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How to Know If Someone Really Loves You.

Updated on June 13, 2019
Stina Caxe profile image

Cristina is a business professional who has a degree in art and a degree in psychology. A mother of two, community volunteer and writer.

Love is love

Most people know what it is like to be hurt. Most people can relate to feeling insecure. Most of us know how it feels to be broken hearted. And I think nearly everybody has felt afraid at some point in his or her life.

I find it strange, how sometimes we can get so caught up in something, we are so damn sure it is what we want, what we need, that it is the best thing ever, and then we love and protect this notion so hard that it consumes us.

You know, the last time someone told me they would fight for me, I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. The truth is though; you shouldn't have to fight for someone to love you.

Don't be fooled by lines

When it comes to matters of the heart, even the most intelligent people can be made to feel completely dumb. I once heard a man tell his girlfriend that if he couldn't be with her he would rather spend the rest of his life alone. I thought that was romantic at the time and so did the woman who devoted herself to this man. But just a few short months later when he broke her heart she realized all it really ended up being was a lie.

I think most people have the ability to hold great passion inside them however, many people are reluctant to show it because they have been or have witnessed somebody else being hurt badly in the past. Because of this, it's easy to see why a man would use cheesy lines like that to try to woo a woman. But as I learned from the honorable Judge Lynn Toler on Divorce Court one day, "men are what they do… not what they say." And I believe that goes for women as well.

Did you read that? Let me repeat myself. "People are what they do, not what they say!""

For example, if someone says this to you "I will spend my life loving you and never taking you or anything, you do for me for granted." That is NOT doing… that is saying. And I'd estimate about 99.99999% of the time that would be a lie.

You know what doing is? Doing is when a person is there for you, through everything. When he or she is never mean and never makes you feel bad. It's when he or she looks out for you, always making sure you are safe and happy.


The best liars will fill your head and heart with their lies simply by using one word, "promise." Another word that I find to be impossible for people to hold true to is the word "forever."

I do not think people always intentionally lie when they say these words. What I believe is that they leap before they are ready, that they say things for the sake of saying them, to keep their partner happy. It's not that everybody is a monster, but not every relationship is meant to be. We often hurt each other without meaning to because we go after something we think we want, do whatever it takes to get it and then realise we didn't want it after all.

If somebody is quick to promise you the world and tells you everything you want to hear, it is okay to be skeptical. Real love and mutual appreciation takes time to realize.


Just because somebody is able to be emotional with you does not mean they love you. If you find that someone is easy to talk to and you are able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings and hard to tell stories with each other, it is not necessarily a sign of love.

It is true that sharing your thoughts and emotions with someone makes you feel close to them however, we all have stories and sometimes we just need to get them out. In fact, sometimes sharing your secrets with someone too quickly is not healthy at all for the relationship. It makes you feel vulnerable and often times if somebody shares too quickly, they will get scared, become guarded and retreat.

It is important for a healthy relationship that each party takes time to build a trust with the other person before they lay all of their inner emotions on the table.


space is important in every relationship. Yes, when you love somebody, you want to be together as much as possible. Real honest love however, requires respect that each person is an individual and needs the space and freedom to be who he or she is. If your partner is not willing to give you time to focus on yourself, then most likely the love they express to you is not real but build from their own needs and insecurities.


My mother once told me that the reason her and my stepfather have been so happy for so many years is because they never ever disrespect each other. She told me that even if they have a disagreement, they never have said anything to each other that has hurt the other person.

If somebody truly loves you, they will never want to hurt you or make you feel bad. Sure there will be little things that might happen that will upset one or the other but, it will never be intentional.

It is important to take the time to let your relationship grow so that you both have a mutual respect for each other.

True Love

Remember if things move too quickly it is probably not love.

If you are showered constantly with romantic lines while no actions are made to support what is being said, it is probably not love.

If you are not being given time to focus on yourself and all of your time and attention are being demanded by your partner, it is probably not love.

If you are with someone who doesn't respect you or intentionally makes you feel bad in any way, it is probably not love.

Run away from any of these situations.


If you have found someone who constantly proves to you how they feel by what they do, it might be love!

If you found somebody who was willing to wait and take the time fo both of you to get to know each other before opening up too much and taking the relationship further, you may be closer to true love!

If you are with somebody who supports your individuality, who encourages you to follow your dreams even if it doesn't include him or her in every single aspect, you probably found a keeper!

And if you found somebody who respects you, who does not ever intentionally upset you and you are the same way towards that person, then I have a good feeling you might love each other for real!

If you find these qualities on somebody, I say stop running! Well, you can still run for fun, for exercise, and from muggers, but you don't have to run from the relationship.

Just don't be afraid to guard your heart, only open it up to someone who truly deserves it and is willing to show you, not just tell you!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Cristina Cakes


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