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I won't pretend to understand

Updated on February 11, 2013
true friends!
true friends! | Source

I wrote this hub a while ago and I have updated it now and then. While I have been fortunate enough to meet some very wonderful people in my life, I have also met some people who weren't quite as wonderful. There were the ones who never left the starting gate or the ones who just didn't make it the full course. Some of the partings have had no reflection on the relationship and some have been because of it. Some have been a relief and some have left an empty space where their presence is still felt and often revisited. This collection is for them.

Good bye

I won't pretend to understand why some people walk away

leave without even saying good bye.....

I read. Therefore, I understand that people leave because they have to

I use quotes in my oh so wise posts, "let them go, they were never yours to begin with, their part in your story is over"

I know they have their own agenda but still I wonder...

what I said, what I did... to scare them away...

to make them leave without a word....my shame apparent in my pleas...

sometimes silent...often not...too many times I tried to joke my way back...

into their good graces. Pretending it doesn't matter whether they go or stay

So proud of my ability to hide my vulnerability. For what? For why? My friends tell me

they just weren't meant to be. And in my heart I know they are right. But....

without words of explanation...

not even a good-bye, a good riddance, a have a nice life! I will always wonder.....

what I said, what I did....and why....

What I wish I said....

"If you're stupid enough to walk away - then I'm smart enough to let you go"~unknown

"I don't want to mess this thing up. I don't want to push too far"

On letting go...

“When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.”~Tony McCollum

You've got to know when to fold

In the past year, I have spent a good amount of time either forging new friendships or reinforcing the ones I already have. I decided to leave the "dating" scene aside for awhile. That's not to say that I wasn't still interested in dating but that I wasn't going to actively pursue it. (IE: online dating) I have made some nice friends. And some annoying ones! I have found that real life mimics manufactured/virtual ones. I know, right?! All this time I thought it was the other way around but our computers and TVs have taken over! But back to my real story. I have learned that: I still make bad choices. I am still a pushover. I still don't know how to "play the game" or "ask the question" or whatever it is I am supposed to do to maintain a relationship or move it on to the next level. I have also learned: Sometimes, I don't care. I am for the most part, content and happy with myself. I can,usually, pick myself up, brush myself off and move on. I have also learned: Sometimes, I don't want to. Sometimes, I feel that "do or die" need to "ruin it or not" by saying something that may send someone running. And I seem to do this so well! As Kenny Roger's so aptly put it,
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and when to run" Well, Kenny, I'm not there yet. And I'm thinking, at this stage in my life, I probably never will be!

Why ruin a good thing?

You disappeared

You let me go

you dropped the ball

what hurts me though

is that we were friends

we knew what to say

we each "got it" in our own way

so

my mistake, yes, it was my bad

for thinking you and I could be more

when we were already a

5 point sure!

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"~Helen Keller


I leave you with this thought....

"I believe that every thing happens for a reason.

People change so that you can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right,

you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself.

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

~Marilyn Monroe


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    • btrbell profile imageAUTHOR

      Randi Benlulu 

      5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you, Caroline! I like that idea about seeing some of those people again. Your comment brings to mind the quote: "A reason, a season or a lifetime." But all of them definitely bring something to the mix!

      Thank you so much for stopping by and your words of wisdom!

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 

      5 years ago

      Hi Randi,

      I love this hub. I used to also grieve when people left me. I didn't understand because some people I loved and I wanted them in my life forever. Then I realized some people are just meant to be there for a certain amount of time to bring you lessons and to teach you about life. I think those people we think we lose we see again sometime in some way. :)

    • btrbell profile imageAUTHOR

      Randi Benlulu 

      5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Ah, Faith, you are so very, very kind. And, look at you, taking time to comment while you're taking care of your mother. How very generous and kind you are in your compliments. I thank you and feel honored and humbled to hear such words from someone that I hold in such esteem. Again, thanl you, thank you, thank you! You have made my evening. No...you have made my week! i do hope your mother heals quickly. She and you are in my prayers! Randi

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      5 years ago from southern USA

      Wow Randi,

      This is one really profound hub here dear one. I am so sorry I have missed commenting lately. My sweet mother is very sick, but God is healing her day by day.

      It is a very tough thing to do to let go of friends. Thank you for writing this refreshingly honest write here. It is so painful when they do not even tell you what's up, at least out of respect is all. But you are so right here and very wise.

      You are such a beautiful person inside and out, and I know God has the "one" who will love you the way you really should be loved and respected. You deserve only the best in this life.

      Voted way up

      You are so brave and you inspire me so much.

      God bless. In His Love, Faith reaper

    • btrbell profile imageAUTHOR

      Randi Benlulu 

      6 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Thank you for your always uplifting comments! I enjoy finding the quotes!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image

      Patty Kenyon 

      6 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      Interesting Hub!! I dislike goodbyes (spoken or not) however, it is better to let go than live in a misery that was not meant to be. Awesome Job and I love the quotes you used!!!

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