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In the Bedroom: Why Sex is More Than A Three Letter Word

Updated on December 30, 2010
Intimacy between a couple doesn't always have to be so complicated.
Intimacy between a couple doesn't always have to be so complicated.

According to the dictionary, sex is primarily described in the physical sense through gender relations and distinction between the two. Society had often defined it as an act between consenting adults or the stuff of trashy romance novels. There's such a stigma on human sexuality that women feel pressured to be more like Pamela Anderson than themselves from the first date on. Women feared that their partners wouldn't be interested in them if they didn't pass themselves off as ditzy Barbie wannabes, which couldn't be further from the truth. A little honesty and creative thinking go a long way in building a relationship from the ground up.

In the 1990s, Madonna tried to explore human sexuality through her music videos and that controversial book she published. The public's mixed reaction was based on a lack of understanding and how to better utilize their knowledge discreetly. Here are five suggestions to follow to make yourself and your partner ready for sex being more than a dirty word.

  • Find your own identity. Copying off a Hollywood bombshell like Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox doesn't guarantee a second date or a roll in the hay. Those famous actresses were photographed in magazines for being unique in appearance and personality. In this case, imitation isn't the best form of flattery. Be yourself on your dates and behind closed doors, even if it's not the most flattering version of you. Your partner will thank you for your honesty, especially if the date ends on a happy note.
  • Fantasies aren't necessarily a bad thing. Let's be honest, ladies and gentleman, we have all had a naughty fantasy or two to break up a routine workday. As long as no one gets hurt, it's okay to pretend your life is like a scene from a Nora Roberts novel minus the cliched ending. My mind recently went in that direction during a job interview with the interviewer for some reason. I don't know why it happened, but my strangely random fantasy prevented me from being too nervous as I talked with him. I'm not sure that I got the job, but I had an interesting afternoon irregardless.
  • Intimacy isn't just in bed. The misconception about sex is that once the deed is done a couple are automatically connected. That's not necesarily the case, because there wouldn't be as many one night stands or "friends with benefits." Of course, some couples are just built with an instant attraction as soon as they look at each other. That's what audiences felt when they saw Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was obvious from their start that their on-screen chemistry was off the chart, but it was still a slight surprise when they began dating in real life. For most of society, sex is only effective when a couple can trust each other before they progress to the bedroom. If that trust isn't there, a relationship won't progress any further.
  • Good things come to those who wait. Okay, that might sound slightly traditional. A throwback to the 50s or a time when innocence was meant to last longer than a New York minute. Time to change that for a more modern setting. Don't rush your first time in the bedroom as a couple. First impressions are everything in a budding romance, and that's one a couple can never get back. Take your time to get to know your partner a little bit before taking them home for the night. You don't necessarily have wait until your wedding night, but the same standards apply with sex being an important step in a couple's journey. Don't rush it or cheapen it with a rushed moment of passion that could veer into fling territory.
  • Betrayal always means something to everyone. When an affair is exposed in a relationship, the cheating partner often stated that it "meant nothing" or "it was just a physical relationship." Ultimately, the cheating still mattered no matter how much the unfaithful partner¬†played down their behavior. They did it for whatever reason and now both partners have to suffer the consequences. Your partner might not leave you for someone else, but it could still happen again. In a relationship, sex and trust are closely intertwined. One doesn't work without the other. If you can't trust your partner, the relationship will no longer benefit anyone.

In the end, sex is definitely not as sinister as it appears to be. It's simply a spark between two people that lasts longer enough to form an unforgettable bond or the start of a family. Like most things, sex is something that should never be trivialized because it can ruin any chance of something more serious down the road. Action definitely speaks louder than words in this case.


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    • Pagelift profile image

      Pagelift 6 years ago

      Great post. There is definitely alot of unnecessary tension and awkwardness when it comes to sex, when it is a fun and natural thing. Thank you for sharing :)