- Gender and Relationships
Eight Ways to Fall in Love Again
Real Love is Worth the Effort
1. Make intimate memories in a special place
Once, when I was dating my wife, I took her to a world famous art museum and botanical gardens before the tourists were allowed in. Throughout the grounds were exquisitely beautiful areas with different themes of landscaping and culture with incredible trees and flowers and fountains or sculptures. I took her to each one and instead of taking a picture, I told her different things that I loved about her and in the passion of our romance, we looked around us and then kissed to make a memory album---a kind of magic that would conjure up the feelings we had whenever we revisited the place or saw pictures of the gardens again.
2. Write out romantic notes and leave them in places where they will find them
you may not choose that method, everyone has memories of times
together. One idea is to look for your favorite photos and make some
black and white copies of them. Write a
red ink love note on each one and put them in places where they will be
3. Create something special and find a romantic setting and time to give it to them
Write a poem and read it to them at a special dinner out or when you are in a romantic setting. If you are musical, write a song and sing it to them.
In the hilarious Mike Myers film, So I Married an Axe Murderer,
in order to make up with his girl after a misunderstanding, he arranged
for a jazz accompaniment outside her window to a love song/poem he
composed for her. Needless to say, the boy got the girl.
If you cannot write but you like to cook, fix the special dish that they love and pin a note to it with something like this: "I know this is your favorite and I want you to know that you are mine."
4. Never underestimate the power of a loving touch or hug
When you first met you couldn't keep your hands off of each other, but as time goes by, distance grows and routine often crowds out tenderness and passion.
In Texas, I grew up in a family that was loving and with most Texans, especially the women, there was a lot of kissing, hugging and sweet expressions. As I grew older and moved to California, I noticed people were more formal and less intimate. Luckily for me and my family in the West, I had a good friend named Jim who when he saw you, opened his arms and with a huge Teddy Roosevelt grin and twinkle in his eyes, gave you the biggest, warmest hug you'd ever had. It's easier than you think to extend yourself and the rewards are immediate.
The one you love needs to feel the warmth and tenderness not only in your words, but in the way you caress, the way you hold them close and the way you kiss. If you find yourself hugging and caressing the cat or dog more than your loved one, it's time to change your priorities and your habits.
Try putting on some romantic music and dancing your way
to intimacy. In the kitchen, make up words to go with your
situation...."A pinch of that, a cup of this, and pretty soon, you need
a kiss, help her with stirrin', you'll both be purrin'--you're makin'
cookies" (To the tune of Making Whoopee). Just saying out loud the lyrics of Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love or The Pointer Sisters' Jump for my Love or anything Barry White is a fun way to intimacy.
5. Send your sweetheart a compliment through a friend or colleague
One of the most gratifying of compliments is when a friend relates something nice or loving your love has said about you. A love message dropped in casual conversation has a tremendous impact. The things you do and say every day to build up your loved one, either in person or by word of mouth, creates a wonderful foundation and atmosphere for love.
6. Smile at them
you first fell in love, you couldn't get that silly grin off your face.
Everyone could see just by looking at you that you were in love. Now,
if your love asks if you are not feeling well, it might be you are
letting the stresses of your day show on your face rather than the love
you feel. Try making a scrapbook or drawer of photos or mementos or
cards or notes from them. Jot down incidents when the two of you had a
great laugh together and refer to the box or book regularly to put that
smile back where it belongs.
7. Find ways to know more about them and the things they like
couldn't stop talking and asking all sorts of questions when you first
met, but lately, you stopped asking. I can assure you, it will take a
lifetime to find out everything, so keep asking.
Write out "Getting to know you" questions (which are easily found online) and put them in a bowl on the kitchen table. During a meal take turns drawing one and asking your love the question. Later, write a love note that refers to what you learned and leave it for her the next day.
Another way to grow closer is to have a jar or box for each of you and fill it with requests. His container would have things he would like for her to do for him and hers would be filled with requests she would like for him to fulfill for her. Each of you can choose one from the other's jar whenever it is appropriate. The requests should be reasonable and easily performed. As you perform the task or request, take note that this is a way not only to please the one you love, but to find out more of what they like.
8. Hide small gifts where they can find them during the day
one can resist a gift, especially when it's hidden like a treasure. Use
the request boxes above to find out the things they like and buy gifts
you know will please them and hide them with a string leading to them or
notes with clues directing them to the hiding place.
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~ Leo Buscaglia
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