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How to Know If Someone Really Loves You.

Updated on June 13, 2019
Stina Caxe profile image

Cristina is a business professional who has a degree in art and a degree in psychology. A mother of two, community volunteer and writer.

Love is love

Most people know what it is like to be hurt. Most people can relate to feeling insecure. Most of us know how it feels to be broken hearted. And I think nearly everybody has felt afraid at some point in his or her life.

I find it strange, how sometimes we can get so caught up in something, we are so damn sure it is what we want, what we need, that it is the best thing ever, and then we love and protect this notion so hard that it consumes us.

You know, the last time someone told me they would fight for me, I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. The truth is though; you shouldn't have to fight for someone to love you.

Don't be fooled by lines

When it comes to matters of the heart, even the most intelligent people can be made to feel completely dumb. I once heard a man tell his girlfriend that if he couldn't be with her he would rather spend the rest of his life alone. I thought that was romantic at the time and so did the woman who devoted herself to this man. But just a few short months later when he broke her heart she realized all it really ended up being was a lie.

I think most people have the ability to hold great passion inside them however, many people are reluctant to show it because they have been or have witnessed somebody else being hurt badly in the past. Because of this, it's easy to see why a man would use cheesy lines like that to try to woo a woman. But as I learned from the honorable Judge Lynn Toler on Divorce Court one day, "men are what they do… not what they say." And I believe that goes for women as well.

Did you read that? Let me repeat myself. "People are what they do, not what they say!""

For example, if someone says this to you "I will spend my life loving you and never taking you or anything, you do for me for granted." That is NOT doing… that is saying. And I'd estimate about 99.99999% of the time that would be a lie.

You know what doing is? Doing is when a person is there for you, through everything. When he or she is never mean and never makes you feel bad. It's when he or she looks out for you, always making sure you are safe and happy.

Promises

The best liars will fill your head and heart with their lies simply by using one word, "promise." Another word that I find to be impossible for people to hold true to is the word "forever."

I do not think people always intentionally lie when they say these words. What I believe is that they leap before they are ready, that they say things for the sake of saying them, to keep their partner happy. It's not that everybody is a monster, but not every relationship is meant to be. We often hurt each other without meaning to because we go after something we think we want, do whatever it takes to get it and then realise we didn't want it after all.

If somebody is quick to promise you the world and tells you everything you want to hear, it is okay to be skeptical. Real love and mutual appreciation takes time to realize.

Emotions

Just because somebody is able to be emotional with you does not mean they love you. If you find that someone is easy to talk to and you are able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings and hard to tell stories with each other, it is not necessarily a sign of love.

It is true that sharing your thoughts and emotions with someone makes you feel close to them however, we all have stories and sometimes we just need to get them out. In fact, sometimes sharing your secrets with someone too quickly is not healthy at all for the relationship. It makes you feel vulnerable and often times if somebody shares too quickly, they will get scared, become guarded and retreat.

It is important for a healthy relationship that each party takes time to build a trust with the other person before they lay all of their inner emotions on the table.

Space

space is important in every relationship. Yes, when you love somebody, you want to be together as much as possible. Real honest love however, requires respect that each person is an individual and needs the space and freedom to be who he or she is. If your partner is not willing to give you time to focus on yourself, then most likely the love they express to you is not real but build from their own needs and insecurities.

Respect

My mother once told me that the reason her and my stepfather have been so happy for so many years is because they never ever disrespect each other. She told me that even if they have a disagreement, they never have said anything to each other that has hurt the other person.

If somebody truly loves you, they will never want to hurt you or make you feel bad. Sure there will be little things that might happen that will upset one or the other but, it will never be intentional.

It is important to take the time to let your relationship grow so that you both have a mutual respect for each other.

True Love

Remember if things move too quickly it is probably not love.

If you are showered constantly with romantic lines while no actions are made to support what is being said, it is probably not love.

If you are not being given time to focus on yourself and all of your time and attention are being demanded by your partner, it is probably not love.

If you are with someone who doesn't respect you or intentionally makes you feel bad in any way, it is probably not love.

Run away from any of these situations.

BUT.....

If you have found someone who constantly proves to you how they feel by what they do, it might be love!

If you found somebody who was willing to wait and take the time fo both of you to get to know each other before opening up too much and taking the relationship further, you may be closer to true love!

If you are with somebody who supports your individuality, who encourages you to follow your dreams even if it doesn't include him or her in every single aspect, you probably found a keeper!

And if you found somebody who respects you, who does not ever intentionally upset you and you are the same way towards that person, then I have a good feeling you might love each other for real!

If you find these qualities on somebody, I say stop running! Well, you can still run for fun, for exercise, and from muggers, but you don't have to run from the relationship.

Just don't be afraid to guard your heart, only open it up to someone who truly deserves it and is willing to show you, not just tell you!


This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Cristina Cakes

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    • Stina Caxe profile imageAUTHOR

      Cristina Cakes 

      2 years ago from Virginia

      I always appreciate your insights dashignscorpio. I think the biggest point I was trying to make is that often times I see people who are so very quick to fall in love and who will find any excuse to believe that their partner truly loves them. I almost always see these relationships fail and more often then not they fail quickly. I believe that people tend to speed up the process of falling in love because they are in love with the idea of being in love. I have also seen so many people say the right words, but never follow up with the right actions. And no of course someone doesn't have to bring a lady breakfast in bed to show that he loves her, (although I admit I do enjoy coffee in bed every morning!) but little actions do matter so much more than words.

      I feel that even if love is felt by both people, without the little actions, the relationship is in danger of falling apart. Then again, perhaps I am just cynical because most of the time I have seen relationships that were only built on words alone come undone when those words end up being lies.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago from Chicago

      "Just because somebody is able to be emotional with you does not mean they love you. If you find that someone is easy to talk to and you are able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings and hard to tell stories with each other, it is not necessarily a sign of love." - Very true!

      However when it comes to love each person has their own ideas as to what love is supposed to "look like", "feel like", and how people "in love" should "act like". Ultimately everyone is looking for someone who naturally expresses love (the way) THEY need.

      If someone does not FEEL loved it does not matter what is in their mate's heart or mind. Most people naturally express love the way {they} want to be loved. Gary Chapman wrote a bestselling book titled: "The Five Love Languages"

      In it he espouses that there are 5 love languages and identifies each type. In theory just because someone does not express or interpret love the way you do does not mean they love you or vice versa.

      For example lets say a wife has a husband who has never served her breakfast in bed, bought her flowers, and more often than not forgets her birthday or their anniversary.

      She may (feel like) he doesn't love her.

      On the other hand she knows he would give up his life in heartbeat to protect her if an intruder broke into her home. Therefore she loved.

      Unfortunately for her she isn't being loved (the way) SHE wants.

      Once are aware of the 5 love languages we have two options. We can seek out those who naturally express love (the way) want and need in order to (feel) loved or we can invest our time trying to get them to "change" and hope they believe we are worth the effort to change. This would also mean we have to be open to learning how to express love to them the way the want and need in order for (them) to feel loved.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want!

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