- Gender and Relationships»
Incorporate Me Deeper Into Your Life: How to Draw Closer as a Couple
Yaa Duku has been married to Kofi Darko for five years now. Recently, they have been having frequent fights and Yaa feels the marriage bond is weakening.
“I am worried about the situation. I had a discussion with my husband about ways he can incorporate me deeper into his life so that we can have a stronger marriage. I would appreciate it if I can get more ideas to help us grow closer as a couple,” she says
If you also feel that you are growing apart as a couple, what can you do to deepen the love between you and your spouse? What can you do to grow closer as a coupe again?
Let us look at some things you can do to keep your marriage strong.
1. Revisit the Past
As a marriage progresses through the sands of time, spouses sometimes reach the point where they become romantically lazy and uninspiring. Consequently, the vitality in the marriage vanishes and the marriage is left dry which can spell doom for the relationship.
Furthermore, some spouses become impatient towards their spouse as the marriage gets older and others become less thoughtful and considerate towards their spouses, and all these things can weaken the harmony in a marriage.
Therefore from time to time
- sit down as a couple;
- write down the things your spouse used to do that thrilled you when you were dating. Let your spouse do likewise;
- then, write down all the wonderful and romantic things your spouse used to do in the first year of your marriage which made you feel special;
- exchange the sheets and discuss what you can do to revive those happy days again;
- write down the decisions you arrive at and the consensus you are able to build. Keep this document at an advantageous place in your room where you will see it often so that you will remember to implement what you discussed; and
- implement your plan to bring change to your marriage.
Hold Regular Meetings
2. Have Weekly "Love Assessment" Meetings
At the end of every week, evaluate whether your spouse feels that you have shown enough love and affection to him or her: find out if your spouse is happy with the way you related to him or her, and whether he or she feels you expressed love that satisfied him or her.
If your spouse feels you did not show enough love, write down how he or she thinks you can improve and do your best to improve your performance in the coming week.
3. The Husband Must Try to Be Positive Always
A study conducted at the University of Chicago suggests that when a husband is very positive in his relationship, there is less conflict in the relationship. When you and your wife do not fight often, you will be able to strengthen the bond of love between the two of you. As a result, you can maintain your love for each other and even deepen that love.
So, learn to maintain a positive mentality always. Read God’s promises in the Bible, think about the positives sides of your wife often, and ruminate on the good things that have happened to you in your life and you will feel positive.
4. Find Out About the Whereabouts of Your Spouse Throughout the Day
Wanting to know where your spouse is can help you to intensify your love for each other: it will keep you on the mind of your spouse, and your spouse will also think about you often. Consequently, you can maintain the love connection in the marriage from day to day.
Furthermore, as you go about your day’s activities, spare about two or three minutes to reflect upon some wonderful things your spouse said to you the previous day or the previous week. This will help you to keep the fire of love you feel for your spouse burning.
Try New Things Often
5. Try Novel Things Constantly
Research suggests that husbands and wives who experiment with new things on a regular basis have stronger relationships. When your marriage is strong, you will find it easier to maintain the love you have for your spouse. As a result, you will relate to your spouse with a heart full of love and that will make both of you draw closer as a couple.
Therefore, mix things up from time to time. Learn how to dance African dances together, have a date in a section of your city where you have never visited before, play a game you have never played before such as a soccer game, or dress in African clothes on weekends instead of your normal western attire.
Go On Vacations Together
6. Take Regular Vacations Together
Once in a month or once every two months, retire to a cozy environment where reality barely intrudes and where the distractions of life and work cannot intrude on you, such as a log cabin in the woods or a peaceful resort in the countryside, and spend time alone with your spouse so that you can have privacy to talk and reconnect emotionally.
Additionally, doing this will afford you the opportunity to focus on each other so that you can strengthen the spirit of friendship and love between your spouse and yourself.
7. Exercise Together Regularly
When you exercise together often, you will learn to relate to each other as members of the same team. As a result, you will find it easier to cooperate as husband and wife and that will help to make you continue to feel close as a couple.
Furthermore, you will be able to improve your sex life. A study conducted by the University of Arkansas found that exercise improves the sex lives of individuals who engage in it regularly. When you exercise frequently, it will help to enhance the feelings of attraction you feel for each other. Additionally, your performance in the bedroom will be enhanced.
As a result, your spouse’s desire for you will grow stronger, you will make love often, your performance will improve and so you and your spouse will enjoy sex better, and that will help you to maintain your emotional closeness.
8. Continue to Idealize Your Spouse
Research by the University of Geneva suggests that when you are able to idealize your spouse and maintain positive illusions about him or her—when you continue to see your spouse as being beautiful or handsome, intelligent, funny and caring and so on, you will continue to be happy with each other.
When you are happy with your spouse, you can forge a closer emotional bond and that can help you to continue loving your spouse till death parts you.
So, at the end of every month, write down 50 things that you love about your spouse, and vice versa. Then, make it a point to revisit that list throughout the month so that you can continue to put your spouse on a pedestal. Repeat the exercise the following month and continue it throughout the year.
9. Communicate Often
Communicating effectively can help you to share thoughts and feelings which can evoke powerful memories that can motivate you to keep on loving your spouse.
Furthermore, good communication can help you to discuss differences so that you can prevent feelings of resentment and frustration. As a result, you can build your chemistry as a couple so that you can continue to have warm and tender feelings towards your spouse. So, learn how to communicate effectively so that you can bolster your love for your spouse.
10. Have Sex Often
According to Dr. Geoff Hackett, an expert in sexual medicine and a former chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine, when a couple have an active sex life it helps to keep them together.
As you continue to make love regularly, your intimacy will continue to deepen. Furthermore, each of you will feel wanted and needed by the other, you will continually have tender feelings for your spouse, you will feel comfortable with your spouse, and that can promote warm intimacy in the marriage.
11. Celebrate Every Challenge You Overcome Together
When you have a bitter fight and you resolve the conflict, use that conflict as an instrument to deepen your bond of love: have a reconciliation dinner or buy “reconciliation gifts” for each other. Laugh over the conflict and rejoice in the fact that you overcame the conflict successfully.
By doing this often, you will develop a culture as a couple which will make you see conflicts as challenges which come just to test your love for each other. That will help you to resolve conflicts peaceably so that you can maintain the camaraderie in the marriage.
12. Continue to Build Trust and Honesty in the Marriage
When you trust your spouse, you will be more willing to open up to satisfy his or her needs, desires and wishes so that you can sustain the love in the marriage.
On the other hand too, when you are worthy of trust, your spouse will find it easier to show affection to you, and that will help you to build a loving relationship.
So, try to develop the trust in the marriage: try to tell the truth often, be open with your spouse, and commit to showing loyalty to your spouse.
13. Show Affection Every Day
Affection can help you to remain committed to your spouse. Furthermore, it can help to enhance closeness which can make you show stronger love for your spouse.
Therefore, make it a habit to kiss your spouse in the morning when you wake up, and hug your spouse before you leave for work and when you come home from work every day.
14. Pray for Your Spouse Often
God can help you to keep loving each other forever if you believe in Him and ask Him to help you maintain your love for your spouse.
Therefore, intone prayers such as this one regularly, “Dear Heavenly Father, God of love, I thank You for blessing my life with Isaac. We have shared some incredible moments together and that has made life worth living in this world of sorrow, pain, ad heartache. Father, I want You to work on Isaac’s heart so that he will incorporate me deeper into his heart. Let him love me even more than he does now, just as You continue to love us every day. Let him deepen his love for me, and teach me to love him even more than I do now so that we can have a happy marriage which will glorify Your name. Creative God, Lord of Creation, please give us creative ideas every day so that we can keep the marriage fresh and exciting. And help us to remain committed and faithful to each other so that we can give a good account of our marriage to You when we depart from Earth. Amen.”
If your spouse says to you sometimes, “Incorporate me deeper into your life,” doing novel things together often, exercising together regularly, and continuing to idealize your spouse will all contribute to enhance the bond of love in your marriage.
Incorporate Me Deeper Into Your Life
Do you show affection for your spouse every day?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio