How to pick a fight in a relationship
Hooo!! .. Stop!!!.. Don't hit me please, not yet at least. Just hear me out on this one. I'm not talking about a physical fight here. So just sit down. (And keep your hands were I can see them please).
Almost everyone dislikes being in a quarrel. At least that's what I think. But sometimes there's no getting around it in a relationship. Having a fight or big argument at the least is part of it even when you're in a nice and stable relationship. According to psychologists it's even healthy when you get into a big argument once in a while. It helps cleaning up the mess in your relationship, but only when you do it right. So how to pick a fight right? A good quarrel I mean?
Stick to the point.
When you're angry you can say the worst things and you might get tempted to start again about things that happened before. You can't let bygones be bygones. It's tempting yes, but you better not. The fight can get even worse than necessary and a solution is not in sight when you do that. So don't piss the significant other of and stick to the point! (sorry)
Don't use your tears to get what you want.
Especially women are really good at crying their heart out to get what they want. You stupid woman (sorry), don't let your partner feel more miserable by using those tears. That is emotional blackmail and won't bring a solution either. So stop being pushy that way, wipe those tears from your face, because that's not fair.
Prevent to offend
Sure you're angry and sure you want your partner to understand you. But just don't make offensive remarks which are intended to bring your partner down. That isn't the right thing to do either. Understanding and offending are two things that have nothing in common.
Not in the bed
Your bed is a place where you sleep, have sex, feel safe for the night, cuddle up and relax. It is definitely not the place to pick a fight or start a big argument. And if that does happen, go to the kitchen (don't stand near the knives, the pots or pans or grandma's china), or the living room. And never go to bed when you're in a fight. Talk it over before you go (and have some great sex to make up the lost time).
Keep on listening
A good fight means there is communication. Not only you say what you want to say, how you feel or how you think about things, it also means that you listen to the things your partner wants to say, feels and thinks. Listen to the others side of the story too. Don't interrupt and don't criticize. Just listen, hear your partner out (I know it can be difficult, but just try it).
Nobody is perfect
No nobody is perfect (no, not even you). Probably you're the first to admit that. So don't expect your partner to be either. Don't make a fuss about little things (unless you're in auditioning for a role in a sentimental movie) and more important, don't try to change your partner.
Keep it in your own home
Your friends and family have no business with the quarrel you're having with your partner. He or she doesn't want to know how they think about it. Especially because you can expect that your friends are on your side. That's why they are your friends (or relatives).
So now you can go to bed together. Just cuddle up or have the best sex you've had in times. I don't care. As long if you're both are feeling better now
All's well that ends well
When you both have said what you wanted to say, it's important that you really have said everything. Don't leave open wounds that can get infected. Or this thing will start all over again. You can talk about the argument you've had afterwards. If only just to say you're sorry when you've got a reason to do that. Oow, and when you're having a quarrel in front of your children, or you know your children know you had an argument, kiss make up in front of your children also.
