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How to know if you're in an abusive relationship? (physical or mental)

Updated on December 26, 2016

Relationships are based upon the nature a person is born with. A person's compatibility with other person depends upon the age old formula of "demand and supply" or "give and take". A person is in need of something which he or she finds in other person. And when he fails to get it, he would then become unhappy and abusive. So the root cause for this abusive behaviour of the partner is infact the expectations he or she has from the other partner.

Now if you the person who is the "abuser". Then naturally you would be very frustrated and unhappy. You had dreams about your ideal partner which crashed or you just need a change from the daily rut of your life. You would be happy trying out to find out the causes of this distress. You would start blaming the circumstances or your partner. Very seldom an "abuser" blames himself or takes responsibility. They are the worse people to live with and no wonder have a record of many broken relationships. If you are into one such relationship, first become assertive. Then quit it. Life isn't worth dragging on things just for the sake of love. And Jesus himself said that " person should first love thyself then others.

Now if you are the "abused" then most probably you would be a passive person. Doing only want's and should's. You dont have strings of your own life in your hands and just merely exist to please others. It's no point blaming the abuser when you yourself are such that you invite such treatment from others. Those who keep sulking and blaming never go forward in life. All you need to do is realize your rights, be more assertive and take your own independent decisions even if it means hurting others, so be it. Never compromise with your self respect.

Human nature and behavior is my strenght. So if you are interested please read on some of my other topics below.

Thank you!


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    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you Kim for sharing your experience. Well it can be a weird situation when one abuses and then shows himself as an innocent victim. Well the best thing which you did was to leave them as i have heard from many people it's hard to live with such manipulative people and nothing can be done about it.

      It's very tough to judge a person beforehand unless to spend time with him/her. People also change with time but their core true nature never changes maybe that's a clue but it's very tough to know a person's nature unless you have lived with him. The best we can do is to have a live-in relationship of 6 months and maybe more and if can manage to still love that person then we can go forward and be in a relationship but this again is no guarantee the relationship would last for long term.

      I'll try to write a hub on the topic Kim. Thank you for the advice :-))

    • Kim Bunch profile image

      Kim Bunch 

      7 years ago from Wenatchee, Washington State, USA

      Ravi this is a fantastic article. I was in one of those relationships before. I kept blaming myself. It does take two and I think that's why I kept blaming me. But like you said the one being abusive isn't going to admit to it and therefore I would react to his drama and it would make things worse. I'm glad that was ten years ago!! Behind me. He always pretended like he was the innocent victim. It was really weird behavior trait lol.

      Could you write an article on how to spot a potential abusive partner before one gets involved. What to look for with red flags that people may overlook.

      Thanks for writing this. It will help many.

      ***** Five Stars, thumbs up, etc. =)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      females can be abusive too. i was abusive to my ex boyfriend of 3 years. i still carry guilt from it.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Abusive relationships come with your five senses, Look Listen Smell Taste and feel. You have something in common with each of the sense to take charge and say this is not a healthy relationship it time to get out, that when you listen to your self and end the relationship...

    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you Aten

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      this is very sterotypical claiming that men can only be abusive is not the only way to look at an abusive relationship


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