- Gender and Relationships
How Does He Win You Back?
Men, there is always a way to win a woman back if you really care about her...however, giving her too much space or letting too much time pass before trying isn't going to be in your favor.
Since relationships are not perfect there is bound to be a moment (or possibly many) when disputes and arguments occur. Depending on what the dispute or argument is about, you might experience the "silent treatment," or "time off" period... or, in many cases, an unexpected break-up.
Most break-ups occur for dumb reasons: not taking ownership of one's actions, not thinking (rationally) before taking an action, not fully listening, stubbornness, inability to admit when you are wrong, fear of getting one’s heart broken, uncompromising, being judgmental, making accusations that aren't true, not being supportive, inability to apologize, always thinking you are right, or not being able to forgive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that these issues aren't significant—they are, but they shouldn't be permanent deal breakers. Especially since most of these things occur when one’s ego takes over.
Communication is imperative in all relationships. If a guy is displaying any of the above actions, and he realizes that they are inappropriate and wrong, is he willing to work on them in order to win a woman back? If so, she will most likely take him back.
Women want to feel valued, cared for, emotionally secure and important in a man's life—it's really that simple. If a guy tells a woman that he really cares for her, but then turns around and does something wrong and walks away from the relationship like she never meant anything to him, she is going to believe exactly that—even if that's not the message he means to send. Our silence occurs from one moment feeling important in a man's life, to the next moment—not.
Guys, when a woman is upset with you, and gives you the silent treatment, this doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to break-up—unless you have severely crossed the line, as in cheating or physical abuse. Unless you have both discussed that the relationship is beyond repair, then don't assume you should back away or let too much time pass by before contacting her to work things out. If she is like me, out of sight eventually means out of mind. The openness and willingness that a woman feels after a man has upset her can start to dissipate every time a guy waits to call or doesn’t attempt to see her.
Even if a breakup has occurred, a guy should determine the connection he has had with a woman before completely throwing in the towel by believing that there is no way she will forgive him (again, unless he has cheated or was physically abusive).
Time and time again, I will hear a man say that they have, "never felt this type of connection before" with a woman, but the second he does something wrong to upset her or a fight occurs, he is quick to walk away and give up. Why? If there is a unique connection why would you want to give it up so easily?
Unfortunately for many men, their ego ends up being their decision maker. They would rather walk away versus having their ego bruised by the possibility of rejection. Or, they are too prideful—thinking that they will find another woman who is "just as great" one day. Maybe, but if it's taken a guy years to find this connection again, or possibly she is the first he's ever felt this way with, how long will it take for him to find that again, and why take that risk?
Again, when the ego guides a man's decision making to give up on a relationship that they know deep down inside was great, its ends up being a pile of regret...especially when they don't end up finding that similar connection with another woman.
Ladies, I am sure you have a guy in your life that has told you about that one girl that got away (blah blah blah). He wishes he had either tried harder to keep her when they were together or was more open to working things out when they broke up. Now, she is either in a serious relationship, engaged, or maybe even married with children. I have to say, when I hear a guy tell me how he regrets a woman "getting away" all I can think (and usually say to him), "dummy, there are so many things that you could have done to win her back, why didn't you try?" Trust me, I have been there when I ended things with a guy—not because I didn't care or want to be with him, but because he stopped trying and I no longer felt I was important in his life.
I dated a guy who became untrustworthy and kept pushing me away. He started communicating with this girl that he worked with and when I found out that they had "hung out" when he said he was having guys night I was done. The fact that his communication and time we were spending together started to lessen, I didn't believe he cared about me or wanted to be in a relationship with me, since he was spending emotional time with another girl, and who knows what else. When I ended things, this guy ended up doing a complete 180...
He did everything in his power to win me back. He called every day, leaving heartfelt messages on my voicemail. He sent flowers and cards to my work and home—apologizing for how stupid he had been. He even showed up at my work for a few minutes, telling me that he just wanted me to know much he loved me, and then he would walk away. This guy was relentless.
Two month had gone by and he didn't give up. In between that time we had a few talks, but they were mostly me telling him that I wasn't going to be with a guy who wanted to be with other women and how his actions when we were together not only broke my heart, but broke our trust. Still...he didn't give up.
Here's the thing- I didn't end things with this guy because I fell out of love with him, stopped caring, or thought that what we had together didn't mean anything. I thought what we had- when we both put in the effort- was great... however, it couldn't be one sided. Right before the break up, I one-hundred percent thought that he did not want to be with me based on his actions.
When I truly felt that this guy was serious and realized what we had—by his action and working hard to prove that I was who he wanted—the trust came back that I once felt with him. We were able to work things out and became even closer. We stayed together for many years after that, and now we are good friends.
Men, trying, although scary to put your heart on the line, is worth it...so you don't walk away with regrets. The older you become, the harder those unique connection are to find.
21 Ways To Win Her Back:
1. Make an effort
2. Acknowledge that there's a problem
3. Listen actively
4. Sometimes persistence is key—don't give up so easily if you care about her
5. Pick up the phone and call—don't fix it through text
6. Visit her in person to make things right
7. Be compassionate
8. Admit when you’re wrong
9. Don't make her question your loyalty
10. If you’re really sorry, say it with sincerity
11. Consider if the fight is worth losing her—if it's going to cause a break in the relationship why drag it on?
12. Let go of your pride
13. Don't cut her short when talking, let every detail come out so it doesn't get brought up again later
14. No accusatory or sarcastic tones
15. Remind her why you care about her and the great things regarding your relationship
16. Do something special that's unique to your relationship
17. Acknowledge that the situations isn't about winning or losing, it's about compromising
18. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your emotions as well
19. Talk like an adult and work the problem out
20. If you cheated don't send flowers, it makes things worse
21. Try to carve out an entire day in your schedule so once the fight is resolved you will have meaningful alone time with her
Ladies, if a guy is going to let his pride and ego keep him from trying to win you back after he has done something wrong, then he doesn't deserve you in the first place—and frankly, he's probably too immature. You deserve to be with a man who can admit when he's wrong—no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, so be with a guy who is open to working things out and won't give up so easily.
Bottom line, a guy should want to try to not give up in order to show you that you and the relationship you had together is worth saving—and if the tables were reversed, you should do the same. Of course, if you are really done and can't find it in your heart to forgive him for obvious reasons (too much trust has been broken) then communicate this open and honestly. Maybe I'm just a sucker for romance, but I truly feel that when you love and sincerely care for someone, any relationship can eventually be repaired. Trust me, if he's too dumb to realize how special you are, then it's time to move on to another guy who will.
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