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I’m Not in Love With You, What Does That Mean

Updated on September 14, 2010

When The Love is Not Mutual

Don't be Crushed By Love
Don't be Crushed By Love

Have you had a friend that you love talking to, getting advice from and sometimes hanging out with? Unfortunately in these types of relationships it can be very touchy. Sometimes one or the other begins to fall for the other. However, it’s not always a mutual feeling. What this means is, your long time friend does not see you the way you see them. Some people really view others the same way as they would a sibling.

It may be that a man only has brothers and respects the thoughts and advice of a certain female or vice versa, it could be a woman that only has sisters and knows she can get the necessary knowledge, experience and guidance from this certain man. Now what the other should do is respect that and keep this very valuable relationship as it was.

Many times these types of relationship can end with one person being hurt. Now the truth of the matter is also you may not be your friend’s type. Don’t get offended because there is someone out there that will be your type. When a person first falls in love with someone, realize it’s mostly an idea of what that perfect person should be. There are certain criteria’s some people have. It’s ok if you don’t fit their criteria. Continue being friends, guess what, there is someone out there whose criteria you do fit. As you are and probably has been this person’s friend and confidant for years, it’s time you move forward and find your true interest. No need to beg or stalk someone that doesn’t see you the same way you see them. If you are that hurt or wounded you must talk to that person and be honest to tell them you may not be able to continue such a close friendship and they should respect that. You don’t necessarily have to end a life long friendship because the other is not in love with you. That will always be a trusted person you can correspond with. However, you may need to distance yourself and stop exclusively hanging or talking with this individual and that’s ok. You need to make a life of your own.

There are situations where maybe this other person is not ready for commitments like you are looking for and that’s ok also. It would be a terrible mistake on your part to push this type of relationship where the other person has told you they are not ready for it. If you are and they’re not you must find someone that meets your needs and is on the same path that you are on. No good relationship can be built on force. If someone says that they are not in love with you, let it be. No need to force something that’s not there. Be fair to yourself and the other person. Don’t put pressure on a person that is not where you are. That usually turns into a disaster.

The most important thing is to love yourself first and if something is forced or pressured in order for things to go your way, that’s not an ingredient to a healthy long lasting relationship. Find the person that matches your needs and wants. Move forward and help the other person only when you are available. Don’t surround your every thought of this person because the feeling is not mutual. Remember to love you first and that way you will find someone that is at the same place you are.


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    • smith_jenine profile image

      smith_jenine 7 years ago

      This is always sad when this happens-- because most people in long-term relationships know that the key to a lasting romantic relationship is to be friends first. If one person starts feeling an attraction, they have to put their feelings out there...because what if this is "the one"? but WOW how much pain accompanies rejection!! But on the other side the friend who is not atrracted SHOULD not continue to lead on the other friend just because it feeds their ego!!! That is a terrible thing to do to someone.