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How to Approach Someone You Are Attracted To

Updated on January 12, 2012

Ok Guys, what do you do when you see someone you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some cliché line that you saw in the movies? Do you stand there in silence trying to think of the right thing to say? Aaaahhhh what is the right thing to do?

When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of worrying too much about what to say. There really is no ‘magic' thing to say to attract a woman!

Rarely does the approach of ‘one liners' work. To catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her and how your true personality comes through when you converse.

Here are a few surefire ways to catch her eye her every time:

Be Observant! Make a comment about some small detail that you observe either about the place you are in (the restaurant, store, wherever you happen to be when you start the conversation). Some examples may be to say something about how great the food smells in the restaurant and ask her if she has eaten there before.

Make your comment relevant to the situation so that the conversation becomes natural and not rehearsed or cliché. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.

Also be observant to her, once a conversation is going then make a genuine comment on a piece of jewelry she is wearing for example. Don't make the mistake of saying goofy things like, "Your eyes are like pools...." She will see right though that!

Have Positive Body Language. If you walk over to someone with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with your shoulders back, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. A woman who sees a man with very low self esteem will run like the wind because all too often that man is looking for a cheerleader or mother rather than a mate. If you truly have low self esteem, you may want to work through those issues before indulging in a relationship.

Be Happy and Smile. Women like men who are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only helps you to be more confident, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the first few moments of building rapport. If you truly are not a happy smiley person, then don't overdo the forced smile. Anyone can see through someone who is forcing smiles and joy. If you have difficulty being a happy positive person, I suggest you work on that before focusing on finding and striking up conversations with women!

Don't Be Shy. If you hesitate in your approach, she may read it as a lack of confidence which for some women is an immediate turn-off. When you see someone you wish to strike up a conversation with, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule is a good standard). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and is willing to go after it. Just watch the aggressiveness. Be assertive without being overly aggressive. Huge turn off to anyone.

Don't Be Too Eager. If you approach her too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you. Especially in these days where safety and security are foremost in people's minds, never be overly eager or pushy. It will be hard for her to get over the initial impression of someone spooking her by being to eager.

Have Frequent Eye Contact. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this. Eye contact sends a message that you are truly interested in what she has to say. This is true in any conversation. No one wants to be telling someone something important and that person can barely look you in the face. If looking directly into the person's eyes constantly feels unnatural or is hard to do, then look at the bridge between the person's eyes and look at their eyes every so often. Make sure that you are not doing the ‘blank stare' when looking at a person during a conversation, that shows lack of interest also.

Truly Listen! Make sure you are paying attention to what she says. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast. Mirror back to her what she said or ask her questions that provoke more conversation. Women are very social beings. To mirror back means if she says something about how she just loves funny movies, then say back to her, "You love funny movies too? I saw xxx and loved it, have you seen that one?"

Sit Still! Fidgeting when talking to someone is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable talking to her. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, and will likely end the conversation. Practice being aware of your movements and pay attention to them, be sure that you are communicating comfort and confidence with your body language.

Have a Calm Confident Tone of Voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching someone in a fun and playful tone is one of the best ways to start out a first line. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like "I hope you saved some of that for me," followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Genuine humor gets you a long ways, just don't become a clown!

Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations. Some people do not realize that they have a harsh tone of voice when their intentions are far from harsh.

Don't Lean in Too Close. Leaning in too far when talking with someone often makes them feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.

As odd as this seems, practice these things with your friends. Make mental notes of the reactions you get. When you practice the right ways to approach women or anyone in your life for that matter, they soon become second nature and are a part of your personality.


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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Seems to be helpful

    • profile image

      katamba phillip 

      7 years ago

      Ha hahahahahh.......thanx

    • profile image

      fred kinene 

      8 years ago

      this is owesome

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Thank u very much for the advice

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Thanks for posting this, very helpful.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Thanks, really valuable notes.


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