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How to meet a man

Updated on February 28, 2012

If you're reading this article, you are probably where I was not that long ago. For those of us over thirty, all too often the caliper of men available seem to be like that old joke equating men and parking spaces: "all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped". When we were in our teens and twenties, there was a seemingly limitless supply of marriageable (or at least dateable) men that were ours for the taking. It was not uncommon for this writer to double-book dates while in college by going to lunch with college boy #1, and dinner with college boy #2. Not only did most of my meals get paid for, but I was also left with the naïve idea that men were everywhere, and were always going to be available for my entertainment.

Then college ended. I began to realize, as more and more of my friends paired off with their college sweethearts, that there might not be such a wide pool of demographically similar men in such close proximity EVER AGAIN. Panic set in, and I spent my early twenties in a downward spiraling, no holds barred attempt to secure a lifetime partner. Ladies, let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Nor was it effective. In my experience, the men folk don't really appreciate being trapped on a second date by a neurotic mess angling for a proposal.

Let me share with you some information that I learned the hard way, through a series of awkward and uncomfortable experiences that I'd like to spare you, dear reader, from experiencing. Experiences such as, Oh, I don't know, writing one man a letter containing ONE HUNDRED reasons that we should be together forever. I still cringe when I think of that one. Meeting a man cannot, I repeat CANNOT take place in a venue where alcohol is served. Alcohol clouds the mind, dulls the senses, and would probably make Osama Bin Laden appear funny and charming, minus the whole "hating America" thing he's got going. If you don't believe me, believe the media: It is my belief that every woman should routinely screen the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother", in order to fully absorb the knowledge that quality men can not be found in a bar, or a club. The jury's still out on weddings, but for now, let's just lump them in the alcohol-serving corner and forget about meeting a quality man there. If you are going to meet a man whom you could bring home to Mother, you must meet in a place in which the real you is invested.

Let me explain. When you are at a place that you are fully invested in, that's when the REAL you, the quirky, beautiful, one-of-a-kind you is going to shine. There are so many benefits to meeting a man in a place where you are the real you, but the ones that stick out the most are that there are no pretenses, no games, and no struggling to maintain appearances. Isn't that the true definition of a soul mate? One who sees us, as we truly are, and loves us in spite of it? Places that fall in this category would be churches, places of service, picket lines, or political rallies- in other words, places where you are passionate about what's going on. When we are passionate, we are truly ourselves, and that, ladies, is a beautiful and attractive quality, believe me.

I have so many other tips towards finding the happiness that you deserve and the growth that can only come from a committed relationship, all located conveniently in an easy-to-subscribe to newsletter. Your inbox won't be flooded with junk, just a daily, down-to-earth dose of solid advice from someone who has made most, if not all of the relationship mistakes and wishes to spare you from the same. There is hope, and I truly believe that there is someone for everyone, so don't give up! There is a Chinese legend that states that we are connected to the ones whom we are destined for by a "red thread" that transcends space and time, drawing us close to the ones we are supposed to be with. Your red thread is out there, ladies, already connecting you to your soul mate, and it's just a matter of time before you are united with them, as you are destined to be.


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