Relationship Problems Help and Advice.

There really isn't any way to escape the fact that relationships are hard and they don't seem to get any easier the longer you work at them. So here is a little bit of advice gleaned from thirty-five years of married life with my husband, I hope that someone might find some of the advice useful.

I know of a few weddings that haven't lasted much past the honeymoon stage. Maybe, as weddings get bigger and bigger in both scale and cost, the actual marriage just doesn't match up. The reality of life as a newly married couple can be quite a shock even if you have lived together for years. And, after the massive build up to a big wedding, all of the planning, the expectations, the day after the wedding or honeymoon can seem to be a huge anti-climax. Back to the day to day routine with no wedding to look forward to.

I think it is really important to have realistic expectations, maybe being married won't feel any different, maybe when the bills start to pile up you will end up fighting over just how much the wedding cost. The most dangerous time for a relationship can be in the first six months.

Start as you mean to go on and really talk to each other.

So many things can conspire to break the relationship you have with your partner, from family issues to money worries, before you know it you can end up almost hating the person you once loved. Remember that living together brings changes and learn to adapt.

I guess, no I hope, that most people who marry or commit to a long-term relationship, do it for love and not just because they like the other person. There are so many changes involved when you go from being two singles to being a couple, from moving house to combining bank accounts and pooling your money.

A good idea at the very start of a relationship is to designate a time or place as safe. Safe from any talk of money worries or family troubles. Somewhere both of you can go to just be together. It can be the bedroom, the dining table, the garden anywhere you both agree on. It can even be a time, no talking about worries over breakfast or when you are both watching a favourite tv show.

In a perfect world, your home should be the last place for stress or worry. It should be a haven. Of course, the world isn't perfect, but setting aside a small part of it as a safe place is a start.

They say that love is blind and I really do think that’s true. Love makes us see things in an odd way. When I first met my husband twenty years ago and we started dating I saw a man who had some wonderful and odd quirks that I found very appealing.

But what happens when those quirky little things he does turn from being appealing to appalling? How do you still like the man you still love? A lot of marriages or partnerships hit a rocky patch, or two, sooner or later, how do get through that, how do you stay in a relationship, how do you stay ‘in like’ with each other as well as in love? How do you fall in like with your partner again?

I think that one very good way to stay together is to stay apart a little. I know that there are couples out there who do everything together, go everywhere together, but I really do think that for a long-term relationship to work each partner needs some ‘me’ time.

My husband has his sports and I have my writing. He watches TV and I shut myself away with my laptop. He goes out to a cricket match and I call on a friend for a chat and a glass of wine.

Sometimes, all I need is a few hours shopping alone to appreciate a man who brings me a cup of coffee as I put my aching feet up on a stool. Sometimes, I need a couple of days away by myself, I guess the old adage is true in my case absence really does make my heart grow fonder.

Whenever I find myself getting more and more irritated as I listen to the sound of him cracking his fingers, sucking his teeth or making that really annoying clicking noise with his ankle joint, I try to think of some of the things that I like about him. I won’t lie, sometimes it can be hard to come up with even one. If all else fails I leave the room and his annoying habits for a while. Out of sight really can be out of mind.

At times like those, I usually pull out an old photo album and leaf through it. Pictures of my husband holding one of our kids when they were babies or building a sandcastle with a toddler always make me smile and remember why I love him. Even if sometimes I don’t like him very much.

I think it helps to remember that maybe your partner bears the brunt of your annoyance simply because he’s there. He’s a convenient target on which to vent your general anger and frustration. Try to find a new outlet for all that nasty baggage that can build up during the day. What works for me is to write it down, I hammer away on the keyboard letting all of the annoyances flow from me and then take great pleasure in hitting the delete button.

Always remember, that if there are times you don’t like him very much, then there are probably times when he doesn’t like you very much either.

I know it’s hard to believe but you can probably be annoying at times too! Just accept that sometimes relationships are hard. You need to really work at them to keep them fresh, alive and kicking, but when it comes right down to it your husband is worth it. Isn't he and so are you.