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I Love You So Much I Will Hurt You: Abuse In America

Updated on December 29, 2014

MOMMY

The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent.
James T. Walsh

The statistics are staggering.

· 3.3 million child abuse reports each year involving six million children

· More than five children die each day from child abuse

· 25% of women have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime.

· More than three women and one man are murdered each day by their intimate partners

· Child abuse costs the United States over $125 billion dollars per year

· 30% of abused and neglected children will abuse their own children

· 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator in some way

· An estimated three million women are victims of domestic violence each year

But those are just statistics, merely numbers that are seen and then forgotten by many. Abuse of any form is real life and not numbers.

The tears no longer come. They are replaced by a numbness, the mind’s defense system pulling up the drawbridge and keeping her safe for another night. She thinks of happier days when she was a child, skipping through puddles and laughing with her friends. She married for love. How could she have foreseen the beatings, the name-calling, the demeaning treatment from the man she married? Is this all there is to life? Year after year of explaining away the bruises and making excuses for his behavior; is this all there is to life?

H.O.W. Do We Stop Abuse?
H.O.W. Do We Stop Abuse? | Source

WHY

Abuse comes in many forms. Verbal abuse uses words and body language to criticize and belittle. Slowly self-worth diminishes and is replaced by feelings of worthlessness and of being undeserving.

Psychological abuse, or mental abuse, or emotional abuse, happens when one partner is controlling and manipulates the other person’s sense of reality.

Physical abuse, the dishing out of pain, and sexual abuse, the unwanted sexual contact perpetrated on a victim, may be easier to detect but they are oh so difficult to prevent. And of course there is also neglect, the failure to provide for the basic needs of a dependent victim, whether those needs be food, shelter, love or care.

But those are just definitions and are far-removed from reality.

I love you mommy. Please don’t hit me mommy. I will do anything you want me to do, mommy, but please don’t call me a little bitch again. Please, mommy, hold me like you once did. Stroke my hair and tell me I’m beautiful. Please, mommy, I love you and I’ll be a good little girl.

Humanity One World
Humanity One World | Source

DOES

The victims, at times, will blame themselves for the abuse, convincing themselves that they somehow deserve the beatings, the character assassinations and the stripping of rights. If only they had done something different he wouldn’t be like this. If only they can be perfect and do everything right then there won’t be any trouble. If only, if only, but if only never comes because the abuser feeds off of the fear, and feeds off of the power and feeds off of the anguish and cries for help. You see, it’s all about power and control and maybe, just maybe, it is about quieting the demons inside their own heads. Someone must be punished for the pain, and love means punishment, and by God what are you crying for?

She slips under her covers and waits for the sound she dreads. His footsteps, so quiet and yet resounding in her skull as he comes down the hallway and opens her door. “Hello, sweetheart, daddy loves you. Do you love daddy? Show me how much.”

DADDY

They come in all sizes and shapes, all races and denominations. There are no boundaries where abuse is concerned, no delineation that separates the ungodly from the righteous. Abuse wears different masks but the face beneath the mask is always the same. He is the forty-eight year old Baptist father and she is the twenty-three year old housewife. He drives truck in Macon, Georgia and she bags groceries in Duluth, Minnesota. He is your grocery clerk in New York and she is your hairstylist in San Diego.

“Get your ass down here, woman, and fix me dinner before I teach you who is boss. What the hell have I told you, bitch? Either learn to cook food the way I like it or pay the consequences. Jesus, I work hard all day long and this is the thanks I get, a dirty house and you looking like road kill.”

HURT

Oftentimes the abuse is camouflaged under the name of love, and that is the cruelest illusion of them all. Then other times it is simply a matter of the strong preying on the weak, for there will always be predators who need a fresh kill to satisfy a hunger within them that can never be sated.

“Take your clothes off woman and service me. Don’t look at me like that or I’ll slap that look off of your face. Just be damned happy that someone is willing to have sex with a fat cow like you. Now get your ass over there and be a good wife.”

Who will help those who cannot help themselves?

Who will help the children?

ME?

And so it goes, a legacy that is handed down from one abuse to another, generations affected with no end in sight.

There is, of course, help for both the abuser and the abused, but all too often help is never asked for because of fear or feelings of helplessness. Abuse is a social cancer that has been with us seemingly forever and shows no signs of going away soon.

Those with a social conscience of course help when they can, but many times the words “don’t get involved” stop assistance before it even begins. The courts are too lenient, the police too few and the numbers keep climbing as the sick devour those who cannot or will not fight back.

I write this feeling inadequate. The problem is just too large and public response is too small. Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of H.O.W. to always be there and for that, I am responsible. I believe that preamble of Humanity One World, but I am also a realist. As a teacher I saw cases of abuse and was hand-tied to do anything about it. You write a report, turn it into the proper authorities, discussions are held and the case falls between the cracks of a system incapable of being effective.

So we are left with the question how? How do we stop it? How do we police three-hundred million people? How do we establish a system that recognizes abuse and takes the necessary steps to stomp it out?

I do not have an answer.

In the meantime the screams will not be heard. The tears will fall unabated and those who are suffering will do anything required to make the pain end.

2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      This is a case of "how" more than H.O.W. God, there has to be a way to stop this insanity. It is inconceivable to me how one human being can intentionally hurt another but then I've never been faced with their past or demons so maybe I'm naïve in believing we need to love and care for each other without hurting. Any way we can help, financially, socially, or just petitioning a politician for more legislation and more manpower...we can't let this insanity continue until we read about the death in the paper!

      I was once asked for donations for a woman who had taken her children and run away from an abusive husband with just the shirts on their back. I provided all the necessities I could but then I added four wine glasses. Believe it or not she was touched by the wine glasses...something she thought she would never have again, a simple pleasure, something pretty.

      God help them and us. Please God let it stop!

      Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Excellent hub. A must read for everyone. Like you stated, it's all about power and control. I also agree with this statement. "Oftentimes the abuse is camouflaged under the name of love." I notice this with parents when it comes to disciplining or belittling their children as well as women in controlling or abusive relationships. Thank you for raising awareness on such an important matter. I think everyone should be informed because it can happen to anyone.

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      "I do not have an answer".

      It is an oxymoron that those that "love" are those that "hurt". In Matthew 24: 12 we read: "Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold."

      We do what we must do and what we know how to do. Write, point, stand up, strike, move...and pray.

      Good article as always, just hopping that a change may be felt and seen.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I love the story of the wine glasses. I know women and children who have been abused. The damage is unbelievable and lasts a lifetime. We must do everything in our power to make this end. We never will reach that goal, but we can help as many as possible.

      Thank you for caring so much!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Doc, this is not an isolated incidence in this country. It is an epidemic, and I believe that as the economy worsens these cases will increase. I hope I am wrong.

      Thank you my friend, for your compassion of love of others.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Maria, you are right of course. We do what we must do...what we can do....and we make sure others know of this problem. Thank you!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Scary the statistics and just upsetting that this does occur. Although I don't live in denial and know it does, but no one ever really wants to think that. I really do hope for things to somehow get better on this front, but again know better. So, I will say thanks for the education on this and will do my part and share all over, as well as vote, too!

    • Sheri Faye profile image

      Sheri Dusseault 4 years ago from Chemainus. BC, Canada

      This is good information to spread. The more aware people are the better. Thanks

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Bill, hopefully this hub will reach far and wide. Unfortunately, abuse is an every day occurrence. I pray those who are in abusive relationships find the strength and support to get out before it's too late.

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      Hi Bill, great hub with an important message. I can't imagine how people survive abuse year after year. I have missed HubPages, but I'm not back really yet. I just felt that I had to read this hub, and I'm glad I did. Sharing and voting up!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, I understand your comment. I don't want to think about this horror happening at this very moment across the country but it does, in fact, happen. Thank you for sharing. I just want to raise awareness and hopefully that will make a difference.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sheri, thank you! It is not a happy subject but it is a subject that needs to be discussed.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, that is my hope for sure. Too many are dying out there my friend.

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made my friend, I appreciate you taking the time from your busy day to read this. Vacation in what, three months for you? That will be wonderful I'm sure. Thank you for this visit. You are missed!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Good morning Bill

      It breaks my heart. There were cases that I witnessed as I taught that just killed my soul. The child was clinging to the one who was beating them or abusing them verbally.

      Of course, I had to report what I knew which always made me nervous because where I worked during one part of my career there was NO protection really against being sought ought and having my family or myself abused or worse. I cannot go into more detail than that but it was what it was. However, no case that I witnessed went unreported. Of course it was anonymous but they knew of course from whence the report came.

      There have been too many cases, one is too many, where children slipped through the cracks and died as a result. How can that be?? Another article for another day.

      thank you for bringing attention to this horrid plague.

      Sending Angels to each of those caught in the snare and to you my Friend. :) ps

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I cannot exactly explain it. I pray for the bodies and minds of those hurt. But I must equally pray for the souls of those who would do violence. What horrible darkness they must live in.

      I find it disconcerting that our appraisal of everyday people does not reveal this attribute in others. Are we that blind? I am not talking a profile here, I am speaking of an overwhelming evil that exists that we do not see.

      Thanks for a great hub.

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 4 years ago

      Hi Bill.

      Sadly a theme that just won't go away, a disease that won't heal. It needs people like we hubbers to bring it to the notice of the general public. I published a hub in January last year, to which I must edited it three times with the title today being "Child Abuse: part of our modern world." Sadly the moderators deem my hub to direct on the matter of child abuse. They deactivated my adds so on this hub (which by the way is the best view hub by far) I don't have any earnings. Sad, but that's the way HQ sees my hub.

      You have written an awesome hub Bill. I hope the world reads it, and realises what is going on around them. Also that they should open their eyes and take a look if it is happening next door.

      May be it will save a child from abuse for a short while.

      Ghaelach

    • Radcliff profile image

      Liz Davis 4 years ago from Hudson, FL

      Every so often, I would tell a trusted person that if they ever saw my name in the newspaper that my (now ex) husband did it. I could picture the article describing the sketchy situation that he would squirrel his way out of until someone came forward.

      Many people think that victims young and old have many opportunities to get out of dangerous situations, but that's because they don't understand the fear or the circumstances. It's something you can't comprehend unless you've experienced it--even then, it's hard to understand why you didn't try harder to get help.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I think abuse has been around for a long time as we know but not in the staggering numbers..People are struggling today and frustrated with life so who better than kids to let the steam off. Sometimes in the past we called it being a strict parent...and there are all levels of abuse from mild to horrendous ..but a sensitive person will remember even mild mental and physical abuse. Thanks for bringing this out for all of us to be aware on a daily basis.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eric, I have no answers. All I know is I have to do my part to bring awareness and hope that others speak through their actions and their hearts. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ghaelach, I have had four hubs disabled for advertising, and all four had to do with child abuse. HP evidently does not want to admit that this problem occurs in the world. I find that unbelievable, but it does not stop me from writing about it. HP can keep their dollar a day; I am going to keep raising awareness about this subject.

      Thank you for a wonderful comment.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Liz, thank you for that brutally honest comment. No, unless one has experienced it, they cannot understand the fear and helplessness. Your comment explains it as well as any. Thank you for your honesty my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, you bring up valid points. This has been around forever, or so it seems, and the only way we can combat it is to offer help and raise awareness. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, I know you understand. What teacher would not? I knew almost immediately when one of my students was living with abuse. it was as though they had a sign around their necks announcing the pain they were living with. Talk about a feeling of helplessness. I knew that my best efforts were practically worthless and yet what do we do? We have to do something!

      Thank you for those angels....they are needed today more than ever.

      blessings and a hug,

      bill

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Dearest Bill,

      It breaks my heart to no end to see anyone being abused, but especially children. The verbal abuse hits close to my heart as I love someone near and dear who has gone through this very abuse. And, yes, it is all about power and not love. They will say those words of, "Oh, I am so sorry, please don't leave me, you know I love you," and then pound them down again over and over, a terrible cycle. The abuser and one being abused both need help. A lot goes unreported far too many times until it is too late, which is the saddest part in my mind. It is well hidden in most cases. My loved one has left her abuser and is free from such verbal abuse, praise God!!! Someone has to reveal to them that that is NOT love, no matter what they are being told!!! My goodness, it is sheer madness. There is a great organization in Georgia called "Out of Darkness," but I believe they are attempting to help stop human trafficking.

      God bless you for writing this important write here.

      Voted up and sharing ++++ (well, my share buttons are not showing up now, will return!)

      Hugs and love, Faith Reaper

    • Kasman profile image

      Kas 4 years ago from Bartlett, Tennessee

      Man bill, your hubs tend to go deep to the heart. You've especially done that well with this one. My wife and I have had to minister to teens who have come out of broken homes......I once brought a drug addict/dealer to Christ and helped him get his life restarted out of drugs, breaks the heart to see how they don't even recognize love at first when you show it. The reason for his drug issues: he came from a fatherless home And an alcoholic abusive mother. Thanks for writing this, it needs to be spoken more often by the good people who won't stand by. Voting up.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Powerfully written Bill, this is a huge problem in this country and the world and like others have said, I don't have the answers. We all can talk about it, spread the word, and hopefully spread love.

      Mark

    • tammybarnette profile image

      Tammy Barnette 4 years ago

      Bill, Great hub as always. I had to take breaks while reading beause I couldn't see through the tears. My father beat my mother when I was a child. He is a born again Christian now and we have a great relationship, but my childhood was very scary and shaped the person I am today. I wish I knew answers, but awareness is key. Thank you for such an important hub.

    • Bake Like a Pro profile image

      Bake Like a Pro 4 years ago

      Great article Bill. The damage from an abusive relationship lasts a lifetime. I have seen it firsthand and it’s very sad that some people just take it and don’t get out of the relationship.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kas, God bless you for reaching out to those who need help desperately. Yes, it breaks our hearts, and we need to be willing to be that safe harbor when someone needs us. Again, thank you my friend. You walk the talk and have my admiration.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Mark! You are a compassionate human being and I know this is unsettling for you as it is for me.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy, thank you and I'm sorry about the tears, although I believe them to be important. Yes my friend...awareness...I know of no other solution.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Bake, it is sad and I don't understand it, but psychiatrists say it is a normal coping behavior and quite common. Thank God I have never had to experience this.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, this is tragic and the numbers are growing. It would be easy to feel helpless and not even attempt to help, but each one of us has to be willing to do anything that we can to help the abused. Many times they simply cannot help themselves.

      Thank you for your compassion and love of mankind.

    • livingsta profile image

      livingsta 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      So true, so true. These words

      "You write a report, turn it into the proper authorities, discussions are held and the case falls between the cracks of a system incapable of being effective."

      This is what's happening. I have come across cases being dealt this way. So sad!

      Thank you for this hub. Voting up and sharing!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      livingsta, it happens more and more when institutions are trying to fix the problems. Abuse needs to be faced on an individual basis, one family at a time....one neighborhood at a time...one community at a time.

      Thank you for your visit.

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      There was a time when a parent sacrificed to afford the tuition for parochial school, because the parents believed the teachings of the Catholic church. Woe be the child who said anything negative about a priest or a nun. I remember breaking out in a cold sweat entering the confessional once a week to recite 'made up' sins to satisfy a hypocritical doctrine, stated to a drunk priest, who I was told, I needed as a mediator to talk with God.

      As the world now knows, many children were abused at the hands of the 'holier than thou'. And, I can't remember one of these men with a conscience coming forth on his own to admit his sins against innocent children. In fact, their abhorrent behavior was protected by one of the richest organizations in the world. There is never an excuse to abuse another human being, but with the revelations of the abuse that happened at the hands of those trusted to protect the little children, it remains an abomination that defies obliteration.

      The human mind has an enormous capacity for survival. Individuals subjected to long-term abuse experience altered stress hormone levels that effect their lives in physical, biological and behavioral ways for decades. Abuse should not happen to any living person or animal, but the reality is that it does. Thank you, Bill, for a heartfelt, powerful piece on the prevalence and atrocities of abuse.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Amy my dear, I was born and raised in the Catholic Church. I actually attended the seminary at one time to become a priest. Do you know what stopped me besides the celibacy thing? Back then it was believed and preached that unless a child was baptized as a Catholic they were damned for eternity. I thought about all those kids in Africa who would never have a chance to be baptized, and I thought what kind of random bullshit is that, that kids are damned simply because of their zip code?

      Since then, of course, my view of the Church has only gotten worse.

      Thank you my dear. I respect you greatly and always enjoy your visiting.

      love from Oly

      bill

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I could never come to terms or accept the concept of an innocent baby, never having made a conscious decision, being relegated to limbo. Now, as an adult, I wonder how adult men, who have made vows to God to live in poverty, chastity and obedience, can live with themselves after sexually abusing children or condoing it through omission of the truth. As far as obedience, well they don't even abide by the laws of humanity. As far as poverty, if I heard it said once, I heard it at least twenty times on the news, that the abdicating Pope had to leave his precious red Prada shoes behind. How about the real reason for his abdication? The truth, like all church secrets, will remain in the walls of the Vatican. I guess I missed the Catechism class regarding the reasoning behind their absolution from the laws of humanity. Love your honesty, Bill. You restore my faith in humanity. Love from St. Lou

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      Bill, I had vacation last week from work, but I had much studies to do instead. My next vacation will be in three months and no more studies after that... Just a house to finish. Right now I like being busy, but I miss writing hubs and all the wonderful people here. One of them are you, Bill. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Amy, thank you and that means a great deal to me coming from you. I save my respect for quality people who have earned it and you, my friend, have earned it.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, you are sweet and I thank you. I'm glad you had a week off of work. Those next three months will be gone before you know it, and then you can enjoy summer weather and no studies. :)

    • Linda Compton profile image

      Linda Compton 4 years ago from The Land of Enchantment

      Sir William, Another tremendously thoughtful hub, with important information and perspective. I am working on a book about life after the murder of my niece...by her estranged boyfriend, father of her only child. His stalking was "textbook." The only problem was, at the time, I hadn't read the book; didn't know how to read the signs. Thanks for educating us. So much more needs to be done...Blessings, L.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Linda, my sympathies for the loss of your niece. I'm willing to bet most of us have a similar story somewhere in our extended families, and that says a great deal about the extent of this problem. Thank you for sharing your story with us my friend, and I hope you are well.

    • bdegiulio profile image

      Bill De Giulio 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi Bill. This is just really, really sad. I just can't wrap my mind around how someone can do this to another human being. And I have no idea how to prevent or stop this. Other than trying to raise awareness and helping someone when you suspect they are being abused? Will certainly share this to help reach as many people as possible.

    • LKMore01 profile image

      LKMore01 4 years ago

      Billy, once again you have written a powerful and thought provoking article. Thank you. When survivors allow themselves to open up and tell their stories, the healing process begins. Many believe more severe punishment is needed for perpetrators of these crimes and I agree. Unfortunately, most abusers were abused themselves and the cycle continues. Education, awareness and compassion doesn't seem to be enough but we must do everything in our power to assist survivors.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Bill! That is all any of us can do my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LK, unfortunately we face a situation where most of what we do is assist survivors. We have yet to figure out how to stop this epidemic before it happens.

      Thank you for a very good comment.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 4 years ago

      Hi Bill, it seems that with the stats you quote we can only rage quietly and collectively shake our heads. When did it start, and why is it continuing to get worse? Horrifying stuff, especially as so much of it seems to be secret, and unpunished.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      This is a powerful hub and the statistics are heartbreaking. I know women get trapped and sometimes have no skill to support their children. They do have to sometimes leave with only the clothes on their back, and child abuse is so terrible that I will not watch a movies on TV or go to a movie that exhibits any type of abuse.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Oh Bill, what a sad place life is for those that suffer abuse day in and day out. I see it everywhere and like you, I don't have an answer. It is the one area where most of us are helpless since intervention requires that we step across the boundaries of someone else's property or space. I think the best we can do is to be kind to the victims and try to set an example that they will want to follow and when they have had enough, be there offering our hearts and our hands. But that is the answer if and only if that choice doesn't come too late. You see, as painful as it is to watch, even being a victim is a choice. We can't forget that. Sending love and support for your heroic efforts to save the world.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vicki, I think abuse has been going on for centuries in this country. I'm sure it was when you and I were kids.

      We will just keep raising awareness and do some good when we can my friend.

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela, it really is heartbreaking. More than any other crime, I think abuse leaves us all feeling totally powerless to do anything about it.

      Thank you for caring.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kindred, I'm not sure I'm doing any good at all, but thank you! I can clearly remember five kids that I taught who I know were abused, and I was totally powerless to do anything about it. Provide comfort when possible, but by the age of thirteen the damage has been done and a life ruined.

      Thanks my dear friend.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      So many deaths result from abuse. It can go from verbal to physical in very little time. They have been known to hunt down the victim, and when they find him/her, the person can and oftentimes is killed. It's a power trip all right.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Bill,

      The system allows the abuse to continue. Why? No one is held responsible for their actions. Everyone has their rights? Not enough resources? What about the rights of the victim?

      Abuse is all about control and power. Well, I say take the control and power away from the abuser. They need to be held accountable.

      Voted up and sharing.

      Have a good evening my friend.

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

      Well said, bill.

      Man has strange ways to show love and affection that later on could suffocate another person. We gotta be aware of our actions and learn to limit our actions accordingly.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Putting others down as inferior because of one's own insecurity and large ego is the worst form of abuse, and unfortunately, the most common. It is also the least acknowledged and others must be made aware of this. A good share.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This was heart wrenching to read, so much abuse in the world. I wish i knew how to stop this insanity. It is a well known fact that the abused grow up to be abusers. That's why i have always believed that not all people should have children. Thank's for sharing Bill....

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      Jim Higgins 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      This is such an important subject and you have covered it so well. Solutions seem elusive but shining lights like this into the dark corners, rousing public opinion and stirring the hearts of people who know and tolerate abusers.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It is indeed, Deb, and it is a wave of pain that is growing in this country. I wish I knew what to do about it.

      Thank you my friend.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sue, I agree with you 100%. The system is broken with no relief in sight, and abuse will flourish until something is done to fix the social system that we live in.

      Thank you my friend, and have a wonderful week.

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      Marlene Bertrand 4 years ago from Northern California, USA

      It's so difficult for me to comprehend the massive amount of abuse that happens on this earth. The abuse that gets to me the most is the abuse that comes from people who say they love someone and then they hurt that person. It's extra difficult to think of little helpless children who are abused. Thank you, again Bill for keeping the awareness alive. We should all be involved in doing at least one thing to act on behalf of the harmed.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ah, Ruchira, if only we knew how to do that as a society. That would be a wonderful lesson learned.

      Thank you kind lady.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michelle, I agree completely. This is an epidemic in this country and I see no end in sight. Thank you!

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, I am of the same belief. Unfortunately, this problem may never go away, and a whole lot more pain will be seen during our lifetimes. Thank you my caring friend.

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      Tirralan Watkins 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      billybuc, those statistics you mentioned at the beginning are heart wrenching. I especially am saddened when I hear about child abuse. That is something that I've always been passionate about helping with. Your article is just a reminder that I need to find some place to actually get involved and do my part to help.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jim, I hope you are right because I am out of alternative solutions. :) I hope you have enjoyed the sunshine we have had the past couple of days...hopefully you had it as well. Thank you!

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Career, thank you for the visit even though the subject matter is not a pleasant one. I feel compelled to write about the wrongs in society. I'm not sure what good it does but I am driven to speak out about it.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Marlene, it sickens me. The harm done to little kids, defenseless and unloved, is beyond alarming. I don't know how to stop it but I do know I can't stay silent about it.

      Thank you for caring my friend.

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      Lisa 4 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      I see many of us start abusing in front of kids and that is really bad for our new generation. Actually we teach them how to act in angry so they follow us when they growth up, that's how abusing trend is increasing day by day..

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      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for this. I left'home' when I was 16 (from my mother's ex husband) and 17 (from my mother). Did I have a normal childhood?

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      Girish puri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      Thank you, Bill for raising awareness on such an important issue of society. I agree, with your statement, abuse is all about control and power and abusers must be held accountable, Great hub, voted up and sharing+++

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      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      it's happening around the world...and it's really sickening.

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      DemiT 4 years ago from Greece

      Hi Bill, I am reading this wonderful hub early in the morning and I am in tears...not because I have never heard of abuse before but because I know what abuse means. I am now a mother and I am even more aware of the abuse in our society. I hope that people will know that pain leads to more pain and love brings more love. Thanks for sharing such an important issue!

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      Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Thank you Bill for writing and sharing this very important issue. I got chills reading parts of it, especially the dialogue. And that's not fiction, it really happens all over the world. Here in SA, finally people are waking up and realising that we have a major rape crises on our hands. A campaign was just launched and information on rape safety is now going to be taught in schools in life orientation classes, which is just what this country - and the rest of the world - needs. I'm sharing this post on Viral Voices Unite as well. Great job my friend.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lisa, I agree with you completely. Now to find a way to teach others how to stop this trend.

      Thank you for the visit.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Martin, what is normal? I have yet to find a rational definition of normal as it applies to today's society.

      Thank you Sir!

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      girishpuri, thank you Sir! I always enjoy having you stop by and leave a meaningful comment.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Myz, it is and it is. Now, how to stop it? Thank you my young friend. I have missed you and your provocative poetry.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DemiT, it is people like you that give me hope in this ugly world. Love does bring more love. Thank you for that. I am sorry for your pain, but in your actions today you are changing a dark legacy. That is wonderful.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mel, I am encouraged by the actions of your government. I hope it does some good. Any awareness is good, and thank you for sharing this piece on Viral Voices Unite. I appreciate it my friend.

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      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Abuse in any form is the worst form of treatment that can be meted out to a fellow human. The stats are staggering and the unreported ones could also be so.

      Thanks for bringing this disgraceful facet of humanity to the fore yet again to make us all realize that something has to be done by each one of us to help stamp this out of our society. The least we can do is to keep our eyes and ears open since it happens all around us.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, that may be the least and the most we can do. This is a sneaky crime in all of its forms and very hard to prosecute. Thank you for your compassion my friend.

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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      My cousin Katie was murdered by an abusive husband. He was drunk one evening and shot and killed her in a heated argument. She had called the police during the fight and they were on the phone when it happened. He then killed himself, and left their two small children orphans. The children were in the house at the time. I will never forget the phone call, nor the devastation the family felt.

      What do we do? There are so many calls of abuse that are not truly abuse that the real ones sometimes are lost in the mix. And there are so many that go unreported to someone who could help.

      Where I work, we are constantly on the lookout for something that might give us a hint as to what occurs behind closed doors. It might be obvious, a bruise or broken bone; or it might be subtle, like a child's behavior changing, becoming quiet or depressed. It might be fact, reported straight from the child; or it might be fiction, a report from a concerned citizen who makes us aware of something that is not occurring. But their perception became reality to them and we must seek the truth.

      It takes time to weed through it all, and there are times the abuse continues while we are searching. It is heartbreaking. We can try to educate, but those who are the perpetrators do not want to be educated. We sing to the choir, and the congregation we seek to bring into the light are asleep in the pews, or are hiding out back.

      Great article, and one that bears repeating time and again. God Bless, Bill.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mike, your last paragraph says it all, and points to the feeling of helplessness we all feel about these crimes. The ones who need to read this message could care less about seeking help, so what do we do? I still don't have an answer my friend.

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      [ Danson Wachira ] 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Hi Bill,

      I don't know how you do it but this is a mirror/mirror image of what is happening in our society. We never learn to be thankful and at some point we become self-proclaimed kings and queens. Humility deficiency is one of the society problems and until we get our acts together, things can more from worse to very nasty. Voted up, useful and more.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      dwachira, I wish I had answers. In the case of abuse, I have none. I have many questions but I am sadly short on solutions.

      Thank you my friend and have a wonderful rest of the week in Kenya!

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      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      While I am fortunate that I have never experienced abuse personally, this article was very difficult for me to read because I have seen abuse and know that it is out there. I hope that it opens peoples eyes to this issue, but I am sad that it needs to be written about.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer, it was not a pleasant experience writing it, but I felt it was necessary. I don't know what can be done, but I know that silence is not the answer. :)

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      alisharenee 4 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

      What an amazing and informative article. I work in the child welfare field and encounter neglect and abuse on a daily basis. Living in a rural area I never thought that abuse and neglect were issues in our communities...at least you never really heard about them in the local media. When I became a caseworker it was like stepping into a whole new (horrific) world. To work in this field you have to be prepared for serious mental and emotional challenges...but I will admit without hesitation that I have broken down in tears and frustration on my drive home numerous times after working a full day in the child welfare field. Then I wake up the next day and do it all over again...because I know that in a small way I am making a difference. However, you are right when you say that so many abuse cases slip through the cracks...I’ve witnessed it first-hand.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      alisharenee, hello and welcome to my site. A friend steered me to your hub about the old farm you grew up on and I loved it. It is nice to meet you. Thank you for your kind words about this hub. This is a subject that is so important, but because it is "ugly" it is hard to write about and hard to read about. Bravo to you for working in the child welfare field. Tough work but oh so important.

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      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Five children dying daily from abuse is way too high a statistic. Abuse comes in man forms and from many sources, some we hate to admit. Thank you for bringing this subject to our attention. It is a form of violence we should all work to eliminate in our world. Blessings.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I don't have it in me to do too many of these hubs. They are draining emotionally. Thank you and of course I agree with you.

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      Lurana Brown 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      I could hardly read this because it hit too close to home. Thank you for writing it. My parents were both teachers (retired now) and my father was also a guidance counselor. Teachers do see it all---and as helpless as they must feel sometimes, they are also often the healthiest adult in a child's life with tremendous potential for positive influence. I also have known first-hand the poison of abuse (from a horrible marriage). It changes you. But even though it took years for me to leave, the voices that encouraged my self-worth kept echoing in my mind. Every positive affirmation, even from childhood, would respond silently in my mind to counter the negative oppression I was experiencing---"I don't deserve this. Someone else thought I was lovable." I say this to remind others that their efforts towards the abused are never wasted. Kindness and encouragement are so very powerful.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MrsBrownsParlour, what a valuable and powerful comment. Thank you for sharing a part of your experience. Your words are so important for those out there who are still suffering. It is so important that people like you step forward and share your experience, strength and hope.

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