Marriage of Compromise when still in love with a dead Ex - Idolizing a dead Spouse

What prompted me into writing this Hub is the serial called ‘Punar Vivaah’ on Zee TV. Yash and Aarti lose their spouses but decide to get married again for the sake of the children while they are still in love with their dead Ex’s. Yash wanted a Mother for his 2 daughters, while Aarti wanted a Father for her son. They both idolize their Ex’s and cannot think of anyone else replacing them but give into parental pressure.

Many people go for marriage or re-marriage as a compromise. Most of the time, a re-marriage happens because of parental pressures. When the Parents see that their son or daughter suffering after the death of the spouse or divorce, they decide to interfere and get their son or daughter married as a solution. But is a marriage of convenience (compromise) a solution to the problem?

Believe it or not, Marriages of Compromise are quite common in India. Most of these marriages are arranged marriages where the Parents finalize the groom or bride based on their horoscope, family background, caste, financial status etc. Most of the time, widowers marry again to either unmarried woman or divorcee. Some men prefer not to marry again thinking that the women they marry would be unfair to his children. Earlier Widows were not allowed to marry again. They either go back to their Parental homes or stay with the in laws taking care of them. But now thankfully, many in laws and Parents have dared to get their daughters/daughter in laws married. Still some widows prefer not to re-marry thinking that it would make the children suffer.

It is difficult to believe that in India there was a Hindu custom called Sati where the widow was burned alive along with the dead body of her husband. Though the woman has to voluntarily end her life by burning herself on her husband’s pyre, when women refused to end their life they were forcefully burned by the conservative society. However, the system is not in existence any more. The Sati system came to an end in the year 1829, thanks to the efforts of Raja Ram Mohan Roy.

I would like to narrate the story of a girl I came to know from a Guy who wrote to me a few months back. The Girl’s Parents got her married to a widower with 2 children as they could not afford the dowry asked by single men. The girl stepped into her Husband’s house only to be treated as a caretaker to the Guy’s Parents and his children. The girl is married, but still a virgin. The twist in the tale is that her parents knowingly pushed her into the marriage. The girl wanted to go back to her parental home, but her parents threatened to end their lives if she does so. The Parents of the girl were more concerned about the society than the happiness and well being of their daughter. The guy who wrote to me is from her neighborhood. He wants to marry her but neither her parents nor his parents were supportive of it. He wrote to me asking for advice on what to do in such a situation. I asked him to directly approach the girl and ask her if she wants to get married to him first. He has not written back to me, so I am unaware of the present situation. I would not be surprised if the Guy gave into the pressure from his Parents and got married to a girl of Parent’s choice instead. Most of the times when Parents threaten to end their lives or disown from property, Guys give into parental pressures.

I have nothing against people marrying again; in fact I think it should be encouraged. Life is short and everyone deserves happiness in their life. But would it not be unfair to the partner if a man/woman cannot do justice to the marriage? If it is a compromise or adjustment from both sides it is still okay, but think of someone getting married only to be ignored by his/her wife/husband. Think of a wife or husband who has to compete with a Ghost for love and happiness. More than the Parents who force their son or daughter to marry again before they come out of their earlier relationships, the blame is on the man/ woman who marries before they have healed or moved on from their past.

What do you all think? Should a man or woman go for a second marriage while they are still in love with the Ex? Do you have a story you would like to share? Feel free to share your opinions through comments.