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How to turn her on

Updated on October 4, 2014

Turning her on with a few easy tips

Let's get straight to the point because all women know that men have a very short attention span and you need the answers quickly!

When you first meet the woman that you find attractive, you fight to take her out to the best place that you can think of, you buy her flowers, send her sexy messages and look deep into her eyes, pretending to listen to her every word and you even look interested. That makes her leave the date, thinking that she has met a fabulous guy and she will go home and "think" about you and the date, your hot smile and the way that you looked at her.

The smell of your cologne, the hair, the clothes and the smooth talk will get her going but that doesn't last long if you don't have the "it" factor and should you wear one wrong thing and have one hair out of place, she will turn off as quickly as she was turned on.....just kidding!

For women, it is simple. To be turned on you need a hot body, great hair and you have got to take care of yourself hygienically. If you don't bath or shower and use soap of any kind, then you can stop wasting your time!

Hygiene is very important and you don't have to be wearing the most expensive cologne but you do need to look and smell fresh.

Some women like the rugged look but you still need to be CLEAN.

Clean nails, clean hair and a clean smelling body makes a big difference to a woman.

Smoking is okay as long as you don't have a smokers breath and if you drink then take it easy because there is nothing worse than sweating in the smell of a shebeen.

Let's go through all the steps one by one so that you can get her hot from the very beginning!

First date must be amazing
First date must be amazing

First date do's and don'ts

If she has agreed to go on a date with you then there is something about you that she likes!

Taking her out and getting to know her is a great move because it shows that you are interested. Avoid taking her to a bar or to a nightclub on a first date because that will be your last.

Don't forget that if she likes you she would've spent hours getting ready and that means that she expects you to notice her and compliment her on the way she looks.

Women, although independent, like a man to be a gentleman, so meeting her at the door or opening the car, letting her go first and pulling out her chair is a bonus point in your favour.

Never order for her because she can make up her own mind, don't be indecisive because that makes you look weak and don't try to get her drunk!! She knows that trick and won't fall for it.

Once you have her at the restaurant and you are clever enough to have taken her somewhere romantic but not too romantic (you don't want to make her run) then showing interest in her is a must do. Listening to her every word and paying attention is a plus because if you date then she will expect you to remember what she has already told you. We don't like to repeat ourselves!

You also need to bear in mind that if you are taking her to a romantic and expensive place, she is reading into your personality and expects this from you often, therefore, if you cannot afford an expensive place then be yourself man!! As long as you are interested, real and have manners, she will not mind.

Do not spend any time on your phone and do not glance at another woman because unless you make her your number one priority, she will never take your call again.

Never expect her to go back to your place afterwards and do not ask her if you can come over for coffee. Unless she asks you!

The first date has to be about getting to know each other and when you say your goodbyes you can give her a hug or let her know that you do not know what to do, in order for her to give you a sing of what would be comfortable. If she likes you she will give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Should she be easy then you would've probably been satisfied in the bathroom toilet at the restaurant.

Be her superhero and knight in shining armour; protective and strong
Be her superhero and knight in shining armour; protective and strong | Source

After the first date

After a couple of dates she is either into you or is she is not. Some women do not want to get into a physical relationship with a guy until she is absolutely sure that you are not playing her.

Most women will get intimate from the second or third date....if you turn her on.

This means that you have got to have a hot body, smell delicious and know exactly how to romance a woman and she has to feel a connection with you from the very beginning.

It is mostly a connection unless you are rich, drive a fancy car and have a wallet that is loaded with cash, whilst on a date in the most expensive place, wearing a that case she will pull you into the car, suggest a hotel or take you to the toilet. (Don't expect love from this girl and hide your wallet later.)

Shallow women love money, cars and bling, that is a turn on and you can be the ugliest and cruelest looking guy on the block.

Getting naked

There are a few things that are an instant turn off for a woman.

Hygiene - if you are not clean she is not interested and soap is a must in your everyday routine.

Have the respect enough to shower or clean up after you have been to the toilet because no girl wants to dive into a sewer!

A clean environment is also a plus and if you have take away boxes or clothing lying all over your apartment, it could be difficult for her to assume there is no staining on your sheets!

Unless she is extremely drunk, your toilet needs to be clean to, because if that is dirty then she will feel violated which could turn her off completely.

Once you are in the bedroom, rushing in is a complete turn off unless she is a lady of the night or a one night stand.... then she doesn't even care who you are and will be out in the next ten minutes.

If it is a girl that you want a future with, you need to take your time and make her feel safe, sexy and you have to SEDUCE her.

Romance (not fake and cheesy) foreplay and a gentle but strong approach is a great turn on.

Avoid smelling like alcohol, being drunk and slobbering all over her because that is a one way ticket out of there!

Women want a guy that is in control, makes them feel safe, sexy and takes their time to get to know each part of their partners body. It doesn't matter if you are a pro at going down if you can't make her feel good before you get to the bedroom.

A woman also doesn't like a guy to be smothering and ask if everything is okay every five seconds. Be sure of yourself but not too sure and be confident but not egotistical.

Loving, gentle and yet seductive and sexy with a romantic and comfortable flair is exactly what a woman needs to be turned on.

Once you have gotten to know each part of each other's body and you have done the deed that might keep her interested, you then need to hold her and make her feel protected afterwards. Not just for a five minute "I better cuddle" thing but a genuine and emotionally comfortable hold. This will make her feel safe, protected and loved. If you want her to feel cheap and used, then you can avoid the loving, rub her shoulder and say goodnight. In that case you may as well pay her for services rendered and send her packing!

Be gentle and loving, she can tell if you love her from just a kiss!
Be gentle and loving, she can tell if you love her from just a kiss!

How do you turn her on?

See results

Long term turn on

If you tried very hard to get this girl to go out with you and she seems interested then you are probably still dating....unless you lie, cheat or are shallow.

Once you have been dating for a while there is no need to turn her on because you still listen to her, would do anything for her, spoil her and look into her eyes with love. She can also tell how you feel from the kiss and the affection that you give. So if she is still with you then you are doing something right!

Once the "honeymoon" is over that means that you have been together for a while, you have stopped looking at her the way that you used to, you pretend to listen by nodding your head and avoiding eye contact and the flowers, dates and compliments have been replaced by orders, taking her for granted and a guy that drinks beer, unwashed in front of the television, expecting his food to be brought to him and his washing to be folded and packed into his cupboard.

Cleaning up after a grown man is not a turn on for any woman and that needs a lot of work if you want her to feel remotely sexy.

Romance is a part of turning a woman on and you need it to connect every now and again.

If you spend all your time with mates, on the phone or connecting with your past on social networks, then turning her on is going to be difficult because you are showing her no interest and you would rather spend your time with the past and buddies rather than with her, then you are in for a bumpy ride because she will either let you get on with it, while quietly enjoying her alone time or she will be packing a bag and walking out of your life before you blink and wonder what happened.....either way there is no turn on here, not by you anyway.

Finding intimacy in marriage can be difficult for both man and woman
Finding intimacy in marriage can be difficult for both man and woman
Get intimate and find out what you both like
Get intimate and find out what you both like

How to turn your wife on

Naturally after a long term relationship, kids, bills, mortgage and a couple of pounds, it is difficult to get turned on by the same woman that you have been with for the past few years and believe me she feels the same, if not more turned off then you. How can she feel sexy if she has just cleaned the bathroom ,done the laundry, washed the clothes, iroend them, packed them away and done the cooking?

You get home from work and ask her what the dinner menu is, did she pay the bills and then slouch down onto your favourite couch whilst waiting for dinner...... she wants you still and yet you show no interest.

Guys wonder why there wives don't look at them the same and they are off on their own missions or joining clubs or finding hobbies......this is to get their minds off of the lack of interest that you show, in fact he is probably questioning whether you are having an affair or if she should!

Why does this happen, because you take her for granted and you already have her, so there is no need to keep her interested because you put a ring on her finger and tied her down with kids.

You forget that she is still your wife, the woman you chased around to marry, the woman that you bought flowers for, took out each time you got a chance and the woman that you laughed and cried with the woman that would do anything for you and the affection that she loved to give.

After years of marriage people loose interest, guys go through crisis mode as do woman and people drift apart but the one thing that you have to remember is that this is the woman tht has been through absolutely everything with you and she is still the woman that you haven't completely gotten to know yet.

Yes, there are still ways that she can get excited and turned just don't know about it and part of the foreplay is to try new things and listen to the ideas nad fantasies that she would love to share with you, if you could just go back and maker her feel as though she is the woman that you made feel so special to begin with.

Tips on getting her turned on

Be spontaneous

Be a gentleman

Take it slow

Get to know and appreciate every part of her body

Listen to what she wants

Quickies are fun but sometimes you need to feel as though you are making love

Make eye contact

Touch her softly and gently whilst being protective and strong

Go back to the start and date nights are important

Be flirty, fun and adventurous

Don't forget to make her feel safe after intimacy, with just a cuddle
Don't forget to make her feel safe after intimacy, with just a cuddle

Turning any woman on

You have to feel every part of her body as if you feel every part is there to be explored, slowly and appreciate each and every moment. Yes a quickie is fun spontaneously but taking it slow and being seductive is a real turn on... if you don't have the time, then don't do it.

Listening to her and making her feel important, adored and completely loved is a natural turn on.

Date night is important because it makes her feel as though you are still interested and you want to show her off proudly.

Romance is important to a woman and that means candles, wine and conversation.... if you haven't had that for a while don't expect her to drip with excitement!

She is and always will be the one that loves you but you need to acknowledge her and make her know that you appreciate and remember the history that you have been through together.

Intimacy means making love and that means that you need to know what her needs, fantasies and feelings are as well as being open about what you want to.

Keeping it fresh is important and ignoring her unintentionally could make her drift away or turn off completely, which could lead to her finding someone that will idolise her.... hence the "toyboy" scenario which makes her feel important and adored.

To turn her on means to seduce her honestly and genuinely, and she can tell when you are not sincere.

To turn on your wife you need to go back to when you first started dating, when you showed complete interest and you made time for her because you were trying so hard to get her.

Take yourself back to the start and be flirty, fun and adventurous, spontaneous and show interest or try something new, whilst taking it slow....intimately.

Look good and make an effort to shave, shower and put on your cologne, compliment her when she has dressed up and notice her efforts.

Every now and again be a gentleman and open the door, help her put and make her feel safe and also make her feel as if she is the most important person in your whole existence.

© 2014 Natasha Pelati


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    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      When you love someone you know exactly why you love them and even after years of sadness, joy, experiences and adventures and arguments, you still know why you love them. Those that don't know why, are not in love and the attraction does go but it comes back depending on how hard the partners try to keep things fresh.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I was wondering if that's what love actually is, you could spend 40 years together, & still couldn't say why you love each other..I mean we know we love someone or something, but could we say why?..A better way of putting it would be we know we love our partner, but we don't know why..If we knew why we loved him/her, wouldn't that come under attraction rather than love?..So even after 40 years together we still wouldn't know why we loved each other, & so will still be in love with each other..I mean we can't lose the love if we don't know why we're in love in the first place, & that's maybe why people who are really in love with each other stay together through thick & thin.

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      Relationships are easy if there is love. Couples are always going to have problems because living in a space with one from Venus and the other from Mars can't be easy all the time.

      Meeting people and being your true self is important if you want to have a relationship because finding out later that you are both interested in different things can make a change in the status.

      Lets hope that people don't wait 40 years to find out why they love each other, lol!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I see we think along similar lines, but here's how i see it or the analogy i like to use..I like to look at everyone as different from everyone else which is obvious i know, but what i mean is deep down inside us we all have a certain "default setting" if you like..Now if when i started dating instead of heading out to the bars/clubs etc trying to "find" women, i tried to find my own "default setting" (which are all the things i loved doing, besides women!lol), i would eventually find all the things i loved doing in life....That's what i reckon people who want to find their real true soul mate should be doing, & only that as there's bound to be other people involved...But what most people do is they set off searching/hoping to meet their soul mate, before they even know who "they" are themselves..Like you say during the honeymoon period we try harder which means we put on false imagined default settings, in an attempt to match our partners expectations or we try to come to some sort of compromise..Compromise can kill relationships whilst negotiating keeps the fun in the relationship, & like you say communicating without arguing is crucial, & that's where the negotiating comes in....I'm making relationships sound hard i know, but here's what i reckon..A relationship is only hard if there's no real love there, because if both parties love each other the love will always win through..So if I'm doing what i love doing, & i happen to meet a girl who's also doing something she loves doing..We're both at the time doing something we love, so that's got to be the best foundation for some sort of relationship..Better I'd say than meeting a girl in a bar/club, where the only thing we probably have in common would be getting sloshed!lol....Like you say most people can't change, but it's because they "follow the trend/society" "other people/celebs" etc..Most people haven't found & aren't even looking for their default setting, which means most people aren't doing what they love doing....One of the big no no's in a relationship I'd say is if one or both parties, are relying on each other for their own happiness..What i mean is the ideal scenario is we'd make ourselves happy first by finding all the things we love doing, then we get a partner..Because if our partner was to leave us we would only go back to being happy, as we've still got all the things we love doing..We might be upset temporarily but we wouldn't have to rebuild our lives, & then try to find another person to rely on for happiness..The reason i say default setting is that's why all my relationships have failed in the past, mine & all my ex's default settings from the beginning "weren't" compatible, & it takes time to find that out....One last theory I've got is that if one or the other person wants to split with their partner, then i reckon (similar to "the one" theory) that "neither" person was in love with the other in the first place..So if there's a guy that's been dumped, & insists he still loves her I'd say he doesn't..He was only in love with the girl that loved him back, & he thought she loved him..Once he finds out she doesn't love him she's no longer the person he thought she was, & he only still thinks he loves the girl that loves him back..I think love is real & can only be manifested with another person or object, & beauty is in the eye of the beholder (as we all have different default settings)..I think that when 2 people fall in love nothing can separate them, & there who they are with each other from day one..I mean i can see how you could learn to respect someone, but can we really learn how to love someone?..My point to all that is would we actually be able to say "why" we love our partner?, or is that what we spend 40 years together trying to find out?lol.

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      Thanks for the input! You have a sense of humour which women like too.

      The problem for those short term relationships is interesting because when a woman meets a man and they date for the first two years, then they get comfortable, which is when the dating stops and both partners are taken for granted.

      In the first year a couple are trying to impress each other, 2nd year they start showing their true colours 3rd year they slip back into habits and reveal their true likes/dislikes and by the 4th year you either love the habits or you hate them and that is when you know if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

      Most men and women try to impress and a woman will say she enjoys golf or sport when in fact she actually doesn't. A man will say that he enjoys shopping or romance when in fact he doesn't. The problem is that both men and women should just be themselves from the very beginning to avoid a break up later.

      Women do expect men to change in some way because the man that they met was someone else when they met him. What people don't understand is that people do not change and if you are the real you when you met, then that is what they should because if they expect change then this is a waste of time.

      A hefty wallet is a bonus!! women love the fantasy of "richard gere in pretty woman" or Inecent proposal with Robert Redford but in reality they just want an honest guy who will make them feel safe and protected, adored and obviously romanced.

      It is true women do want the bad, good, jealous not jealous etc.... but most important is that they want a guy that they can easily communicate with, and be completely honest with as well as him doing the same. They want a best friend, who takes pride in their appearance but not too much otherwise they will assume you are vain, they want soemone protective but not possessive and they want romance, love and a knight in shining armour!

      Lol the trimming is a good idea then!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I've got to say i really enjoyed reading that & i love your sense of humor, but i have a theory for you as to why most relationships don't work out..I am a man but please bear with me on this, as some of us men do know a thing or 2 you know!lol....In the UK the average relationship is sadly 2.5 years, & i must admit I've had a few of those myself..In the end i decided i won't waste mine or anyone else's time anymore, & decided to find out why i always seemed to end up back at square one & single..Obviously that mean't no dating or sex etc, so quite a big decision for me to take....Anyway the reason it's only 2.5 years is because most people aren't in love in the first place, they just confuse love with other things..They get together & every things great through the honeymoon period, but once that's over with they set about trying to change/adapt each other into the person they would/could/should love..But alas people don't & very rarely can change who they are, & so after a few years of trying either one or the other or both parties wants to split up......As far as turning women on i just get my wallet out!lol, of course I'm only joking i really just have a bath!haha....I bet i can tell you the kind of guy "all" women want even yourself, & lets just assume that it's nothing to do with looks....Women want the bad guy, the good guy, the tough guy, the gentle guy, the caring guy, the mean guy, the strong guy, the emotional guy, the weak guy, the jealous guy, the not jealous guy, the funny guy, the clever guy etc etc..The only problem is they want "all" that molded into the one "fit" guy so you can see why we're so confused by women, because we have to decipher when it's time to be each one of those guys!lol....I know many tricks to getting girls interested in me, but i honestly don't use any of them for that specific reason..I mention that because the eye contact is "the" number one thing, that guys don't realize women love..I even know where every ones "soul mate" is right now or where they'l probably be tomorrow (that's if they haven't already found them)....I'll give you one to add to any future suggestions, being as though hygiene is high on your list of priorities as it obviously should be..That is a well trimmed sack as we say in the UK, because trimming our nether regions is like trimming a cactus plant, it makes it look a lot bigger!lol


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