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How to tell if He/She Loves you or is Using you

Updated on December 19, 2013
when someone uses can easily turn to hate
when someone uses can easily turn to hate | Source

It can happen to anyone!

Welcome Readers, I am writing this article because it is near and dear to my heart. The truth is that there is a fine line between love and lust. Everyday someone men and women pour their hearts out. Sadly, everyday someone is experience a major heart break because they have finally woke up to the obvious. They have been used. No one is safe or immune to this kind of mistake that can cost you a lot of pain, time, and money! Although not every story (even the ones that started crazy) always end up in heart ache. Sometimes love blooms in the most unexpected places and without much effort at all. It just happens over time. Although in this day and age knowing the difference between someone who loves you and someone who is using you could save you from a huge disappointment. I am not a medical professional and my advice should not be taken over a medical professional. My article is based on opinion, experience, and basic psychology. With that being said I am going to make this article a little different from my normal articles. It is going to be a compare and contrast format. I really hope that this article helps even one person out there! Feel free to leave comments at the bottom of the page, please don't leave hateful comments because those will be deleted. Thank you now lets jump right in.

A story of a lifetime
A story of a lifetime | Source

Signs of love vs using

Before I get into the signs, I must clarify what a "user" is. I call this person a user because their primary goal upon entering into any type of relationship with you was for the benefit of themselves. They never have any intention of falling in love with you or giving you what you truly want in life. They are extremely self-centered and act almost soul-less when it comes to anything that doesn't involved or affect them directly. There only with you to get what they can from you and move on to better. Simple as that. Now that I have outlined what a "user" is, I will now state the signs.

Love sign #1: Regardless if there a man or woman if someone loves you, you will be able to see it in their behavior towards you. The little things they do for you will add up. Like when you have a bad day they either silently or verbally listen to you. They take you side when you are right and when you are out of line they will tell you in a nice way. They don't mind getting up and doing something for you. They hold your hand when you cuddle because it's comforting. They always find ways to touch you or be close to you. Overall their personality around you should be comfortable and should be slightly different from when they are around others they are not so close with.

User sign #1: They always want what is best for them. Compromise is not in the question. They don't care if you have to go out of your way to do it because to them that's just the way it is. When you ask them for something the answer is always no or they have an excuse why they can't do it. They avoid telling anyone about you because they don't want any personal attachments to you. Their behavior towards you is always about what they want and need. They throw fits if they don' t get what they want from you because they want to make you feel guilty and compromise your self-esteem. Around others they will ignore you and avoid all eye contact and personal space with you.

Love sign #2: When someone loves you they will open up about their life with you. Just because they want to share their life with you. They will tell you about their childhood, the things they want most in life, the things the love, the things that hurt them, the relationships that they had. Everything will be on the table for you to see! (so to speak) You will know exactly who they are and what their goals in life are. They will also listen to you as well. This is a two way streak and they will want to know about you as well. They feel comfortable enough to even cry around you if needed. They will call you first (or one of the first people) if something major happens in their life. They will seek your approval on certain things and ask you questions about what you think.

User sign #2: They never ask you what you think or how you feel. They avoid personal conversations about future or past plans. They keep you wondering just who they are and what they want in life. They always dodge questions like politicians and change the subject. They do ask what you want in life just have an idea if your going to make a lot of money. They will never seek your comfort or approval. They typically do as they please regardless of your personal feelings. They don't tell you anything if something major changes in their life you're always the last person to know everything.

Love sign #3: Sex is an important and healthy part of any relationship. Although when someone loves you it is not they only thing you have in common. The sex is passionate and fulled with things that your partner knows you love. They take extra time and effort to make sure you are happy. It is loaded with kisses that are passionate and have a purpose. It is not an everyday on the hour job. It is never forced. Sometimes when two people love each other they don't have sex everyday or week. Sometimes even a month. Not because they don't want each other but because they have a bond deeper than just physical connection. They feel connected with or without having sex. Sometimes they just sit up talking all night or just fall asleep in each others arms. Although when they do have sex is explosive! ;)

User sign #3: Sex is always on top of the list. If you don't have sex they don't stick around. Every conversation or personal moment is linked to sex. They sex is so regular that you feel like your personal sex ATM for that person. Typically the sex is very one-sided. Meaning that it is always about what they want and how fast they can achieve what they need. They may put the effort in to know what you want sexually so that you can enjoy it somewhat but only after they go first. Always. Or their is a lot of side stepping meaning they act like their on a time limit and if your not reaching your max quick enough they get very impatient and will withdraw whatever their doing. They will complain about it too.

Love sign #4: They need you. A huge sign of love is being able to put aside ego and pride. Even when they are have done something to hurt you they come back to you and apologize because they care about you. They want to get into a better place emotionally with you because your their best friend. They want to be with you and no one else because they realize their is no else like you. They love you for you and for all the things you do as a team for them. When you love someone harsh words can be said because your so beside yourself that they are imperfect. YES when you love someone you tend to see them as perfect and when they make a mistake you get very upset. Although true love always finds it way back to happier place. It gets past the ugly and creates more good/beautiful moments that last longer than words. In simpler words they need you emotionally, physically and mentally to feel happy. Or complete. Or comfortable. Or normal. Or safe. They don't seek attention or desire from others because they can't even imagine losing you.

User sign #4: They consistently tell you they don't need you. When a person is using someone tell always speak from ego and pride. When they do things to hurt you they don't apologize in fact they won't even knowledge the fact they hurt you. Their actions are always justified to them because their ego won't allow them to accept anything less. If you bring it up to them they find ways to make you feel bad or crazy or stupid. Their ego attacks your ego in hopes of crushing it. Just to make themselves feel good. They always have a lot of other priorities and they make sure you know that. They always almost always have someone else they are entertaining behind your back. They will always flirt or stare or talk about someone else because they don't have a reason to filter themselves because to them your not a serious commitment.

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In conclusion

I could go on and on about different signs on both ends. I won't though because by now I hope you get the point and the picture of exactly what I am saying. I'm not trying by any means to classify every relationship because each relationship is up to the individuals to make it work. Not every relationship that starts out with the intent of using someone means that it is doomed to be loveless and never advance. Everyone can change with the right amount of motivation and the right amount time invested into them. The real question I want you to ask yourself here if you have someone who is using you are they worth changing? Are they worth the time, effort, love, dedication to make it work? If you fail can you accept that it wasn't meant to be and walk away knowing how much you have lost? Sometimes we don't realize when someone loves us and its right in front of us. The question is are you willing to reach for it? I hope this article has shed some light on the questions you had. Remember if you have to ask yourself if a person loves you or is using you then you probably already know the answer deep inside you. Trust yourself! Until next time readers ciao!


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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      i am in love with my boyfriend.but he married man. But he told me he need to fix his marriage issues. I don't know what to do with him and i am trying to be strong for him because i love him and he told me that i am great women and told me to be strong with my family.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      now here you get a distinction , this are words i have been looking for , you are soo wonderful and yes this is opinions and experienced. i would love to have a conversation with you, please provide me with your mail address.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Wow this article helped me a lot thanks it showed me the right thing to do now big up.I wish many people out there can see and this

    • profile image

      tammy lee king 

      4 years ago

      well I was going with this guy and he is married but he told me he was getting a dorvorce so me and him could be together biy know I don't no about it .


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