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The Drawbacks of Interracial Relationships According to the Internet

Updated on December 16, 2012
The author and his wife, Amy in 2001--the first time in United States publishing history that a white man and a black woman appeared on a book cover.
The author and his wife, Amy in 2001--the first time in United States publishing history that a white man and a black woman appeared on a book cover.

I am concerned when people on the Internet describe the so-called drawbacks of interracial relationships:

  • “Your family and friends will reject you.”
  • “You will get dirty looks from strangers.”
  • “People will want to fight you.”
  • “Dating outside your race is not worth the hassle.”
  • “Interracial relationships will only end in heartbreak.”

All of that may be true in some cases, but the posters of these statements want the world to believe these statements are true in every case. Perhaps these people are basing their certainty on one failed interracial relationship, I don’t know, but statements like these are often based on generalizations—not the truth.

I have also seen people post some of the most stereotypical and clichéd statements:

  • “You know what they say—once you’ve had black, you’ll never go back.”
  • “The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.”
  • “Once you’ve had white, you’ll never be right.”

These are ultimately foolish statements because these folks believe physical things are somehow better, wilder, or more exciting because of the “collision” of races. Honestly, it’s no different from any other relationship. Folks are folks are folks.

“Well, I heard that black/Asian/Latina girls do such and such,” they post, “and white/black/Latino guys are only into this and that.” I would love to say to all these small-minded, petty people: “Get over yourselves. Quit believing everything you hear or read on the Internet. Experience other folks’ cultures your own selves. Experience is the best teacher. Find the answer you seek on your own.” But I’d never say that because my mama raised me right.

But not everyone has been raised right. I have had people say directly to me, “Oh, so you’re only into black women.” I tell them, “You’re wrong. I love my wife. She happens to be black. She has the brownest eyes. When she smiles, my heart beats faster. When she winks at me, I hyperventilate. I am only into a black woman, and her name is Amy.”

I also have a problem with anyone who posts:

  • “I only date black women.”
  • “I only date Asians.”
  • “I only date Latinas.”
  • “I only date white men.”

If someone said to you, “I only date rich folks,” you’d call him or her a gold-digger, wouldn’t you? I knew a guy who only dated girls who were petite and had long black hair. I knew a woman who only dated guys who were six feet tall or taller and had green eyes, muscles, and the ability to salsa dance. We all know folks who are overly picky like that. What they seem to be saying is this: “Hi, I’m picky and close-minded, and I believe that love only comes in one flavor, and since you’re not my flavor, I do not want a taste, so don’t talk to me.”

I once had a woman write to me and ask, “If your wife died, would you date another black woman?” Nice woman, huh? I told her, “I would date any woman who has a big heart, an open mind, a sense of humor, a loving spirit, and the ability to make brownies. If she happened to be black, Filipino, Greek, Puerto Rican, and Presbyterian, so be it. I will not restrict myself from the limitless power of love.”

I did some searches on Craig’s List recently—yes, Craig’s List, that bastion of free speech. I plugged in the word “interracial” and searched numerous discussion forums to see what ordinary people were saying about interracial relationships. I learned there is a lot of ignorance out there. According to the posters on Craig’s List:

  • White women want black men because they want a big man who can take care of them.
  • Black men want a white woman because white women are signs that a black man has made it in America.
  • White men want an Asian woman who is docile and smaller than they are.
  • Black women only date white men because they can’t find a good black man, they need a man they can dominate, and they want a man who can provide for them.
  • More white men date Latina women than any other race.
  • Folks only experiment with interracial relationships because they inevitably marry their own kind.
  • German and French women are the most open-minded people on earth when it comes to interracial dating.
  • Mixed babies are the cutest babies.

Well, that last one is true. I am the proud father of two handsome young men.

The author and his sons at Aylen Lake, Ontario, Canada.
The author and his sons at Aylen Lake, Ontario, Canada.
The author's sons after a University of Richmond football game.
The author's sons after a University of Richmond football game.

What about "mixed" kids?

But I get extremely angry when online posts go too far:

  • “I feel so sorry for mixed kids. They’re so lost.”
  • “Biracial kids don’t have a single heritage or culture, and neither culture will fully accept them.”
  • “Mixed children don’t belong anywhere.”
  • “Why would anyone bring children like them into the world?”

My kids aren’t lost. My kids are enriched because they have a worldwide heritage. They are African-American, Cherokee, and Scotch-Irish and have relatives in Africa, Europe, North America, and Australia. My kids have been accepted by all worlds. My kids belong everywhere.

I courted my wife for four years, and we married and started a family. We didn’t worry that they’d grow up lost and unaccepted. We accept them, and they belong to us. We brought them into the world because we have a lot of love to share.

An ordinary interracial family

We think we’re an ordinary family, even in our worst moments. I don’t like it when the boys are sick, injured, or can’t sleep, when my sons bring home evil report cards, when my sons don’t do their chores, and when Verizon laid off my wife after 13 years of exemplary service. I don’t like it when our money barely makes it through the month, when the boys leave two ounces of flat soda in the bottle for me to “enjoy” or they eat the last brownie, or when my sons don’t their laundry for a month. I don’t like it when no one in the house can tell me how something got broken or how the fence has changed colors because the dog got a hold of a can of purple spray paint.

Ordinary. These worst moments could happen to any kind of family.

We’re an ordinary family in our best moments, too. The wedding was cool, mainly because the church furnace died the night before the ceremony. It was a joy to hold two healthy lizards, I mean, baby boys for the first time. I will never forget family vacations to Canada, Myrtle Beach, grandma and grandpa’s house, and amusement parks. I love watching my sons play sports. I love keeping house—and playing house—with Amy. I am proud that my two boys are turning into men.

Ordinary. That’s how we like it. Our interracial family just … is … because … folks are folks are folks. After 23 years together, I have yet to see a single drawback in reality.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe everything I read on the Internet.

Comments

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    • profile image

      Cliff Nwokeji 

      4 years ago

      Beautiful thoughts, great post. Thank you for sharing!

    • profile image

      Jack4192 

      4 years ago

      Dating interracially is always a cultural preference and it should be supported. www.interracialmatch.mobi provides an excellent platform to be connected with the like-minded. Status like money and caste cannot determine a strong and healthy relationship. Therefore, interracial dating and black white dating are not to be considered as sin. Please try to understand this and do not be offended.

    • Ericajean profile image

      Ericajean 

      5 years ago

      Love, love, love this article! I am reading one of your books now and I must say that even though I don't believe everything online, I believe what you have wrote here. Simply beautiful- your whole family is blessed!

    • multiculturalsoul profile imageAUTHOR

      JJ Murray 

      6 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      Thank you for your beautiful thoughts!

    • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

      PurvisBobbi44 

      6 years ago from Florida

      Hi,

      Love is not a color---it is not black, white, red or yellow. Love is such a rare gift so when you find it---cherish it. One of my friends married out of her race---and their children are so beautiful. And they are so happy together.

      I know how I feel in my heart---that life is too short to worry about other people's opinions about one's life.

      Love is the answer.

      Thanks for writing this hub---I will tell my friend about it.

      Bobbi Purvis

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