I confess; dating online

I wondered on which request I was going to answer . "How to find true love on the internet" or "Confessions: dating online".

I think my story is a little of both.

Ok I confess I was one of them. Yeah was. It all started 7 years ago, after my divorce. I was home alone, and the only company I had was my computer. So I sat down and started to surf the internet. The first site I came across was a site for divorced parents. First it was fun. You start to talk with people who live in the same conditions as you do and you think you have a lot in common. You do at first. But after one holiday together with another family( dad and one kid) and meeting more people, I started to notice I wasn't one of those depressed parents, who couldn't coop with their Ex and had troubles all the time. I confess.. I hated that already after six months.

So a year later I surfed some more. I came across several dating sites and yes I joined 3 of them. Two of them were simple. You put down a picture of yourself, look at pictures of others, read their profile and if you liked someone you started writing an email. I hardly did. Men who wrote me, just wanted to have sex. It's not that I hated sex, but no thank you. Having sex just based on a photograph and a mostly dishonest filled in profile, was not what I was looking for. If I wanted that, I'd better go to a bar and pick someone out of the crowed.

With a nickname which was hardly to pronounce, I landed on a site that wasn't too big and had a forum, so you could interact with others. It was not just simply uploading a nice picture and filling in a profile of myself and just wait. So I started writing in some topics and saw how others reacted. Most of the time, the same people reacted and by their writing, I started to know them bit by bit. Most of the time I added humorous reactions, except for a topic or two. One of them was a kind of erotic story. An interactive one. Someone started and the next one added a piece to the story. Yes I confess I am a little naughty too. So the naughty side of me started writing, started to interact with the other writers, but just one in particularly. I could imagine everything he wrote down, and I could fill in blanks with my story. It became a vivid story and before we knew, we had a fan club of naughty people loving to read a naughty story. But there were only two writers left. Him and me. I loved his writing, also in other topics. It gave me some kind of feeling like we connected. Like if our sentences were meant for each other. And I confess I started to love every word and write like every word I wrote was for him.

But there was one problem. He had no picture of himself on his profile. He could be the ugliest guy I'd ever met and there was this line; "Status: Married" But anyway. After almost a year, we wanted to meet. And I confess. I was nervous like hell. I wanted to go to Amsterdam and that would be the place we'd meet. On MSN he showed me his picture and that picture was defiantly not a picture of an ugly guy. And I waited in Amsterdam, on the stairs at The Dam with the picture of his face in my mind. And there he was.

We had a great afternoon. We walked, we talked and sometimes we just said nothing and just looked at each other. And even then, when we were not talking, just looking, we'd understand each other. This day ended with a nice warm kiss and a bouncing heart when I left for home. I liked him even more than before, but that one line spooked my mind; "status...." It ended right there, at least for that moment.

At some point, we both started to meet the same friends. In groups. Going out together, seeing each other. The feeling for him didn't stay the same and became more than I wished for. I have to confess... now I know I was in love with him all the time. But he was married and I started dating again  and he became involved in a relationship with someone else.. He and I were just going to be friends. Good friends.

A few years later he got his divorce, but he was in a relationship with a mutual friend also. And every time we saw one another, I'd put my feelings for him in the freezer and just had fun with everyone. Denying what I felt for him, it wasn't meant to be for us. But damn, it was hard, because there was this connection.

Then came the time we were not seeing anyone anymore. I was recovering from being sick, a good mutual friend (she knew how I felt about him) was sick, and caring as he is, he decided that we'd better sit with each other. Just friends talking, drinking, helping each other. They came over at my place, and they stayed the night. Normally it wasn't a problem when we shared the same bed. We were good friends, and we shared. We shared our feelings, our homes, and our beds. But this night was different. My heart bounced like an idiot and I felt his heart bouncing like an idiot. And all we did and all we said; we crawled up to each other gave a warm kiss and said we were afraid of what was going to happen and what we were feeling. And I confess I was damn scared of losing him as a good friend.

After that night everything changed. We wrote each other about our feelings the past few years, about what happened, about what we were afraid of and what we should do.

Now, since that night, almost nine months past. We still share the bed, we share our hugs and kisses, we share our feelings, we share our homes, our lives, talk with our children. My two boys and his girl. We think about the future. I confess... I love him more each day; this man I dated 5 years ago.