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How to tell that a guy is a player

Updated on November 25, 2013
Purple Falcon profile image

An experienced integrative healthcare professional & Member of the International Alliance of Holistic Therapists

He is often a gentleman

Don't be mistaken or fooled. Often, those men who are players tend to have the most impeccable manners. I am not saying polite men and women are players, each situation differs. They would hardly say crude things in front of you unless you think it cool. Moreover, these players are masters of chivalry and tend to be quite confident and often narcissistic. They have observed and collated their own play book so to speak, acting like perfect refined men that just seem to materialise from the many romance novels available.

They are confident and know how to look after their physique and appearance and rarely or never get nervous around women; they have had heaps of practice.

Only interested in you when you are in front of him

He will look deeply in your eyes unabashed and often invade your personal space and stands or sits very close to you. He will often smile at you every time he sees you and make you feel like a queen. He behaves like a Cassanova and is there cater to all the women he finds attractive. He will be interested in anything you are doing or saying and flatter you but this will only be brief and not long lasting. A player will not be constant and he will not find the need to explain himself if he does not return your phone calls or texts as he is not there for the long haul or a truly loving and caring relationship, he is merely playing you to achieve his own twisted self-satisfaction and goals.

One thing to note is that a player does not make prior plans with you and even if he did, he would back out of it making some lame excuse and stringing you in for more for they know the art of unpredictability that unfortunately creates a sense of memory and longing just like one would remember sudden tragedies or disasters and not forget about them. Also, even if they make it to the date or whatever, these players will keep being the perfect man for as long as it is necessary to gain their ultimate prize whether it be to gain the adoration and emotional connection with the woman or to get into bed with her only to ditch her soon after.

Another warning sign is if he flirts with other women whether it be around you or if he stops to take phone calls in another room or constantly texting or checking his texts when he is with you but does not show you his texts. Any of these are warning signs to steer clear. He ain't worth your time sister.

The Art of texting

The predator or player knows the power of sending emoticons and lots of hugs and kisses as well as texting sweet nothings to make hearts of women melt. This is all well and good if you are the only girl a guy is texting these to but players are the ones texting several girls at one stage, spreading their net to catch as much fish as he can and responding to whoever takes the bait and satisfies his interest or latest pursuit.

So Guys and Girls please don't do this unless you are truly interested in the woman or man. I know I don't freely give these out.

Has many girl friends (applicable to guys who are players).

Often these players have way too many friends who are girls. Sure guys can have friends who are girls but if these girls way outnumber the male friends they have and he often hangs out with his 'girl' friends, it is highly likely that he may be a player and getting the inside information for further prowling activities right from the girls themselves.

Some of these players however suffer from a lack of confidence, low self-esteem and a sense of low achievement in other parts of their lives, choosing the life of a player just to be validated and emotionally admired by as many women as he can and apparently it gives him an ego boost to be called a 'player' or a 'ladies man' so as not to feel inferior.

To you players out there, hear this...if you play or toy with the hearts and emotions of those around you, especially the truly sincere and nice ones (the ones you actually want to be with when you finally realise the error of your ways), you will lose any opportunity of having a real and worthy relationship with the woman you've always wanted and dreamed of and the Karma alone will get you not once but at least three times for whatever you send out comes back at least threefold to you...don't say I didn't warn you. Stop thinking with your other 'head' and realise the error of your ways. Find out what it is you truly want in life and think if you had a sister or niece, would you want them to meet and be with or hurt and even scarred for life by someone like you who is a player out to hurt people whether knowingly or unknowingly.

Keeps your relationship a secret

If the man truly cares for you, he would not be hiding you like the plague and won't be denying it either as if you were a skeleton in the closet. Players often do this to keep as many women strung up as possible for their picking when and how they feel.This way, he can still flirt with other women and perhaps even have many relationships at one stage, all lasting briefly or for as long as they get their prize.

Another thing is that he would hesitate to meet your family or introduce you to his friends unless his friends or even his family (father, brother, cousins etcetera) are part of his game of making sure he is portrayed in the best light possible to be the perfect man that every woman wants. Surely, if he is who he portrays himself to be, no advertising is really necessary, I say go with your gut ladies, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

Players will never come after you especially if he has already achieved his aim (emotional connection or plenty of sex). They are only using you for their own selfish needs. If you truly want a serious relationship, it has to be clear from the beginning. Both male and female players will flatter the people they are interested in and may keep several people in line by saying a lot of b**lls**t about not being ready for a relationship or afraid of his/her feelings.

Ask yourself (if you are currently in a casual relationship with a player) if there is anything lacking or missing in your relationship that is usually present in a serious relationship. If you think it is possible that he/she may be able to offer you whatever that is missing, tell him or her. Life is too short for games and is certainly not worth it spent on immature players like these.

These people will never change unless they figure it out on their own even though you may love them and/or try to reform them. I am not saying that players won't settle down once they find the "one" woman or man but this has to emanate and originate from themselves deciding upon this before this change will and can finally occur.

There are many players out there (both men and women). I hope this article helps increase awareness to both the women and men and also the players out there to hopefully change the error of their ways and come out as better people.


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    • Eiddwen profile image


      6 years ago from Wales

      Interesting and useful .

      Voted up.


    • robdog60 profile image

      Robert "The Robdog" Littlefield 

      6 years ago from Phx Az

      keeping it real baby keeping it real!

    • Purple Falcon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nat Holistic Health Professional IAHT IANLPC 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks robdog60 for your comments. Really think people should only say and do things they truly mean and not toy or play around with one anothers's heart and emotions. Cheers!

    • robdog60 profile image

      Robert "The Robdog" Littlefield 

      6 years ago from Phx Az

      men that do that well ....playing on someones emotions is not right at all. In fact that's pretty cold blooded...wake up people your playing with peoples emotions and heart and there is enough crap going on in the world where people shouldn't have to worry about a conversation or anything else....most people are real and caring ...others you never know...hey I got an season, no license or permit required! they think they got game lol well, wed have game huh!


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