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I Want My Ex Back

Updated on January 4, 2012

Getting Back With Your Ex

Breaking up with your partner feels like a death in the family, you mourn your loss, you miss them, you miss the little things you shared together, you remember the good times and forget the bad times you had, and you miss the closeness you shared with your partner. It becomes a little more difficult to handle than a death sometimes because you still see your ex everyday, you still bump into them in the street in little awkward moments when you don't know whether to stop and chat or walk on by without acknowledging that you have seen them.

How can I get my ex back?

I am often asked this question by men, women, teenage boys and girls who have recently broken up with their partners, and the first thing that I reply to them is "Why do you want them back?"

That may seem like a cold response to a desperate plea for help, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty, there was a problem in the relationship that got so bad that it eventually led to you both going your separate ways.

There are many reasons why relationships end, people fall out of love, violence, alcohol, drugs, bad habits, an affair. I could fill this page with reasons for breaking up.

Why Do You Want Your Ex Back?

Your relationship must have been in trouble or you wouldn't be sitting there all alone wondering where it all went wrong, wondering what could have been, wondering why you didn't stick it out and see if the problem would have gone away.

Your relationship didn't work the first time, what makes you think it would work out the second time around?

Of course preventing the break up in the first place by communicating with your partner makes your relationship stronger.

Ok so we have established that you want your ex back but before we go down that road we must consider what led to the break up in the first place and work from there.

Top Reasons for a Break Up

Lack of commitment

Showing an unwillingness to commit to a relationship does not mean that to keep the relationship strong, that you have to propose marriage, move in with your partner, or go the whole hog and walk down the aisle with them.

Talking about the future with your partner, planning future events together, telling each other about your hopes and dreams, are also ways to show your partner your commitment to your relationship with them.

A Cheating Partner

Just because you or your partner cheated with another, does not have to mean the end of your relationship, but it will take a while before your relationship gets back on track, the trust that you had in your partner or vice versa has been shattered.

It is a long road back to regaining the trust that you once had before the cheating occurred and the little doubts will always be there in the back of your mind, recommitting to your partner, rebuilding trust and staying faithful to your partner are the most important factors to get your relationship back on the rails.

NOTE: if you were the innocent party you must try to forgive, if you want your relationship to continue, try not to bring the cheating incident up every time that you and your partner argue.

A Violent Partner

Violence in any relationship is wrong, why would anyone want to get back with someone who beats them, if you are in a violent relationship get out now all of the promises to change are false, do not believe an ex partner who was violent towards you and say that they have changed to get you back.

My close friend was killed 3 years ago, when her husband beat the life out of her with his bare hands.

If you are in a violent relationship I urge you to get out now.

Alcohol or Drugs

Alcohol and drugs cause many problems in relationships, with them come violence, theft, property damage and mental anguish, if you want to get back with a partner who has an addiction problem, it is a long and winding road, your partner has to realise they have a problem and deal with it either through rehabilitation or through a support group, they must come of the drugs or alcohol and be off it for some time before you should even consider taking them back.

If you are the addict then you need to take the appropriate actions to get you straight again before you consider getting back with your partner, how can you look after your partner if you cant look after yourself?

Falling out of Love

If your ex has fallen out of love with you, then there is no point whatsoever in trying to get back with them, you cannot force someone to love you, the relationship is over, it is time to move on there is someone else out there for you it's just a matter of finding that person.


In all relationships communication is a key element, without talking to your partner about problems you have with each other then nothing will get done and the problem will continue, until either one of you have had enough and the relationship breaks down.

To get back with your ex you first have to confront the problems you had in your original relationship, you must be willing and able to give a little and change some of the things about yourself that became part of the overall problem, patience and an understanding of your partners needs will all help you on the right track, talking to your partner and listening to what they have to say is important, working together in a complete partnership will get your relationship back, if you both want the relationship to work then that is a good start, it will take a lot of hard work but you will find that your relationship will soon be stronger than it ever was before.


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    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Nice tips, but i have a problem. I am in love or lost with two guys. I broke up with my ex about six month ago and now he is back and he wants me back although I never stop loving even though he cheated on many times in our 2 year relationship and 2day I realize I still love him but I am in a relationship with someone else who loves me and I do too but my parent are against me in any relationship becoz am only 15. Please what do I do, am confused?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      i need help i was the one who left our relationship but i realized i made a huge mistake,i still have her engagement ring , i love her , but she is engaged.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      The cold question will help you realize if you really want to go back with your partner... In many cases people just want to go back because of the simple fact that they prefer to be in an awful relationship than being alone.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I just broke up with my girlfriend and I want her back. This is so hard I hate it! I think I will have to wait a couple of months before I talk to her again. Maybe she'll miss me?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      )This is part of my first comment) the reason why my boyfriend said that one day we would get back together is if he gets his old feelings back for me. He and I planned to live together after graduation and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We are still friends and he still makes time to text me everyday and he answers right away when I text him and I can still see he loves me. So is there any hope for one day getting back together?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Ok, so my boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and 9 or 10 months and were deep in love. Last week on April 22nd we decided to break up. I cried for days and acouple times asked why he broke up with me. I still cry about it because I still love him and he knows I do. He told me that he still wants me in his life and to be friends and one day we may be together again. The other day I passed him on a bike ride and he said hi and I started crying. He made me stop and held me in his arms and told me I would be ok. I also txt'd him recently and apologized and was really sorry for crying in front of him, telling him I was crying and kind of harrasing him bout our break up. He said he accepted my apology. Would there b any possibiltiy that one day we wld be toghther again? there are moments between us at school wen we come close to hugging or kissing and he always rests his forehead on mine after I say something cute. I can also tell he still loves me and cares about me. Is there any hope for me?

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      my guy usually grows out his hair really long to donate it to cancer funds, but he had to cut it short or else my parents wouldn't let us be together. but a few days ago he threatened me and asked me if i would still love me if he just went completely bald instead and cut it all off. i said id love him anyway, and he just got mad at me for not defending myself. he broke up with me 2 days ago and yesterday he cut his hair real short like an army cut... does this mean he's over me? is this his way of showing he wants to move on?

      he told me he still loved me but there underlying problems. i think he was just tired of me smothering him a little too much lately, and i was wondering if i just stop talking to him and wait for him, will he miss me at all. i asked him if we could ever be together again and he said "its not a forever thing. there will always be another chance. i am just done now... i don't feel right anymore". im wondering what is going on...

      it doesn't help that he is a manic-depressive, bipolar, and a paranoid visual schizophrenic either... i think he might possibly be in a state so low that he just cant handle me but i just don't know

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      some people on here don't know how to speak proper english when they write their comments. Is this an american web site as i am australian and am having trouble trying to understand the american grammer.Please write proper english so australians can understand what the hell you are on about.

    • profile image

      Mary J Johnson 

      8 years ago

      I some times miss my X. But when you know he tried to kill me several times and mentaly abused me . And I wanted to believe his lies and he had 2 other women with kids and sued a company for a whole lot of money and hide it from meand gives me know support. He payed to get his way got out of troblem even hurting me . I am ill and very lonely also MARY JOYCE JOHNSON

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Dear Jimmy, My ex and I broke up basically due to lack of communication, but also because I just got in the wrong mindset and I ended up pushing him away. I still love him so much and I want him back so bad and I have realized my mistakes but I feel like I should give him more time before I reach out to him and tell him about how I've changed and what I learned. Any personal advice?? Thanks.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I had friend that had a girlfriend, they had an on and off relationship. At one point she broke up with him and he went and had a one night stand. He even told her that if they broke up that he wasn't going to wait around for her. Eventually they got back together. She found out. She claimed he cheated on her. He said we weren't together at the time. Things eventually degraded further. She called him a cheater all the time. It was a real fiasco. Crazy relationships!!!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I'm Only 12 but i want my ex-boyfriend back, the thing is he has a new girlfriend. I honestly love him, the thing is i just don't know if to let him go or keep fighting for him. I miss him! And we also are still friends.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      1 second ago

      So i need help i was dating this boy tyler and thought he was the one and my mom hated him so i hide him and then this guy Nash who my mum loved i started dating him to and my mum new well i was hiding the to boys from each other and was really cold with Nash acted like i didn't care witch i thought i didn't then he broke up with me and i made a huge mistake Nash is the one i love and i don't know what to do? i gave him 3 months of space and started talking to him again im going away with him friday to go surfing but were not dating do i ask him back out tell him i want to try this again after the trip he said hes leaving in the summer for work about 3hrs away but im not sure if that's the truth. What do i need to do to get my Nash back please help!!

    • ktps profile image


      9 years ago

      i totally agree with everything you said. there obviously a problem with the relationship if it was ended. give it time if its ment to be you'll get back together

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      sounds like she likes your attention and when you're not giving it to her she will do whatever to get it again. all the while telling you she doesn't want to spend her life with you. find someone who does want to be with you. Unless she is so immature that she still has a lot of growing up to do. good luck with that

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Guys ! ! Im going crazy! !

      My GF and I have been dating for almost 3 years, about a year ago she told me I wasn't the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with...I beg to get her back, called and called, basically I did the things I wasn't supposed...well I stop calling her and she called to ask me to go to luch and we got back together....well it happen again last week, what should I do? ? Its really killing me this time.....She told me the same thing again....

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and just refuse's to speak with me, says that i was so good to her in so manways but its the little white lies she can't take anymore...How can i get her to at least speak with me

    • ljrc1961 profile image

      Laura Cole 

      9 years ago from Michigan

      I think you have covered a lot of good areas in which people need to look at before thinking that going back to the ex is a good idea. We often, out of loneliness, create a fantasy about the person we are no longer with.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      If I did harass (chew out) him, but only a day or two after the breakup, would that ruin my chances?

    • Aya_Hajime profile image


      9 years ago

      I always try to stay friends with my exes. I am good friends with them during the relationship, so I think it would be a crying shame to lose a good friend just because the relationship part didn't work out.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      i just broke up with my gf almost 3 weeks ago.. We've been together for about 3 rears and guess what.. she broke-up with me on our 3rd year anniversary.. all those times she was silent that she want to be free. i feel that thing coming.. she said that she need time and space and to think about it.. i beg, i bombard her with sms msgs and even called and called her.. but nothin worked, i just pushed her away.. but after 2days.. i've made up my mind.. i called her and told her that i'll let her go and set her free.. she cried and accepted it.. she told me that after 4 weeks if she came to realyze that she still love me she will come back.. i've never called and sent her msg since that day.. the lesson i've learned is the only way to have her back is to let her go..

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      yea i feel the same way i guest with me an my ex we live togeather but i miss her so much that its hearting me.i would do watever it takes to make are love good again.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Wicked Input Jimmy! I really appreciate your understanding bro!

      At the end of the day, we do have the ability to learn, and change Huh!

    • profile image

      Karl Christopher 

      10 years ago

      Great hub Jimmy. Wanting to get back together with your ex and not knowing what to do is really tough.

    • Sharon3rd profile image


      10 years ago from Talladega, AL

      Sometimes the best part of a relationship is letting go of it...

    • Sharon3rd profile image


      10 years ago from Talladega, AL

      So, I will edit, and save the best for last....

    • Sharon3rd profile image


      10 years ago from Talladega, AL

      Sometimes the best part of a relationship is letting go of

    • Sharon3rd profile image


      10 years ago from Talladega, AL

      Okay... this thing acted as if I wrote three times..

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Sezan I feel you man I just recently broke up with my ex man and it has been about a month n a half I have to tell you I was crushed its hurts to this day. We were only together for 3 n a half months but I knew her for a month before I actually started dating hell she was still wearing the ring when I met her she was engaged to get married to this man WOW RIGHT!That's what I said. Now when I met her I met her through a buddy of mine that I ride motorcycle's with which happened to be her cusin now this women is 4 years older than me and was messing with a married man when I met her they have known each other for at least 2 years and were getting ready to get married and move in together how sick is that to call an affair love no trust I mean how can you trust a man who cheats and lies to his wife women confuse me sometimes and I mean no harm because men are just as responsible for something like that. But I run from women that are married 1 because I told myself that I would never do anything like that I just have morals and standards that a lot of women out here claim to have. Now its not all just some and you know who you are. But anyway I made my mistakes and I pretty much know what I did but told her I was more than willing to change the dum things that I did because I Love her and I love to this day I lied about dum shit knowing that she already had trust issues with her past BF's. Nd when I say dum shit I mean it I lied about the dumist stuff like my pay and working at a temp job but I didn't lie all the times there is no reason and was no reason for me to lie about anything I didn't like lieing but I wasn't happy with a lot of the truthful answers that the lies were told for in other words I wasn't proud of myself for things such as my job and pay I knew or I thought that it would make me look worthless in her eyes but that didn't matter she deserved the truth the lies just weren't worth losing her but I don't think that was the only reason I think about everyday and I will until we area eitehr back together or I get through this break up. I love so much and I really just want her to be happy I felt as though its was a bad time for us to be what we were to each other because of her given situation which made things hard as it was I made mistakes but that wasn't the best time to be making any mistakes I should have been a better man to her and she deserves every bit of a real man and I am trying so hard to just let her be and get my self in order so I can be that man for her and myself if and when we do meet again. belive me its hard I cryed for 3 weeks when we broke up I begged I pleaded I texted and than I just left her alone because I know that's what she needs right now its always hard to accept when somebody you really love and care about tells you that they don't want to be with you but its now time to focus and learn and grow after these things happen don't sit back and wait live your life and live it better knowledge is the key because the more you know the better you will be and not just about one thing in general but just go out and seek what you need which is truth and understanding get to know yourslef in these times love yourself respect yourself I have not spoke to her or contacted her in over a month and I went from being crushed to feeling a lot better so trust everybody it gets better but you have to go the right way from here try not to change for the worse but for the better and I know that is eaiser said than done but you must try I am trying to better myself right now because of what happened an so I take as blessing even though it hurts a lot but I would have honestly rather this happened not the way it did but I think and I look at where I was headed and I am glad because of the outcome I am not sitting back being sad anynmore I mean I was down in the dirt when this happened I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep my head was a mess and now about a month later I feel as though I am on a better course in my life I took a lot of focus off of myself for this girl and even through my dum lies she couldn't see that I did so much for her and was there for her even through my bullshit an d belive me you I put up with a lot of her shit that I don't usally put up with in a women but I knew her pain and what she was going through and I really wasn't trying to cause her anymore besides I knew that this was a process and it would take time but I was willing to put it in and I don't think she was I mean for example she gets a call at 2:30 in the am and I don't question her at all and that was one of many things that happened. But to those who read this and are going through it if this happens to you focus on yourself at this time try hard get youself to a better state of being just learn from your mistakes and try not to make the same ones. Just some insight on this relationship what hurt me so much is that we made a lot of promises together we even went ring shopping the one thing that really bugs me out is that she told me that she was ready to spend the rest of her life with me and promised to be there through my BS also but she broke it and that is fine with me now because like i said this was not at all the right way to go if I really loved her cared for her and really wanted to be with her like I said I wasn't doing what a real man would have done and I see that now. I made a bad situation worse and its just that simple. I know she loved me and that love for me will never go away and I love her with every bit of love that I have to give but once you figure out that you also need this time to better find yourself that's when you will start the process of being able to be in a relationship with whom ever ex or not but always always no matter what take care of yourself first always because if you don't than nobody else will and if its truly love that brought you 2 together than she will find her way back to you no matter what that type of love is a love that keeps 2 people connected for ever

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      My boyfriend, ex, that is is an only child and very close to his mother. We went together for 6 years and never introduced me to his parents. His mother calls him everyday,and she takes him shopping and buys him things. I always had this feeling that she wanted him for herself and encouraged him to break up with me. He finally did stating that he never got toseem a lot. the reason for that was that I worked all day and he only wanted to see me if I would come over after work to his place. Then, he would call me to see if I got home, he says for safwety reasons, and if I stopped over my sister's place for a short time he would get mad.

    • profile image

      ex boyfriend back 

      10 years ago

      Was searching for "how to get your ex boyfriend back", saw your hub on relationships. Great info... practical, down to earth advice!

    • sunshinesplendid profile image


      10 years ago

      I am really amazed with your posts. Somehow, I remember what my ex did to me. How he fooled me, and how painful it is to be desperate to think that he'll come back and love me again.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I am in a relationship with a man who is 22 and I am 27. I really think he want to go back to his ex girlfirned and his two kids. I also think he is just trying to hold on to me but is still inlove with his ex girlfriend. She calls him (so he says) and tells him how much the kids miss him, and how they call his name in the middle of the night. I really do not believe this, because me and this man have been together for 8 months and none of this happened before. I don't now what to do I am so confused I don't want to be with this man if he want to be with his family. I think they are maybe planning on getting back together....SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME ADVISE

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      i want my ex back, coz i have gone out with some guys after we broke up but it did't just work it seems like his my soul mate

    • Amber Korn profile image

      Amber Korn 

      10 years ago from Los Angeles County

      There is always an adjustment period that is painful and awkward after you separate from your partner. Sometimes psychological dependency to stay in a relationship out weigh the practicality of its end. Before you torture yourself with the notion of reconciliation. You first should identify the strains within the relationship that caused the seperation. It is easy to forget those breaking points when the yearning for the familiarity of your companion is the focal point of your attention. If you want to try opening the lines of communication to figure out why and where the problems started in the relationship, Do it by letter,...... write what you are feeling and ask if they could help pin point the problems that plagued the relationship so, it won't happen in future relationships. By doing this, you eleviate blame and open the line for discussion. Work from there. I hope this helps.

    • JustTyler profile image


      10 years ago from New Zealand

      In my experience the best way to get your ex back is to move on with your life and make yourself happy. Get new hobbies, go out with friends, meet new people. And don't ever, EVER call them.

      Ironically, when they realise that your life is so much more fulfilling than theirs they'll come crawling back...

      ...and you'll realise you don't want them anymore. Which of course, is the best revenge!

      As Einstein said "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It's time to do something different with your life.

      Good luck everyone!

    • privateye2500 profile image


      10 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      Dear Zsuzsy - you said: Most of the times getting back together with an X is done because the 'habit of life' is missing.

      I went WOW - no bigger relationship truth to be told! THAT is it in a nutshell SO totally - I'm swining by to join your fanclub - you must have many words of wisdom!

      Melanie - KUDOS!!

    • privateye2500 profile image


      10 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      Jimmy - you say: they must come of the drugs or alcohol and be off it for some time before you should even consider taking them back.

      But you don't say in your opinion how long is *some time*. Care to elaborate on that? I have my own theory of course but I'd like to hear yours.

    • anime_nanet profile image


      10 years ago from Portugal

      You said it all in the last paragraph. I think the main reason for a couple to break up is for lack of communication. Or sometimes the innability to express to others how we really feel.

      Personally what I hate the most in a break up is not understanding what happened! When I do know it it's easier for me to let it go, or fight to get things back. When I don't have a clue I tend to be depressed.

    • candicane profile image


      10 years ago

      I have stood by and witness a women that has made a complete ass out of herself, trying to do anything that she can to get her ex back. A day late and a dollar short tht she realized a good thing gone. He did it all for her but she took advantaged and belittled him every chance she got. And when she took it to the extreme he never returned and moved on with his life. She found out months later that he has a new love. She came unglued knowing that he was not coming back!

      She has continued to tournment him by text messages and drunken voicemails constantly. Call crying to just talk or when she is lonely and tells him how much she misses him and would like to work it out. They have children together and he seems to put up with this behavior so he can see his kids. His significant other is feed up with the calls an text's all hours of the night. His new girl has spoke to him asking if he can speak to his ex about the calls, But he fails to acknowleged the issue saying it does not bother him and it will exculate the issue if he tells her to knock it off. She spoke to me about this pattern, and asked if I was in this situation what would I do?

      My perception of it all is, He seems to have feelings for his ex regardless to have to put up with this. The court can grant you visitation you should not have to sit and listen to your ex talk negative about your new love just to see your kids! The calls and texting are disrespectful. if the child is not in his care and its not an emergency I don't see the need of lines of communication all hours of the night.

      He needs to speak to his ex about the trouble its is causing in his new relationship. And if she does not respect that, change your cell number and call restricted when you need to speak to her or the children. Give her your house number but stimulate a time frame of calls children related not because i want you back and i need sex, and i need to see you to talk does not fit in that criteria.

      If you don't see no closer to the problem, then you must figure out is this something worth fighting for? Or choose which path you would like to take to move forward with your life with or without him.

    • KateWest profile image


      10 years ago from Los Angeles, CA


    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I was with my ex for a little over a year. We would always break up and get back together. Then after we finally broke up for good, he moved to another city, I was completely devastated to the point were I didn't even want to get out of bed and go to work! yeah, it was that bad. anyway...I ran into him not too long ago here where I live. He was the one that came up to me and said hi. so I was polite and said hi too. The funny thing is that he was sweating me and telling me how good I looked the whole time! He, on the other hand, looked a hot mess! He looked like he had gained a few pounds and he looked scruffy...not good at all! so, in a way I'm so glad I ran into him cuz now I want him even less than I did before. I realized I can do soooooo much better. He treated me like crap and didn't respect me at all...even though I'm single now I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to find the "right one" for me. I know it sounds easier said than done (trust me, somes days I feel like I don't have any hope), but someday when you least expect it he'll find you and make sure you don't lower your standards for any guy either. No guy wants an easy girl that they can mold to their advantage. Stay strong!!!!:-)

    • profile image


      10 years ago


    • profile image

      smart pants 

      10 years ago

      ask me something and i will look it up for you i study eygpt,animals,aliens,elvis presley,and much more!

    • candigirltnt profile image


      10 years ago from Trinidad and Tobago

      hey this is good.I like your writing was a good read

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      great work! though, a lot of stuff here is easier said than done!

    • CynthiaP profile image

      Cynthia Papin 

      10 years ago from Denver, CO

      Great hub!

    • jasperquilaton profile image


      10 years ago

      you only need is to be patient in any person and respect them.,.,.,.,.,

    • privateye2500 profile image


      10 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      "Your relationship didn't work the first time, what makes you think it would work out the second time around?"

      Because people DO change AND because time tends to make us forget just how BAD it really was.  It's true - sad but true.

      PS/ did you break up with the wife in the picture?

    • profile image

      mikayla laird 

      10 years ago

      i love it!

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      want my ex back with me and marry him please help me

    • R. Martin Basso profile image

      Reid Martin Basso 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Perfect as usual Jimmy.

    • seekingtobenormal profile image


      10 years ago from Kentucky

      Great hub.

    • profile image

      Sasi Jorge 

      10 years ago

      Hi Ho Hai Realy gr8 Hub, enjoyed your hub, i really pray to god for all lovers and family, for their ralation never fail because of small reasons, everyone should have lots of patiants to create good and beautiful life

      Best wishes all

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 

      10 years ago from South Africa

      Hi jimmy

      This is a great hub and touched a chord for me. See my hub "how I lost 34 years..."

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      this is an excellent hub the only thing that was truly missing was the fact you have to invasive the trust in a relationship because is now being notes from a lot of relationship is that lover's trust there friends more  than there hearts which is were they make a mistake in that relationship

    • bella21 profile image


      10 years ago

      Ever watch a movie that you loved, and really touched you, until the end? Not how you wanted it to turn out, but you still love the movie! You watch it over and over again, hoping for a better ending, yet you know it won't change??? That must be what people think when they want their ex back. They can change the ending into a more enjoyable one...

    • jreuter profile image

      Jason Reuter 

      10 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Solid advice jimmy. Sadly, 9 times out of 10 that someone wants their ex back, it has little to do with love. Often it is due to a desire to stop the negative feelings that accompany a break-up, such as abandonment, betrayal, and simply not being used to the feeling of being alone. Relationships can quickly get familiar and comfortable, when that security blanket is swept away, what is a person left with?

    • profile image

      Marissa M 

      10 years ago from HESPERIA


    • profile image

      2ND HAND ROSE 

      10 years ago

      I'm sorry; I could have put that another way; the best thing to do with an ex is create distance...lots of distance, and do no look back.

    • profile image

      2ND HAND ROSE 

      10 years ago


    • profile image

      2ND HAND ROSE 

      10 years ago

      I just came across this site; got to reading these comments, and could not resist putting my 2 cents in...I got married right out of high school (dated him for three years), to a guy six years older than me....I'll call him "A. Hole"...I should have dumped that *@@!&?!, instead of marrying him.

      Anyway, A. Hole was absolutely gorgeous, and he knew it. He constantly cheated, and constantly begged for me to come back...back and forth...back and forth. I am pretty sure that he started cheating after only two weeks of marriage...again, begged me to come back. This went on until I filed for divorce after three years (and one child).

      He has since been married four or five times, and each time he has cheated. He has about twelve kids (did not marry all kid's moms). His last son is a couple of years younger than our grandson, and his last daughter is just a couple of years older than our grand-daughte (he's no longer in that relationship, either)...and THEN he got a vasectomy!

      Moral? Beware of cheaters, because they don't change. They don't change for anyone or anything. Thinking you can change a cheater is only going to cause you heartache. I think a cheater means it (at the moment) when they say they're sorry, and that they will never cheat again...until the next time.

    • topstuff profile image


      10 years ago

      The reasons are solid bu in the whole story i could not find the way to get the ex back.

    • profile image

      thats what im talkin 

      10 years ago

      relationships is all about that see ive been with my amn since i was 13yrs old and he was 19yrs old we have that bond he even waited until i was ready for sex. all end all we have a 3 year old daughter together and im 23yrs old planning come first sorry for all that u guys went through but im trying to keep this working cause he think im a cheater and im not that's personthat would do that i love him my life is all about him he s everything i ever wanted in a man .love is love and lets let it be love.

    • solarshingles profile image


      10 years ago from london

      Don't repeat the same mistake! ('Food is the best when fresh.')

      Find a new person and try not to repeat the same mistake.

    • Sandilyn profile image


      10 years ago from Port Orange, FL

      I enjoyed your hub. You covered all of the main reasons for a break up in a relationship, including the one with my ex. I think that our society is a throw away one. We throw away everything. If it doesn't work we get a new one. We used to fix things and make them work. If we want to make our love lives work then we need to work on them, just as you stated. There are many reasons and we need to confront them. My ex and I went through a very rough break up but after a number of years, we are working on getting back together. If you love someone, you try to fix it. Let us all stop throwing it all away!

    • lea_go! profile image


      10 years ago from Liaoning, China

      Cool hub! It's very interesting. =)

    • Kay Kerns profile image

      Kay Kerns 

      10 years ago

      Very good hub. I really liked the information. Fortunately, I do not want to get back with any of my exes.. haha.. but my best friend does, Ive forwarded her your information.

      Thanks for the good read!

    • sandalss profile image


      10 years ago from can i live at your house?

      you sadden don't speak of love. you speak of mind.

    • profile image

      10 years ago

      I was with my girlfriend for 4 years and she left me because she said she had to "grow up and move on" most of our relationship has been long distance but I was moving in with her sometime next month. I was suppose to go see her for my spring break but she broke up with me two weeks before earlier this month. I think I went about this all wrong. I've called her and texted and messaged because I really miss her and I love her so much. She's my best friend as well so it makes it more difficult. She met this girl at work that she's been hanging out with a lot lately (we're gay) and I can't help to think that's shes moved on so quick after all the things we've been through. I promised her I would never leave her and that I will always keep her in my heart. I keep promises even if they hurt. She didn't keep hers obviously, she left me. I feel so depressed and I can't even sleep at night. I miss her so much, I think I'm going to focus on trying not to call her or text her or anything for that matter. I need to escape her, I wish I could get back with her but if for some reason I didn't make her happy, then how can I make her happy a second time?

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      In response to Sezan and Me Me, im facing the same problem now. I left home and stay with my parents after an argument. It has been more than 2 weeks that we have bee out of contact. Im devasted and depressed, i can't think straight. I keep thinking abt my hubby but it seems that he is stronger in dealing with this separation. I did sent few sms to him, expecting him to response but he just ignored me. I helpless now and still hoping to get back into his life even though i know that he may not change as i quoted someone phrase 'a leopard will not lose his spot'.

      If I come back home and reconcile, things may be the same again. Need advise, help me....

    • hassam profile image


      10 years ago from Pakistan

      Great hub jimmy........I am the guy who never found a relationship after my first broke up. But I think I am better off without her in my life. May be I could find some one much better than her.

    • Venusflytrap profile image


      10 years ago from Borring ass Boca Raton, FL

      All my ex's can pound sand...I don't recommend getting back with an ex EVER! Been there done that...Something went wrong from the start, nothing is going to change the circumstances.

    • profile image

      Lee cutie 14 

      10 years ago


    • Panic 39 profile image

      Panic 39 

      10 years ago

      Great Hub I think I needed this. Thanks Jimmy

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      in response to sezan. I experience something very simmilar. I am giving her all the space she wants and I think I want that space too for the moment. I love her more than anything and what makes it harder is that we've been dance partners for 3 years. So now I find my self alone in a extremly noticeble transformation and change and I hate myself for making this change for me now and not before. I think we first have to take care of ourselves to prove to our love ones that we can take care of them. A very close friend of mine said to me that if something is really yours it will come back to you. You just have to wait (like me) become stronger and in a very subtle way..fight for the one you love. I hope this helps (myself included). Cheers

    • thegrams911 profile image


      11 years ago from PA

      Great Hub Jimmy. I've been married 25 yrs, & been told he needs time for "him". Now it's time to work on me!

    • bag-girl profile image


      11 years ago from USA

      Once an ex always an Ex - that's what I say.

      Great hub though :)

    • yojpotter profile image


      11 years ago from Iloilo City

      Excellent hub Jimmy..^^ hope you'll post more of these..^^..

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      I broke up with my ex-bf because I could not trust him. There were many obstacles btw us; long-distance love, our dreams , cheating etc... Since we were separated we have kept contacting with each other, but it was a few times a year. I tried to gorget him and find another, but I was always missing great time with him. I strongly feel I want my ex back after two years and half. I learned from the past. Now my love is real and so is my commitment. I have not told him about this as I am afraid of telling this and of things going worst.

    • Rudra profile image


      11 years ago

      Nice one. Don't forget there are plenty of fish in the sea.

    • mallu profile image


      11 years ago

      cool hub...

    • XxXKYLAXxX profile image


      11 years ago

      heyy i want my ex bk 2 i luv my ex

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      When someone says that they need a break - its over - its usually for a good reason. Don't fight it.

    • editor on board profile image

      editor on board 

      11 years ago from manila

      cool hub...

      hmmm??? what can i say? it just touch me and i realize something... heheheh

      specially the "out of love part" heheheh


    • helenathegreat profile image


      11 years ago from Manhattan

      Love the hub, Jimmy. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend; I have lost a family member to domestic violence. No excuse for violence in a relationship. Great advice, as always!

    • rb101182 profile image


      11 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Great Hub, I agree completely!

    • profile image

      kibonde renny 

      11 years ago

      Hi you all overthere.My girl broke with me recently with no reason,and she wants me back but not soon.I find it folly though I love her.I realy miss the good moments but I don't think I will enjoy the same way i did before.

      We learn to love but we should learn to give up and let go situation.

    • profile image

      corey london 

      11 years ago

      do I ????????????????????????????????????????????

    • profile image

      Nasty G 

      11 years ago

      i am sorry i have to tell u dis.

      i broke up wit ma boyfriend for no good reason,anytime i am with him,i feel irritated, when people ask me of my boyfriend,i deny that i have a boyfriend,bt anytime we break up i start fallin in luv with him and i go and apologise.Presently we are no more bt i now want him morre than before and he has made it clear to me that he does not want to haveanytin to do wit me.wat shuld i do pls.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      ok,my girlfriend wanted to have a break form me she just needed time to her self and needed space,it was hard for me to accept it and when i did and when we did take the break,during it,she felt that she didn't wanna do this anymore and the break never helped her,and she didn't feel the same and didn't wanna be in a relationship and was getting sick of it,and during this time i was feeling pretty good that we'll be happy again,she only really had 2 days where there wasn't any contact and weve had a tough time for about 3 weeks now,i know what the reason for it and i know what ive done wrong trying to get her back,with help from a fairly few sites,so now it has been 3 days without any contact from her and i wont contact her for a while or wait unitl she does and probably wait unitl its my birthday which is in 3 weeks..i hope i win her back,i love her to death and i odnt wanna lose someone so important to me,but i still think breaking up will make our relationship stronger and me to change and be more powerful and i was being weak and moody and upset a lot of times and she wants me to be a man,ill give her time and time will tell how it unfolds..has anyone expierenced this before?

      add me id like to meet people who have had this expeierence and give me advice and help,and also what your thoughts of it'll be highly appreciated for any help and advice,and to help me win her back,which is my plan to do so,but ill be helpful for anyone else with simular problems or anything and we can work together..thanks

    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 

      11 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      Jimmy! Great HUB!

      Most of the times getting back together with an X is done because the 'habit of life' is missing. Do you know what I mean? One actually misses the life more then the actual X. Does that make sense? (my own experience) Also one should remember this cliché for its true especially if violence and abuse is involved "A leopard can't change it's spots" One person can change for a short time but eventually the old ways creep back.

      very important information for everyone GREAT HUB

      regards Zsuzsy

    • jimmythejock profile imageAUTHOR

      James Paterson 

      11 years ago from Scotland

      aglocoincome i ask you not to post in my comment boxes i do not write hubs for you to promote your work and i do not post my links on your work, i have said in the past that i believe that agloco is a massive scam and that i want no part of it.....jimmy

      p.s you comment has been deleted

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 

      11 years ago

      GREAT Hib Jimmy!! Your Hub Titles are really good at catching interest!!

      And I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend a few years back . . . So many of us know friends who stayed too long in a violent situation . . .

      A long time ago I made a promise to myself that there were certain deal-breakers that were not negotiable!! You listed many above!!

      To me, Love is more of a "process" and less of a "feeling!!" It consists of the many little choices we make each and every day!! How we treat others!! How we treat ourselves!! When someone starts making choices that are detrimental, it is over!!

      Great Hub Jimmy!! Blessings to the both of you!! Earth Angel!!

    • MrMarmalade profile image


      11 years ago from Sydney

      I have won 50 years, setting out for the nect 20.

      Wish us your good cheer


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