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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Updated on April 3, 2016

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you today. I used to suffer terribly from being a "people pleaser", I would do anything for pretty much anyone if they had just said a few nice words to me.Thankfully, I've learned how to now be able to say no to people without feeling guilty for days and sometimes even months after. Even though I did have to learn the hard way, by my so called "friends" choosing to no longer be my friend just because I wouldn't go to some event with them or if I couldn't study with them for an exam. But I am here to show you what you can do it overcome this problem, enjoy! :)

Why you need less "friends"

In high school and even my beginning years of college, I thought I had to be friends with everyone and constantly put myself down to help others. This did nothing but kill my self esteem and cause myself to be very depressed, lonely, and just sad all the time. I had plenty of "friends" but none that wanted the best for me.

You need to be surrounded by people who genuinely care and appreciate you for YOU! If you have a friend that constantly puts you down, a person who makes you feel badly about yourself, or may even be using you in some way to only give them success, then loose them! You will find new, great, incredible people in your life, I promise! It may not be today, but you will eventually find people who lift your spirits and bring you out of that funk you're going through.

Enjoy time by yourself, go for a walk, go to a movie, anything YOU want to do!
Enjoy time by yourself, go for a walk, go to a movie, anything YOU want to do!

Learn to say NO

I understand if you're the type of person who feels the need to always help out others and forget about yourself because that was me. The girl who had to always go pick up a friend when he or she fell on their butt. When they need help to study with an exam because I knew the material best, so of course I would go running to them and help in any way that I could! This was fine for a while but eventually I felt completely used that all my help for those people had been for nothing, and no one truly appreciated what I was doing. I've had "friends" that would constantly ask for my help, but when I need them they never had the "time" but in reality I was their last priority. I was so sick of people treating me poorly after I had been nothing but kind to them. I went through a period of my life in college that I wouldn't do anything for anyone, because I was so ticked at pretty much everyone. I lost of a lot of people in my life but I didn't care. I learned to be able to say NO.

I learned that its possible to say no when you don't feel like giving everyone your time 24/7. And no it isn't a crime to put yourself first, that's what you need to do! As my boyfriend always told me, when friends would come and go, "Be your own #1". You are #1 in your life, friends will come and go, spouses will come and go, your family may not always support you, so you need to take care of yourself. Am I saying to never help a friend or family member again? No, of course not, you'd be lonely your entire life if you followed that. You need to just remember that you don't have to do everything for everyone. Especially when its the same person asking for constant favors but never helping you out when you need them. Those are the people, like I mentioned earlier, that you need to completely cut out of your life.

Now You're On Your Way to a Happier Life

Once you begin cutting out toxic people from your life, you will soon start to see the change that those people were holding you from. I know it can be hard to start removing people from your life, but you will be on your way to a more successful life! Even if you decide to keep those negative people (which I hope you aren't), and you only start to tell people no, you will start giving yourself the attention it deserves! You need to start spending time with yourself and stop telling everyone yes all the time, and learn to say no! Go spend a day doing your favorite hobby, go spend that hard earned pay check on something you enjoy!

I hope this article gave you at least something helpful advice on how to start caring for yourself and quit trying to please everyone! It is impossible, you can't make everyone happy all the time, but you can begin treating yourself as your own #1 and be your own best friend.

P.S if you are looking for a fun hobby, I have linked some recipes and crafts below! Enjoy! :)

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    • kayyluh profile image

      kayyluh 23 months ago

      I completely agree, you should never allow others to take advantage of you, you should also never allow yourself to take advantage of others.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 23 months ago

      No one should allow others to take advantage of them or view them as being a doormat. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      People with a low self-esteem, abandonment issues, little confidence, and poor social skills are always tempted to "win over" people by giving them what they want in hopes of being valued and accepted by them.

      In reality we only need a handful of people in our lives to be happy.

      The only way to experience lasting happiness is (being true to oneself).

      Anytime you're doing things you don't want to do it will gnaw at you.

    • hubber8893 profile image

      Sourav Rana 23 months ago

      You should not let yourself down to everyone, but sometimes for our own benefit we may have to let down ourself to someone superior and I think nothing is wrong in it.