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How to Flirt Without Looking Slutty

Updated on February 14, 2009

How much thigh is too much?

Some advice on successful flirting

You're in the office, and you're watching that hot, cute software contractor walking around. Actually, all the women are watching him. And every one of them has been trying to get his attention. He's been friendly with all of you.

You've gone out of your way this week to look good. You've made it a point to mention you're single in a very nonchalant way: "I had to come in late today because I had to wait for the cable guy. I live alone, ... all alone... so it was up to me to be there if I ever want to watch Weeds again."

So it's Friday, it's his last day on site with your office. And he asks out the tramp from customer service. She was so obvious! How the hell did that happen?

You're determined not to let that happen again. On Wednesday you go to the usual Happy Hour at the local bar, and you notice a new attendee. You see him with the gang from the bank. Unfortunately, the "Margarita Girls" from the law office across the street have seen him too. And you think: Oh no. Not again. You make your way over, determined not to blend in with the woodwork this time.

Drink in hand, you do the casual hellos. He smiles when he's introduced to you. You see this as a good sign. You run your tongue over your teeth as you smile back. You do the hair flip as you laugh at a dumb joke, and you pull your skirt up as you sit on the barstool next to his. It's a little more than you're used to, but before you know it, your hand is slipping your skirt up even farther. More than enough thigh to catch his attention. That's when you do the Basic Instinct uncross and recross of the legs, only you keep them closed. You lean forward as much as you can and let the cleavage do a little of the conversing. Whatever the topic of conversation is, you're input is somewhat brave... somewhat dirty. You're trying to let him know you're interested and you figure this casual flirty slutty effort will do the trick. You're playful. You're sexual. You manage to mention you like boxers on men, and even better, off. You tell him you had the best Brazilian bikini wax yesterday and you're feeling smooth. You drop the name of a porn star you only happen to know because your little brother has talked about her non stop for years. You're batting your lashes and working that skirt, and you let him catch you looking at his ass.

Then he gets up, and walks over to the girls from the law office. And he sits down to eat at a real table with one of them about 25 minutes later.

What just happened? You flirted full on like a slut that time. It worked for that tramp from your office. What's the problem here?

The problem is, you aren't a slut.

That slutty flirting thing only works for women that can follow through. And I'm not knocking it. A strong, sexually empowered Samantha Jones woman that controls her dating destiny can flirt in a suggestive seductive way that will work. The reason it works, is because the Samantha Jones type is being honest. She's being herself. And she's probably getting exactly what she's hunting for.

Being your self is more likely going to work for you. It will result in better flirting, and better target aim for the kind of thing you're really looking for.

The best flirting advice anyone can give is this: don't censor yourself. If you're a sports fan, go ahead and comment on the game, or the season. If you really did just get a Brazilian and enjoy talking about it, then do so. You can be open to hearing about a topic you wouldn't normally enjoy, but don't fane interest in something that really doesn't interest you. You can maintain common courtesy and smile at bad jokes so that no one's feelings are hurt, without laughing overtly.

As far as how much thigh to show, the answer is simple. Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with showing a little leg or cleavage if that makes you feel sexy and empowered. If it makes you feel obvious, odd, or vulnerable, then stop it.

Slutty is a subjective term. Don't get caught up in labels and name calling. If it isn't beneath you to do so, than it should be. And thinking about the chick from customer service or the women from Happy Hour who were more successful at flirting than you were is not going to help you find your own comfort zone, or the kind of guy you want to date anyway.

From what you wear, to how you behave physically, to the things you say and how you say them, make decisions that create a feeling of security and strength - whatever that means to you. No body else's parameters matter. Be yourself. Be confidant, and be comfortable in your own skin. Not only will you find flirting more enjoyable, but you will also find more success at it, and attract better matches.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.


All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.


Submit a Comment
  • MikeSyrSutton profile image


    9 years ago from An uncharted galaxy

    Well written. Voted up!

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR


    11 years ago from NY

    Thanks rachitha!

  • rachitha profile image


    11 years ago from Mangalore

    Great One and so true. Loved your style of writing.

  • profile image


    12 years ago

    Whatever happened to the golden girls.

  • profile image

    dr. dave 

    12 years ago

    Do women really need help learning how to flirt? As I guy, I tend to assume that's some mysterious power that all women either come by innately, or is passed down to them via secret rituals. Like knowing how to put on makeup.

  • profile image


    12 years ago

    I liked the story to begin with!

    But i'll still be a bad flirter after this so maybe more advice?

    Sorry no offense aye, I'm just being myself which i guess is immature and non-flirty.

  • profile image


    13 years ago

    I must say, V, I do not always agree with your ways but I am always impressed beyond words at how openminded and nonjudgemental you are. You are so fair when you write about people. I wish I had friends like you.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR


    13 years ago from NY

    Thanks Stephanie~

    I will check out the link.

    There is a recurring theme through most of my advice hubs, that comes down to being honest and being yourself. I'm glad you were able to pick that up.

  • profile image


    13 years ago

    I love your hub. Just gave you a "Thumbs up". You are so right. So many times I was trying to imitate those slutty girls only to realize that I wasn't being myself. At certain times it seemed like whatever I tried it wasn't working and I couldn't figure out why.

    But after a while a learnt to give more subtle signals to guys. Very small gestures that they almost don't realize. I came across that site

    Amy had a lot of great tips. Some seemed so obvious - yet others totally blew me away. I am now pretty confident with men and I feel that they always react when I am around.

  • profile image


    14 years ago

    You always advize people to be honest and be themselves. I think that is great advice. You also say not to judge other people. I hope people give you that same respect.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR


    14 years ago from NY

    Thanks CareyYo!

  • CareyYo profile image


    14 years ago from Fullerton

    I love this hub!

  • profile image

    debra stockfisch 

    14 years ago

    how can it be done


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