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Relationships and Cheating : Infidelity and Deception.

Updated on May 22, 2019

Infidelity and Deception

Finding out about an infidelity or a deception in a relationship, can cause a lot of issues between couples. Some people choose to give their significant other a second chance (or third depending on the person and level of masochism) and others choose to make a clean break and start over. Most of the time it's not even the cheating that causes the most pain, its the thought that you've been lied too and made to look like a fool. In most cases, Men and Women cheat because of lack of interest in their own relationships. Some excuses range from completely shallow to even vengeful. It's common knowledge that you can't stop people from straying. All you can really do is hope that your significant other cares enough about your feelings and not cheat.

Types of Cheating...

Emotional, Physical and everything in between... Most people have their own definition of what they would consider cheating. Cheating in a committed relationship can occur in many different forms with varying degrees of damage. Sometimes you fall in love with somebody else. Other times the thrill of the chase can be to hard to resist. Cheating on a spouse or significant other can signal the end of a relationship but it doesn't always have to.

Physical Infidelity

Physical infidelity is the most common and obvious form of betrayal. Everything from flirting, to kissing and finally intercourse falls under this category. Some people will try to convince themselves that if sex did not occur then it can't be considered cheating. Know that physical infidelity is usually a one time thing, not to say that it cant be something long term as is usually the issue. Most relationships can survive from a one time infidelity, now long term is a whole different ballgame. My stance is, If you feel guilty about whatever scenario happened, then you should probably re-evaluate what you consider cheating because you probably already have.

Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infidelity happens when one part of a couple begins to have a non-physical relationship with another person other then their significant other. Sometimes this form of cheating is worse then physical. Why? Because this person is now sharing thoughts and intimate details about themselves with somebody other then their partner.Eventually, feelings of friendship grow into feelings of love. And when that happens, their thoughts are consumed with this other person and that could then lead to a physical relationship. Some people agree that emotional cheating is far worse then physical, mainly because if you fall in love with someone other than the person you are currently in a relationship with, then you can't willingly stay in that situation.

Virtual Infidelity

Who hasn't heard about all these politicians and celebrities cheating on their spouses and significant others through social networking sites? Dating sites, Facebook, Twitter... Virtual cheating can mean anything from contacting old flames and rekindling a romance to even meeting new people and starting romantic relationships with them.

I wouldn't wanna be this guy...
I wouldn't wanna be this guy...

Why People Cheat.

1. Because they can.

Why not cheat on a significant other if there wasn't a chance of them finding out? and really, who is there to stop them? There is a saying that goes " Humans aren't meant to be monogamous". To a certain degree, yes that might be true. If you look at it in a scientific way, yes humans were meant to fulfill certain biological needs. Procreation being the end goal. Men were supposed to sow their wild oats in as many women as possible to ensure the success of the species. Ok, maybe that's a little much but you get the point. Monogamy might not have been introduced until religions made it a thing. Even then some of them advocate for more than one partner! Humans have romanticized the idea of monogamy as a special "one true love "kind of thing when in reality it might not be entirely feasible for everyone.

At the end of the day, people have free will and if they choose to step out on their partner, its because they can.

2. Makes them feel wanted.

The idea that you could be in a relationship for such a long time and still be able to catch the attention of other potential love interests is invigorating. And if you just happen to catch their number or become intimate, that's just a bigger ego boost. During the course of a relationship, even when certain wants and needs are met, there is always the thought of a "What if?" scenario. We begin to fantasize about what life could be like with someone else or if being alone might be a better option. Being with the same person for years could end up making people too comfortable in their relationships and they lose the spark that they once had. This issue can lead to trying to find that spark in other places.

3. You grow apart.

If you've been with a significant other for a long time, things can get stale. Work, children and your lives in general, get in the way of what once used to be a vibrant happy relationship. It's actually kind of unavoidable. People aren't the same person they used to be 5 or 10 years before. Times change and so does your relationship. You can either grow with your partner or stay behind.

4. You argue a lot.

You begin to realize that certain things about your partner are beginning to annoy you. You pick fights over minuscule things and they become huge blown out of proportion fights that you don't even know how they began. Eventually, you become sick of them and look for a way out.

5. They have fallen out of love.

This is probably the most difficult thing to hear from a significant other. There isn't much you can do about it but move on, especially if there was cheating involved.

6. Unhappiness in the relationship.

If this is the case, then you probably shouldn't be with this person anymore. Or you can find a new way to communicate your displeasure. Cheating isn't the answer.

7. Financial hardship

Something people don't realize is the importance of financial stability in a relationship. Money can play a real part in how a relationship works and how long it lasts. Money can be a deal breaker and could be a reason for why a fed up partner might cheat.

In the end...

Most people stay in relationships even after a significant other has cheated. It all boils down to what they consider cheating. I have seen many a relationship where someone cheated and even though their significant other was angry, they took them back. Sometimes this works out; sometimes it turns into a disaster. It requires two to tango, and when it comes to cheating the only person at fault is the one causing pain to their significant others. Many men and women who have been victims of their partner's infidelities feel that they might be at fault or that they may be the reason why the infidelity occurred. That's simply not the case. People will do as they wish. It is how we deal with it that determines the outcome of how we handle our pain and move forward.


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    • anunez49 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from New York

      Thank you so much for the kind words! And I completely agree with your assessment on what kind of cheaters there are out there. I love comments, its a great way to know how I'm doing and excellent way to get good ideas on new thank you!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      10 years ago from Chicago

      Excellent Hub!

      “It's common knowledge that (you can't stop people from straying). All you can really do is hope that your significant other cares enough about your feelings and not cheat.”

      Excellent statement and very true! I’ve come to realize there are 3 basic types of cheaters.

      a) The “Incessant Cheater” – She/he gets bored easily, never been faithful and believes variety is the spice of life. They are popular, flirt a lot, and have the “it” personality.

      b) The “Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater” – They can’t believe “their luck” or circumstances that provided them the opportunity to be with someone that is out of their league or just doesn’t normally “happen to them”. They believe the best way to handle temptation is to yield to it.

      c) The “Discontented Cheater” He/she feels “justified” to (seek other options) because their mate has (stopped doing something) that caused them to fall in love with them. If a relationship/marriage is not “all bad” then most people would rather cheat than go through a messy breakup or divorce. This is especially true if their relationship garners love from both sets of family members, friends, and the community. In their mind the affair is nothing more than making up the difference that is missing in the relationship.

      Now if you are with types a & b there is nothing much that can be done. However if you are with type c and can see that you stopped doing some things, relaxed too much, maybe took your mate for granted then it’s possible you might be willing to give them a second chance if they are sincerely contrite about the cheating. The truth about cheaters is they are too cowardly to either confront issues in their relationships or walk away (before finding another person). They want to hold onto all that is good in the primary relationship and fill the gaps with the affair.

    • anunez49 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from New York

      thank you!

    • manthy profile image


      10 years ago from Alabama,USA

      Nice hub - It is very interactive and gives the reader something to think about


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