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How to know if your partner is cheating

Updated on March 14, 2013

How to catch a cheater

Tired of the lies, cheating and deception from your partner? Here are some things you need to do so you will know or have proof that your partner is cheating on you. Problems in relationship is best solved when it is detected at the very start, sometimes it is too late already and the damage has been done and it is beyond repair.

It is wrong to accuse one partner of cheating unless you are sure about it, so if your guts is telling you something is wrong, it is good to find out about it first, but don’t dwell on it and don’t spend your time thinking and doing things so you can hammer your partner and confront them. It is better if you take it slowly and just observe. Confronting them immediately make it worst if you don’t have evidence because a cheater will not tell you they are cheating unless you caught them both with your own eyes. Even though they are cheaters they still don’t want to hurt your feelings, that is why they try their best to hide it from you. If they are flaunting evidence of cheating from you, that is another story, it means they are done and don’t care about your feelings anymore.

So the question is, do you have the right to snoop or investigate on your partner if you suspect they are cheating? Dr. Ian Kerner, (Sex therapist and relationship counselor contributor), said you can snoop, because it is better to know even if it is painful.

When you are going to know or investigate if your spouse is cheating you need time and effort and sometimes money. Bear in mind that you don’t need to dwell and make it your agenda, sometimes the proof will just appear, because, there is no such thing as a secret forever. People who are cheating are sometimes disoriented because they are thinking of something else, they have trouble concentrating, so sometimes they unintentionally leave proofs. They might leave their cell phone or forget to log out of the computer.

Funny thing about technology like cell phone or computer is that because of it, it has become easier to cheat but finding out if they are cheating becomes easier too. You just need to buy proper technology.

If you have suspicions that your partner is cheating on you here are the things you need to do:

  • Observe use of cell phone. Does she/he guard it with their life meaning, it is off (or put to silent mode) and hide it from you, even when they are sleeping? Do they receive messages and calls in the middle of the night? Is the call log deleted or messages deleted immediately? Ask them if you can use their cell phone and observe their reaction. If you can, try to check the billings. They may have separate cell phones for their lover only. Check their cell phones when they are in bathrooms or when they are busy doing something else. Some cheating people will be very agitated about their cell phone, but at some point, they will have to leave it and they don’t bother with it specially for men when they are busy watching sports on television etc. Check their cell phones directory sometimes they put name of a friend to cover the name of the person they are cheating with. Check for unknown senders of voice mail messages and unknown callers/private numbers. Calls, messages on the cell phones in the middle of the night. Sometimes, they will put a password on their cell phones too. Be very discrete when checking their cell phones. Once they caught you snooping they will become more innovative and it is much harder to caught them.
  • Check and analyze the use of ATM, credit card, in short monitor their expenses and bank accounts. This is difficult if you don’t have a joint account because they might hide bank account record transactions. Check their cars for receipts etc. A cheating person have more cash at hand because they don’t want you to see their bank account transactions specially if they are using debit etc. Check credit cards also.
  • Monitor the internet usage, specially at night, pornography and chatting people have the propensity to cheat. If they have another email address which you don’t know, this is a caution. Put a computer logger in your computer, you can buy them now and the price ranges from 60 to 80 US dollars. Usually if they are chatting or cheating using the computer they will minimize windows when you go near them.
  • Placing a long recording, voice-activated digital tape recorder will allow you to hear all of your partners phone and in-car conversations. Check e-bay for sale of these item because they are cheaper there.
  • Check the mileage of their cars and monitor where they said they are going. Usually there is a pattern or schedule when they meet their lovers and what time and where did they go. going. GPS device to monitor their location can be put in their car.
  • Tell them that you are going to be away for one day and then go home surprisingly
  • You might want to conduct a surprise visit at the place of work specially if they say they will have overtime. Check the pay slip if overtime is recorded.
  • Trust your gut, if you notice that something is wrong, then don’t panic or accuse them immediately secure a proof in order for you to protect yourself, the relationship and the children.
  • Now, if you have a proof then you can confront him/her and have time to decide whether it is still worth it, talk to your partner about it, or you move on and have a life which is not based on deception and lies.


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