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How to understand your spouse better? The key to happiness!

Updated on October 28, 2014

‘A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.’ –Don Fraser

There are times when your spouse feels you do not understand his\her viewpoint. You too are bewildered when you are unable to understand the inner feelings of your spouse. Sometimes you are shocked by his\her depressive and angry mood swings.

Do you also feel that your married life would be well off if you understood your spouse better? You are not alone in feeling confused about what your spouse expects from you after marriage.

In fact most couples do not understand their spouse at all!

Why do you find it impossible to understand your spouse? You felt you knew your spouse inside out when you married him\her, didn’t you? But after marriage you are baffled when your spouse undergoes many changes in his \her behavior towards you.

When you do not understand your spouse properly your relationship lacks true happiness and contentment.

How does misunderstanding creep into your marriage?

  • When you do not share your feelings with your spouse.
  • When you lack the emotional bond very necessary to make your marriage thrive.
  • When you do not get into the shoes of your spouse you never understand his\her viewpoint.
  • When you do not communicate with your spouse you never really know his\her true self.

After marriage you are more focused on making your life financially well off. You want great social status. You compare yourself with others and join the rat race to earn more and more money. In the process you forget to concentrate on the emotional aspect of your married life. You do not spend quality time with your spouse and your relationship becomes so routine and mundane that you are soon bored with your married life.

Don’t you feel it strange that you do not properly understand the person you loved and married?

When there is no intimate interaction between you, you never really know your spouse. Getting into the mind of your spouse is the secret of success of any marriage. After marriage it is inevitable that there are changes in your attitude and that of your spouse.

The love you have for each other does not change and remains the same. But your outlook towards life changes according to your changed situation. Responsibilities make you shift your concentration to fulfill your commitments. You become tensed and stressed by the family issues.

Your spouse misconstrues your focus on your responsibility as a deviation from him\her. This becomes a major issue in your relationship as it makes him\her feel lost that you no longer love him\her as ardently as before.

  • Do you make yourself tensed and stressed that your married life has lost all its newness?
  • Do you feel that your marriage can never be revived?
  • Are you breaking your head about the changes in the behavior of your spouse?

Such confused thoughts make your relationship muddled and complex. The closeness you enjoyed with your spouse during your love days should continue into your married life also. If you do so the intimacy between both mellows and thrives with more love.

Did you ever feel confused about your spouse during your dating days?

Both were sure of your love for each other weren’t you?

Then how is it you have so much doubts about your spouse after marriage?

The root cause for the misunderstanding you have with your spouse is your lack of communication. You do not communicate with your spouse at all! ‘I talk with him\her and I do discuss family matters with him\her.’ Do you think that talking with your spouse means communication?

This sort of communication happens between anyone!

In marriage you communication has an entirely meaning!

It is the talking of minds!

Do not hide your feelings from your spouse. Do not leave him\her in the dark about what you expect from him\her. When you feel you do not like what your spouse does, there is nothing wrong in talking it out with him\her. When you sort out your differences instantly your relationship feels more relaxed and comfortable.

You are an individual and your spouse is an individual and so there are bound to be differences in character, behavior and attitude. It is these differences which make your marriage spicy. Do not take these differences as a prelude to the failure of your marriage!

Marriage is not as complicated as you think it to be! It is a very easy and beautiful relationship if you see it in its proper perspective! Do not play guessing games and ruin your happiness! Understand and realize the inner needs of your spouse to make your married life blossom with love.

© 2014 mathira


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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I am beginning to believe that this is an endless process. Understanding another human being is difficult at best....something we should strive for but may never totally achieve. Wonderful insights here my friend.


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