- Gender and Relationships
How to Flirt Without Looking Slutty
How much thigh is too much?
Some advice on successful flirting
You're in the office, and you're watching that hot, cute software contractor walking around. Actually, all the women are watching him. And every one of them has been trying to get his attention. He's been friendly with all of you.
You've gone out of your way this week to look good. You've made it a point to mention you're single in a very nonchalant way: "I had to come in late today because I had to wait for the cable guy. I live alone, ... all alone... so it was up to me to be there if I ever want to watch Weeds again."
So it's Friday, it's his last day on site with your office. And he asks out the tramp from customer service. She was so obvious! How the hell did that happen?
You're determined not to let that happen again. On Wednesday you go to the usual Happy Hour at the local bar, and you notice a new attendee. You see him with the gang from the bank. Unfortunately, the "Margarita Girls" from the law office across the street have seen him too. And you think: Oh no. Not again. You make your way over, determined not to blend in with the woodwork this time.
Drink in hand, you do the casual hellos. He smiles when he's introduced to you. You see this as a good sign. You run your tongue over your teeth as you smile back. You do the hair flip as you laugh at a dumb joke, and you pull your skirt up as you sit on the barstool next to his. It's a little more than you're used to, but before you know it, your hand is slipping your skirt up even farther. More than enough thigh to catch his attention. That's when you do the Basic Instinct uncross and recross of the legs, only you keep them closed. You lean forward as much as you can and let the cleavage do a little of the conversing. Whatever the topic of conversation is, you're input is somewhat brave... somewhat dirty. You're trying to let him know you're interested and you figure this casual flirty slutty effort will do the trick. You're playful. You're sexual. You manage to mention you like boxers on men, and even better, off. You tell him you had the best Brazilian bikini wax yesterday and you're feeling smooth. You drop the name of a porn star you only happen to know because your little brother has talked about her non stop for years. You're batting your lashes and working that skirt, and you let him catch you looking at his ass.
Then he gets up, and walks over to the girls from the law office. And he sits down to eat at a real table with one of them about 25 minutes later.
What just happened? You flirted full on like a slut that time. It worked for that tramp from your office. What's the problem here?
The problem is, you aren't a slut.
That slutty flirting thing only works for women that can follow through. And I'm not knocking it. A strong, sexually empowered Samantha Jones woman that controls her dating destiny can flirt in a suggestive seductive way that will work. The reason it works, is because the Samantha Jones type is being honest. She's being herself. And she's probably getting exactly what she's hunting for.
Being your self is more likely going to work for you. It will result in better flirting, and better target aim for the kind of thing you're really looking for.
The best flirting advice anyone can give is this: don't censor yourself. If you're a sports fan, go ahead and comment on the game, or the season. If you really did just get a Brazilian and enjoy talking about it, then do so. You can be open to hearing about a topic you wouldn't normally enjoy, but don't fane interest in something that really doesn't interest you. You can maintain common courtesy and smile at bad jokes so that no one's feelings are hurt, without laughing overtly.
As far as how much thigh to show, the answer is simple. Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with showing a little leg or cleavage if that makes you feel sexy and empowered. If it makes you feel obvious, odd, or vulnerable, then stop it.
Slutty is a subjective term. Don't get caught up in labels and name calling. If it isn't beneath you to do so, than it should be. And thinking about the chick from customer service or the women from Happy Hour who were more successful at flirting than you were is not going to help you find your own comfort zone, or the kind of guy you want to date anyway.
From what you wear, to how you behave physically, to the things you say and how you say them, make decisions that create a feeling of security and strength - whatever that means to you. No body else's parameters matter. Be yourself. Be confidant, and be comfortable in your own skin. Not only will you find flirting more enjoyable, but you will also find more success at it, and attract better matches.
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All text is original content by Veronica.
All photos are used with permission.
All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.