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Indifference. (Enemy of Intimacy).

Updated on August 11, 2017
faith-hope-love profile image

I've been blessed or cursed with a view of societal mores prevalently in vogue. I see wrongs others see as OK. Injustice caused by GREED.

No warmth in the room.

Indifference is an attitude that derives from our defenses, comes from our fear of forgiving both ourselves and others for our human weaknesses. It is a wall that is built up round us and is a fortress against all those who we would have an intimate relationship with and who in turn would reach out to us in Friendship and / or Intimacy. Those we need and are important to us feel it's Coldness. They feel and suffer our projected unconcern. When we put this wall up it is meant but done unconsciously because of previous hurts. It, the wall not only a fortress that is against others but blocks our way to our own inner knowledge of ourselves. Human beings are not born with this malady. They adopt it and then they nourish, internalize it as a defense that is against a repeat of some injury or maltreatment and so it becomes a huge impenetrable wall to our path inwards to our self understanding and blocks any inroads or advances out to and in from other people. It is an attitude that has to be worked on with a considerable effort in order to eliminate it from our characters. May need the inclusion of a Councilor.

We have to accept and to recognize that the wall is there and also to decide to know and accept that we are fully responsible for our wall's presence. We are the builders continuously adding and strengthening the bulwarks.

How!! A feeling of non presence.

Hate, Love. These along with other like emotions do at least acknowledge the other person as a viable entity, and though they may cause some reaction or pro-action there is at least an admission of the existence of the other. Whereas with indifference there is complete disregard of another persons very being. This makes the recipient to feel like an non being. Indifference does not see what another is doing or saying and has no implication of the other being even present. Indifference tells another that they hold no importance. It says you are of no consequence. It can be, but is usually not done with this intention. The person demonstrating, indifference is holding his/her castle walls of defense against the outer world and is unable to reach out with a genuine care and concern for other people. they have either never learned or have lost the ability in a period of intense personal emotional and psychological injury. Indifference is not an instant character wall but is built and developed over many small incidents stemming from the initial injury or hurt. It shows a lacking in "Self Worth".

The mirror of Spouse.

Indifference is created in spouses and among friends when they do not really afford the time to truly be with each other and NO I am not speaking of Sex or anything anywhere near to it. Married we tend to use indifference, (the quiet treatment) against our spouse to avoid our having to work on any disagreement that may or may not be a threat to us but we perceive it as so. In the marital relationship our partner in some instances will know us better than we know ourselves and so become our attitude mirror. Our defenses have slipped. In this manner we negate any real communication.

Feelings subdued. Interest killed.

Though there are some things that we may have or not have any calling towards and may have a genuine indifference towards. The indifference I am speaking of is that one, which we develop for and to other people. This form of indifference not only does harm to ourselves but is destructive of relationships, and to those that it may or may not be directed at. in other words our indifference may have come from some wrong imposed on us in childhood and is carried inside us into our adulthood. We may have some control over it in its early stages but as we get older our control of that fortress becomes less and less. The original hurt or abuse, mistreatment festers and mushrooms. The initial injury grows to gigantic proportions and at some point after we have destroyed many good intimacies will become explosive and boil over. In it's cold state it has in the meantime been instrumental in keeping us from relating in any meaningful way to persons that we feel drawn towards. We need to do a soul search that will improve our relationship with ourselves. We need to get to know and understand ourselves thoroughly in order for us to build strong and faithful relationships within and without Marriage.

Early use of the words. Indifferent and Indifference.

The original use of the words Indifferent and Indifference.had very different connotations than that conveyed to-day. Indifferent simply put meant that a person had no preference between two choices. Indifference boiled down to meaning that there was no bias. Present times show a very much expanded definition of those two words and they are now used to describe an attitude of uncaring and in some ways of coldness. This attitude develops a distance between partners, friends, and spouses. This "Attitude" creates almost unsolvable problems. Problems that require deep probing of the self and a great deal of forgiveness from self, of self and from others. It takes a lot of hard and painful work on the part of all concerned. The usage of the words, as you can see, has expanded a great deal from the original and now covers many sins. A great many sins venial and mortal.

We must create an atmosphere of genuine and good "Communication".

The "Me" first culture which has become dominant in the last "Fifty" plus years and created a society of "Individual" ME first members. A culture of selfishness that will only be reversed by our reaching out in "Grace" and charity, (Charity is the practice of love) to develop meaningful conversations between the sexes and between other members of society. We must return to a culture of "Acceptance" and love and real caring for each other. This means work for all of the members of society and open arms from all. We must return to the concern of whether a peg when round or oval will fit in a square hole. We must accept all people with all of the facets in Society. Respect every one and show them love and acceptance regardless of the belief system he or she may profess. Accept all regardless of creed, color, or gender. In matters where we disagree at least offer to agree to disagree and do not impose our rules of life on another. We should be able to discuss our political and our religious differences without our getting hot under the collar. We are given two ears and one tongue therefore we must listen at least twice as much as we speak. When we are open and ready to voice our hurts and we are willing to enter into real and genuine conversation with all parties. Then we will begin to build the unselfish communities that we all yearn for. In the words of Pope Francis - Build a culture and society of Mercy. Take a step a leap into the culture of wonder and "LOVE".

Steps Back to.

In recent times we have lost some of our motion towards a society of unity and love and have become once more divided making the could care less attitude of whether you live or go more easier to adopt as our face to the world. We have to once again stretch out and reach up to gain higher ground. It is time for a personal soul searching and a striving to become a more giving society. We have to become not only the hands and feet of God but also the heart, that we may do his will in bringing real love and intimacy to our private worlds and to the world at large. We must give love and have an interest with genuine concern for the welfare of others in and out of our circle. We must strive in combat against Indifference towards others. We must be active in developing a society of Care, Love, and Acceptance for all. "This is what Agape Love is all about". There is "GOOD" in every one. Look for it. Find it. Love it.

Indifference to DEATH.

instead of a "Culture of Life" society has moved steadily towards a "Culture of DEATH" and all of this wrong direction has come from the indifference demonstrated by "Society" first towards the "Abortion issue" and the demonstrated "SILENCING" of opposite opinions. Now we have the "EUTHANASIA" issue. We can always justify what we are Killing the right of a woman over her own Body. It is not a baby only a piece of tissue. The right to choose. He/She has no quality of life. I am sure they want to die. They have no vestiges of coherent humanity. They are disabled beyond any recognition. They no longer have value. It costs us a lot of money to keep them alive. Etc Etc. With Indifference laid in one brick it can, unless brought into check, it will permeate through all of Society and will DESTROY IT Finally.

Follow "Jesus"

Two thousand plus years ago there came into this world a great teacher. He came to reform the world and to bring acceptance of all to mankind. The early Christians did accept and follow his teachings very religiously to the letter. Amongst them "No One" went hungry. Not one member of the community of believers felt left out. We can not say that to-day because our society has become engrossed in a culture of selfishness. Me first and last is rampant. There is no care or love for another. The hope is kept alive by the fact that there is a remnant of folk who are longing for a return of a society of loving and caring individuals. We can joyously build on that foundation. We have to come follow the teachings of Jesus. Live in grace. Be grace giving. Give love. Give care. When we do our rewards will be great.


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    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 6 days ago from Washington DC

      JW, in my search of "indifference's" meaning I have found it to be the wall destroyer rather than builder. "Babylon's" - the U.S.A. - dictionary definition; "lack of interest, concern, or sympathy;" is the cause whereas the spelling and pronunciation suggest it means "in the difference of opposites" destroying the walls of both love and hate. Look at my poem ...

      Love aka Indifference

      Love, a word which cannot be defined,

      not what you do but a frame of mind;

      yet it does create an effect

      few are ever able to reject.

      It does not build empires by setting boundary lines,

      neither does it stake out claiming things as mine.

      It's not selfish to any at all,

      not to rich nor poor, nor great nor small.

      It's not bias in any light,

      not to red nor yellow nor black nor white;

      but it does make every living thing your brother,

      spirit your father and the earth your nursing mother.

      ... I believe it shows everything is opposite of what you have expressed. The name I gave it, "Love aka Indifference", suggest it means "unconditional love" and what I express explains much of what you state on your profile.


    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 21 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Indifference is a very interesting concept. You handled it well here.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 21 months ago

      Indifference simply means one is not emotionally invested and could care less about what happens with other people.

      You said: "Indifference is an attitude that derives from our defenses," this is often true especially if one has been hurt multiple times by those they did emotionally invest in the past. It's not unusual for many people to learn this form of detachment after their own parents have hurt them.

      In other instances it's a reaction to being hurt in past relationships.

      Last but not least some people are naturally narcissistic and their behavior dates back to their early childhood. They simply never learn to empathize with others or care what they think. In their minds they are the most important person in the world and no one else matters.

      Oddly enough this belief is actually reinforced by those who gravitate towards them out of admiration of their beauty, talent, wealth, or whatever. The more people kiss their ass the more self-centered they become.

      Having said that there are instances where people are hot and heavy during the "infatuation phase" of a (new) relationship. However once there is an "emotional investment" on the part of their mate they start to (relax) and take them for granted. Some folks call this "real love" after the passion has faded and they settle into a ho hum existence.

      In other instances indifference is the result of slowing growing apart over time. They've mastered the art of "going along to get along".

      Even when they're in the same house they're rarely in the same room. Affection, hand holding, kissing, snuggling, laughter, and conversations about each other's day cease. Complaints and arguments are avoided because they've thrown in the towel and have accepted the fact nothing is going to change. Indifference means feeling disconnected.

      It's amazing how such relationships eventually become "comfortable".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'

      - Oscar Wilde