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Important Things You Should Ask On a First Date

Updated on August 28, 2014
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Let's face face it kiddo's. Dating can be a chore! Sometimes it's just down right exhausting. You meet someone, you go out and have a great time. You see them again. Slowly you start to learn things about them that completely make you think differently of them than you did on that first date. It could be anything from what kind of cold cuts do they like on their sandwich (maybe you don't like ham, ok?) to something more serious, like their plans for the future. Questions, when first meeting anyone, cause fear and/or excitement. Don't waste your or their time. Get the important things out in the open from the start. If you have specific standards you like to uphold and refuse to date anyone that doesn't meet them, be sure to air the laundry before investing yourself to the point of no return. Dig deep! Seriously...

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Do You Have a Job or a Legit Form of Income?

They don't have to be Bill Gates making millions. You don't even want to ask how much money they make nor do you want to exploit your financial business on a first date. But we all know how important financial stability is. Don't judge them on how much money they make, but do they make the effort to sustain a job/career with goals in mind. It's different to be dating someone for some time and they lose their job during that period but are back on the job hunt in no time. It's whole other ball game when you go on a first date and find out this person doesn't work. Maybe they have an explanation and legitimate excuse. Or maybe they are just a plain old lazy bum. You never know! But one thing is for certain is making sure (if you plan on establishing a relationship with this person) they have some sort of work ethic, even if they don't have a job at the moment, and can flip at least half of the bill when necessary. Relationships are always a 2-way street. Right on down to financial stability. Seriously...do you really want to date someone you have to pay for all the time when they give no effort in finding a job what-so-ever? I guarantee 98% of you don't. The other 2%...well...that's their prerogative.

Ask What They Are They Looking For

Some of us date to have companionship a couple night a week with no strings attached. Some of us date in hopes of falling in love and finding our soul mates. You need to be up front and out in the open with this conversation from the door, folks. Women generally look for a potential mate. Men, however, are more likely to take a girl out with more than just a few cocktails in mind. If he/she says they are not interested in anything long term or serious, but you are, don't get your panties in an uproar and storm out. Take this night and let it be what it will be! Have some fun for goodness sake! The right person will come along at the right time. On the other hand, if you are the one just looking to having a good time, don't string along the one on the receiving end by singling them sweet love serenades in hopes you'll be able to get into their pants at the end of the night. It's just wrong.

Do They Have Any Goals For the Future? If So, What?

People need goals and goals are met by having determination and working hard to achieve them. The fact that someone at least has goals they'd like to meet shows integrity. You also want to make sure their dreams can somewhat accommodate your own. If you don't share similar goals it's not the end of the world. Maybe there can be an in between, a sharing of the future, making each others dreams come true. But someone things are just too different. It's great when two people get together, have similar interest and similar goals in life and the first date turns into more dates. But this definitely doesn't happen every time. Yes, we will disagree on different things like social and political issues etc. But do you want to establish a relationship with someone who is investing their life savings to move to the Arctic Circle and become an Eskimo when you're happy staying in civilization and raising a family? No matter how much you like this person, don't ever give up your dreams to satisfy someone else's!

What's Your Opinion?

Would You Date Someone Without a Drivers License and/or Car?

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Do You Drive?

This one hits home for me, let me tell ya! This is one of the very first things I MUST know before going any further. Most of us don't enjoy being a chauffeur. Unless you're getting paid for it. Believe it or not there are adults out there who do not have a drivers license due to laziness, poor judgement, or lack of ambition. To me it;s very important for a responsible adult to have their own means of transportation to be able to efficiently perform their daily duties. This includes getting to work everyday on time. It may be a bit different for women than for men. Women want to be picked up and taken out on a date. Most of the time they want to sit in the passengers seat while her man takes the wheel. Now, I'm not saying every person who doesn't have a license or car is a bum. There are circumstances that are part of the exception. Use your own judgement.

Do They Want/Have Children?

Maybe you've been doomed to being childless for the rest of your life or maybe you just simply don't want any. And hey, that's perfectly fine. But this is something that is very important when it comes to a long term relationship. One wants kids and the other doesn't. In fact, for most, having children is an integral part of their life visions. When that vision is challenged, it can cause the relationship/marriage to become irreparable. So be sure you are ok with what they want in this aspect of life.

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Facts About Dating

  • Studies also suggests that men know when they’re falling for someone as soon as three dates in. Women take longer, reporting the same feelings around date 14.
  • Over half of people who report their relationship status as “single” say they haven’t been on a date in two years.
  • A recent poll suggests that 40% of men say that they are “scared” when first interacting with a potential mate.
  • According to Psychologists at UPenn, most people say they know within the first three seconds if they would have sex with someone or not.
  • 57% of women say that their first impressions of a guy are based off of his body language and self-presentation.
  • 91% of men who use the site are comfortable with a woman asking them out.
  • Statistically, negativity is a huge turn off. So smile!
  • Around 40% of romances start in the workplace. So ladies, make sure you wear that freakum dress next time you're standing by the watercooler!

Ask Sincere Questions That Evoke Sincere Answers

What makes your heart sing? Who is your best friend and why? What is most important to you? If you could go back in time where would you go and would you change anything? Where do you like to spend most of your time? What do they have an undying passion for? These kinds of questions will provide clarity for your future if you decide to share it with them. It could tell you something amazing about your date which might have taken months to uncover. Or, it could tell you exactly what you needed to hear to know that a second date would in fact be a waste of time.

Do You Have Any Siblings?

This gives you the opportunity to talk about family. Are they a family person or more of a selfish loner? This can give you a great idea on how he is in the family life department. Sibling relationships are what they have been dealing with their whole life so it can give you an idea of how they may be with you once you get closer. It's also great to know if they are a first, middle or youngest child. It can show personality traits like maybe they are competitive first child, the attention seeking middle child, the emotional younger child, or a spoiled rotten only child.

What Was Your Longest Relationship?

This is actually a pretty good way to figure out their commitment trend. Have they had a few long term relationships or many short term relationships? This can give you an idea whether or not he is able to commit to someone for the long run. Feel free to ask what ended the relationships. Maybe it can give you some incite on their relationship behaviors and if it's something you can deal with or not. Asking when the last relationship ended is pretty important in my book. Don't be their rebound!

What's Your Favorite Band/Music Group?

Believe it or not, folks, this can give you a big idea about their personality. According to a recent study, after listening to a compilation of songs chosen by a single person, people can make a fairly accurate assessment of major personality traits, like whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. Who knows? Maybe you dig the same music or better yet, you're both HUGE Doors fans, and that my friends, would be awesome.

What Movie Do You Never Get Sick Of?

Again, a personality evaluation question. Maybe not as good as the music question but it's a great conversation starter as well. Maybe you have he same taste in movies and entertainment, maybe you don't. But everyone loves talking about their favorite movies. Another perk to asking this question is leading to a second date to the movies if all ends well!

What Do You Like To Do In Your Free Time?

Great way to find out their idea of fun or relaxation. Many times couples fight about having to do what he wants to do or always what she wants to do. It's actually a good thing to have some differences in a relationship. But, wouldn't it be nice to share at least SOME of the same interests? This can also get a conversation going about travel destination preferences.

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Regardless of the Answers, Make the Best of it!

A first date can be exciting. But pay attention to your instincts and gut feelings. If you're not feeling it after it's over, just be honest! Chances are the feelings are mutual. At least if you keep a positive attitude and share truthful and honest opinions, stories and details, you may have made a great friend if not a potential significant other.

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    • Kalafina profile image

      Kalafina 

      4 years ago

      Ask if they have any food allergies! My first date with the now long-time boyfriend turned disastrous because I wasn't clear on the Celiac's issue. I never really considered the idea of going to dinner as being a 'dangerous' first date.

      Other than that, I liked the majority of your questions. Although the driving one was interesting. If you live in a city with great public transportation then you can get by without it. Currently, I have medical problems which have kept me unable to drive for the past 3 years. This sucks immensely for the both of us especially since I could drive when we first began dating (up to year 7 now).

      Though I disagree with one question. The kids. If he had mentioned it on date one I would have been freaked out. Slow down! I would like to get to a date or two of time before the baby plans appear.

    • Dan W Miller profile image

      Dan W Miller 

      4 years ago from the beaches of Southern California now living in Phoenix since 2000

      Act your age, be polite and stick to old values.

    • Jasmine Rivers profile image

      Lizzy 

      4 years ago from Gainesville, FL

      I try not really treat it like a date. I just act normal and let my actions and reactions do more of my talking.

    • Amanda Holzinger profile imageAUTHOR

      Cocky Mommy 

      4 years ago from New Jersey

      I agree aminebombom. Thanks for the comment!

    • aminebombom profile image

      Amine 

      4 years ago from Doha, Qatar

      good ideas, the most important thing is to engage in conversation, be yourself, so they wont be surprised after a while and say, omg you have changed blah blah blah.

      i always try to bring the good and bad points about me in first dates, what do you thing about that ladies?

    • Jasmine Rivers profile image

      Lizzy 

      4 years ago from Gainesville, FL

      This was very interesting, and you made some valid points. However, many people are nervous on a first date, so I would also suggest making sure the people are relaxed, so they don't feel like they are undergoing an interrogation.but very interesting and useful , I voted up.

    • Amanda Holzinger profile imageAUTHOR

      Cocky Mommy 

      4 years ago from New Jersey

      Thanks for the comments everyone! Maybe my point of view is a little forward but at this stage in my life I don't have time to waste! LoL so I go for the jugular every time.

    • villyvacker profile image

      Billy Turnock 

      4 years ago from Manchester England

      A great hub. You could even write a hub on how to ask those questions or at least find out the answers to them without actually using those questions. Eg. " I hate driving on the freeway, don't you?". Look forward to your future hubs

    • Dan W Miller profile image

      Dan W Miller 

      4 years ago from the beaches of Southern California now living in Phoenix since 2000

      Excellent hub! It takes experience and advice. I've been there.

    • Dougalbunny profile image

      Zoe 

      4 years ago from London, England

      A good read! I liked the list of facts. These days the whole dating game can be a bit of a chore!

    • dhimanreena profile image

      Reena Dhiman 

      4 years ago

      Great relationship advice. Will follow it on my next date

    • erorantes profile image

      Ana Maria Orantes 

      4 years ago from Miami Florida

      Thank you for the advices to have a good relationship. It is a wonderful thing to do in life. Dating is fan. Meeting different people is exciting. Good job on your hub miss Amandaholziger.

    • C_MarieWeber profile image

      C_MarieWeber 

      4 years ago from Wichita

      Nice article....however, I disagree with only children 'always' being selfish. I was an only child. I am a mother to five and all I do is give, give, and give. Understanding the family dynamic is important, though. Especially when you look at the parental relationships. Many people put up a facade, regardless of what questions you ask, so it's good to be creative and pay attention to red flags.

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 

      4 years ago

      Lot's of useful tips here. I really liked that you outlined some specific questions to ask---it takes a lot of the guesswork out of "what to say." Pretty much, you've covered it all; I would recommend this article heartily to anyone who is confused about what constitutes "good dating." I especially like that you take a no-stress approach to the whole getting to-know-one-another thing. Being relaxed really is the way to go. If things don't quite work out, there will always another opportunity to date someone else who is better for you. Up, useful.

    • Cheeky Kid profile image

      Cheeky Kid 

      4 years ago from Milky Way

      LoL. I'm not sure if I've gone out in a date before (maybe friendly bondings and outings) but, I don't know if those questions are really essential to ask. Not for me. xD

    • marlies vaz nunes profile image

      Marlies Vaz Nunes 

      4 years ago from Amsterdam, the Netherlands

      I fully agree with you, dashingscorpio!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Voted up and useful. You have some good questions. However I think too many people put so much pressure on themselves and others during a first date. First date questions should be “ice breakers” and encourage the other person to relax. Dating should be a fun exploratory process.

      As a guy I have to tell you having a woman ask me the following questions on a (first date) would be sort of a turn off. "Do They Want/Have Children?" or "What Was Your Longest Relationship?"

      Whether or not I want children is not important as enjoying her company and she enjoying mine. Maybe my longest relationship is an awful experience which having to think/talk about sours my mood for the evening.

      Bottom line if both people aren't having a great time on a (first date) there will not be a second date. Unintentionally sometimes women in particular come of as thought they're giving a guy a "pop quiz" on first date! It's as thought they don't want to gradually get to know them but instead weed them out. Clearing dating on a "mission" means you're not likely to enjoy the actual activity or event you're participating in. Lighten up! No one is asking you to decide on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire! :)

      Dating is supposed to be a FUN sociable activity and not an inquisition. If there is no chemistry between you it won't matter how he/she answers your questions. The first date really is about finding out do you have chemistry and enjoy each other's company.

      What led you to ask me out? What do you enjoy doing for fun? If you could visit any place in the world where would you like to go? What is your favorite type of food? Who is your all-time favorite singer/band? What is the funniest thing you ever heard or saw? Even with these questions you don’t want to ask them in “rapid fire” style.

      If they pass the "chemistry test" then you can ask other questions over the course of future dates, email exchanges, and phone conversations.

      One man's opinion! :-)

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