.
It makes you feel that both are compatible and made for each other, doesn’t it?
Well, the actual test to your marriage has not yet started. The sailing will be good when the sea is calm and you need no great skills to sail in a smooth sea. It is when the sea gets rough and tough you find that you need all your navigating skills to tide over the roaring water.
How can you hope for a married life which always smiles and laughs at you?
When life smiles benignly at you, you and your spouse smile back at each other, hold hands in love and proclaim that you are the best couple ever.
What happens when life sneers at you and attacks your mental equilibrium by throwing issues after issues in your way?
Do you still hold hands?
Do you still feel that you are the best couples ever?
If you say ‘yes’ you can indeed proudly announce to the world that your love will never falter and fumble because of the problems you face in your married life and that you are the best couple anyone can hope to see.
But you do not have the courage to say ‘yes’ as you almost always take your hands off and turn away from each other when you face problems. You do not want problems, want a life saturated with wealth and the nodding affirmation from you spouse to do whatever you desire.
What are the common problems faced by you and your spouse?
- Financial down slide.
- Ego clashes
- Boredom which drives you nuts.
- Lack of physical intimacy
How do you handle these problems that are part and parcel of any marriage?
You make a heavy weather out of all your problems!
Do you know that money is the top reason for the failure of most modern marriages? Money has assumed mammoth importance in marriage and anything less than what you expect makes you feel depressed and tensed. You compare your life with your colleagues or friends and feel lesser than them.
Can outer show of wealth make your marriage problem free and happy? Far from it! In fact your mad chase after money and other materialistic things robs your marriage of the essential core to happiness in married life- ‘quality time together’.
Do you think money can buy you happiness?
Money can buy the most costly things the market can offer, but it can never buy you happiness. You both drive yourself mad to make money and when you earn the money you longed for, you should only feel happiness, mustn’t you? Why is it you feel empty and have to pretend happiness?
You realize very late that true happiness comes only when there is loving relationship between you and your spouse. Any problem, be it financial or emotional can be solved only when it is dealt together by you.
Live within your means!
You should learn to live within your means and your mad money chase should not in any way intrude into your comfortable relationship with your spouse. If your wife earns more than you, do not feel inferior to her. If your husband earns less than you, do not feel superior to him. You are both for each other and anyone doing fine professionally is good for the family.
Do not make a mountain of the small mistakes made by your spouse, as there is no one in this world who can be called perfect. When you learn to overlook the niggling faults of your spouse, it clears your mind to notice the good things in her\him. You should appreciate the good aspects of your spouse so that she\he feels valued by you.
Spend time together!
Make your married life lively by being humorous and by making light weather of the many issues you face in your family life. Spend as much time as possible with your family and occasionally switch off your TV, mobile phones and do not go near the computer. These modern innovations intrude into your marriage as time killers preventing the loving moments you can otherwise enjoy with your spouse.
Problems come and go and are not there to stay. Problems should in fact unite you and it will indeed unite you if it is tackled together. Wife should not think that problems that crop up in the family are the predicament of the husband and husband should not think that any family problem is his wife’s responsibility.
Handle problems together!
Every problem should be dealt together by two hands bonded in love and commitment and this quality makes your marriage a ‘life of happy unison and love even amidst problems and predicaments’. Do not crave for a non existent problem-free married life, but enjoy the beauty of true love when you handle it together.
© 2014 mathira