I Question My Self Worth

"Damn!," I thought to myself as the end of my heel broke off on the hard pavement. I shouldn't have been running on with my high heels on but I just wanted to get away. Away from him. The love of my life. My dress already stained from the salt and muck smeared on me from the side of that car I piled into as I bolted out of the apartment into the street. I don't even know where I'm going. He confuses me so. He picks on everything about me. If I dress right, if I look right, if I get somewhere on time... I know I'm lucky to have him but I'm just so... so... I don't know what I am. A fuck up. Can't keep a job at a lousy local tavern. Even though it was full of jerks who pawed at me and still left lousy tips. The same jerks my boyfriend is jealous of. Who would be "in the mood" after a night at that bar?

There's Mike sitting by the window of Starbucks. By himself again. What the hell. I need a place to think anyway. He's always glad to see me, the poor guy. He's not ugly but definitely not my type. He's so sweet though. Maybe he can cool me off before I go back to the apartment? I wish I had my own place more and more these days. I'm not even sure how I ended up living with Tom. It seemed so wonderful once. Mike always says what a nice smile I have. He laughs at my silly thoughts. He really listens. if I could just stick him inside of Tom!

Tom thinks my jokes are stupid. That I'm stupid. And I am. I barely got out of high school which is why I'm working at that lousy bar. Or was. I'm suppose to come home from a job like that with a smile on? Ready to jump in the sack once he's finished his video game? That's a good ten minutes for him I'm sure and then he's off hacking at demons again. Maybe HE should get a job? He's actually told me I'm worthless. And I pay the rent.

Look at Mike though, sitting alone happily. He's always so happy to see me. I've known him since like 5th grade. He has a crush on me, I'm sure. Even though, I basically ignored him in high school, he's still the same to me. He thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks I'm funny. He thinks I'm sweet. He likes everything about me, unlike Tom.

But if I go in, we'll get talking and laughing like we always do. I'll lose track of time and by the time I want to go home there will be hell to pay with Tom. Where you been!?!? I should just turn around and go home. Mike actually looks pretty cute sitting there too. It's so easy with him. He doesn't want anything from me. He just likes my company. I'm not sure why. I hadn't really noticed, but he IS kind of attractive, actually. He's one of those guys who doesn't look so great at first but grows on you. But I can't. I have to go home. I'm just gonna head home.

For more on the artist who inspired this short story see:  http://www.orianthi.com

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"Hey Mike, can I sit down?"

"Of course! What's up? You look a mess. Is your shoe broke? Come on and have a cup of coffee with me. I could use some company. I was just thinking about you, actually, and again."

"Thanks. I'd love a coffee with you. I'd like to talk to you about a few things... things that are just now crossing my mind. Plus, I need to call a few girlfriends. I'm going to need a new place to stay. Tom and I are over."

"Sure, sure... that's no problem. I hope everything is ok. Not sorry to hear that. I hope you mean it. I've never said it before but you are way to good for him. Seriously. Let's go get you a coffee. Everything will be fine..."