If I Get a Name Change, Would Any of These Names Work?
" . . .with a name like Mickey Spillane, how could I ever go wrong?" --Kenneth
Hello, wonderment, mental torment, confusion, and blurred self-image
Since the writing and publishing of "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of Baby Names," hub, "that" same old gnawing, haunting problem has resurfaced in my life once again. Yep. The problem or burning question as to why that my parents did not give me a name with more flair, glamor and easy for one to remember.
I know that in this life on earth I shall never find closure to this question that most of you think it is silly, but put yourself in my clothes for a few months. Suddenly you begin to look at your name and it hits you just how common, average, and nondescript your name really is. It hurts. And hurts deeply, friends.
Now at my advanced (but not that advanced) age, I wonder why I wasn't named "Bill," "Tom," or "Joe?" I mean, "Kenneth?" Seriously? I cannot think of one professional wrestler whose name is Kenneth. Can you?
No use seeking relief
For there isn't any in sight. Oh, I could pretend that I had changed my name, but I would have to face "me" each morning and night, so that idea sucks. Or I could, and I am just "grasping for straws" here, pay a few close friends to call me by the name that I settle on to be "the" name of distinction and respect. But there again, I would know that my friends are only appeasing me for the bucks.
I cannot stand people who sell out for any reason. So here I am again seeking some type or brand of peace with an illusive problem that has haunted me for so many years I am almost to the point of giving up and giving in and yelling to the heavens, "Okay. You win. I like Kenny. Okay?" I said almost.
"Mr. Green Jeans"? I would have been super-happy to be named "Hugh," as in Hefner and Brannam as in Hugh Brannam, aka/ "Mr. Green Jeans."— Ken Avery
There is (a) way
That I could, if I would, get some type of peace for my tormented mind. And it would be legal and not costing much money. I could go before my county Probate Judge and with a few bucks, get my name legally-changed, but, depending on the name I choose, I would spend a lot of time explaining to my friends in Hamilton including my classmates, former co-workers and neighbors why I did such a thing.
Some might freak. Some might not think anything at all. So before I execute that rash movement in my life, I want to share a few of the names that I've always wished that I had been given. And now my headline:
If I Get a Name Change, Would Any of These Names Work?
Note: I said "change my name," not "change my gender." (Kenneth).
Stan Lee at a glance
Stan Lee, born Stanley Martin Lieber, Dec. 28, 1922, is a comic-book writer, editor, publisher, media producer, television host, actor and former president and chairman of Marvel Comics. In collaboration with several artists, including Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko, he created Spider-Man, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Thor, the X-Men, and many other fictional characters, introducing a thoroughly shared universe into superhero comic books.
In addition, he headed the first major successful challenge to the industry's censorship organization, the Comics Code Authority, and forced it to reform its policies. Lee subsequently led the expansion of Marvel Comics from a small division of a publishing house to a large multimedia corporation.
He was inducted into the comic book industry's Will Eisner Award Hall of Fame in 1994 and the Jack Kirby Hall of Fame in 1995. Lee received a National Medal of Arts in 2008.
Jack Lambert, briefly
John Harold "Jack" Lambert (born July 8, 1952) is a former NFL linebacker in American football. Recognized by the Pro Football Hall of Fame as "the premier linebacker of his era," Lambert was the starting middle linebacker for four Super Bowl-winning teams during an 11 year career with the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Lambert played at Kent State and had now-Alabama head coach, Nick Saban as a teammate.
- D.W. Black - - very intimidating and manly.
- "Gambling King" - - I love this one, but I would have to take lessons on how to play Poker and all games of chance.
- "Slick" - - is acceptable to me. One of my dearest friends who is in Heaven right now, Donald Carroll, called everyone "slick." If Carroll like you, this was your moniker. If he didn't, he just continued to walk past you.
- Titus Crown - - sounds like a character that Stan Lee would have fight Spider-Man, but to me it gets attention.
- Raven Sierra - - again with Stan Lee pitting this character against The Fantastic Four. Speaking of that crew, their leader had a cool name: "Reed Richards."
- Albert Poe - - conservative, deep thinking. Maybe conjuring up images of a famous London writer.
- Speed Thunder - - no, I do not want to race in the NASCAR races, but if I did, this is the name I would use.
- Edward St. Eagle - - out of respect for all "true" Americans: our American Indian tribes.
- Thomas Crow - - notice there is no "e" at the end of my new last name? I planned that. You suddenly thought "why" when you read it didn't you?
- D.D. Miracle - - no, I do not want to sell margarine. But doesn't this name just give you chills?
- Daniel Darke - - there is an "e" on the end of this new last name choice. I bet you think I am dwelling on doing evil things to people. No. I do want to publish a best-selling book and share the profits with St. Jude's Children's Hospital, Memphis, Jimmy Hale Mission, Birmingham and my HubPages followers.
- Timber R. Attler - - say this name a few times and it will bite you, errr, I mean hit you.
- Gabe Grizzly - - yes, this name would be "me," if I suddenly sold all of my worldly possessions and became a citizen living off the grid like The Brown Family on Discovery Channel's Alaskan Bush People.
- "Kingfish" - - was my nick-name given me by my co-workers at the now-extict Toll-Gate Garment Co., in Hamilton, Ala., my hometown. I know that this nick-name belonged to Tim Moore, "Kingfish," of the iconic television program, "Amos 'N Andy," but with this name, I could pay homage to this hilarious and ground-breaking program that was responsible for getting African-Americans' "foot in the (stage) door," and helped them to cultivate their talents.
And with all of these tremendous choices, I still have to fall back on:
- J.D. - - it's strong, manly, and stands for "you cannot shove me around."
I'm very tired now.
Good night, San Diego, California.
In honor of "Kingfish" of "Amos" 'N "Andy"
© 2016 Kenneth Avery