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Intimacy in a Relationship

Updated on March 13, 2014

Intimacy in a relationship

What turns your partner on? If you're thinking that it is sexy lingerie or a new cologne that turns your partner on, think again. Those things defiantly arouse people, but according to, they have discovered that nothing gets the opposite sex heated up more than sexual confidence.

Confidence is a very attractive quality in anyone. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance and all too often, people act arrogant and feel it is confidence.

According to

Main Entry: 1con·fi·dence

Pronunciation: 'kän-f&-d&n(t)s, -"den(t)s Function: noun

1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances <had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed> <met the risk with brash confidence> b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way <have confidence in a leader>

2 : the quality or state of being certain <they had every confidence of success>

3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy <took his friend into his confidence> b : reliance on another's discretion <their story was told in strictest confidence> c : support especially in a legislative body <vote of confidence>

4 : a communication made in confidence <accused him of betraying a confidence>

I define Sexual Confidence as:

A feeling or consciousness of ones own sexual likes, dislikes and ability to know their partners likes and dislikes in order to please them.

The ability to communicate with trust and reliance on the other person for support and discretion.

Both genders are turned on by confidence. Who doesn't want to be able to confide in their partner their sexual desires? A healthy relationship should have that feeling of trust between each person. Trust that either person can say, "No I do not like it when you touch me there." Or "Yes, I do have a fantasy about that."

A woman desires that she can tell her man her deepest desires and fantasies and he is not going to go to his buddies and tell all. The same for a man who shares his desires and fantasies with his partner. Those things are part of the intimacy that a relationship thrives on, that deep knowledge of each others thoughts and ideas and trust that it stays between them! It is very arousing to know your partner well enough that you know their deep desires sexually. It is fun and exciting to fulfill each others desires in new and exciting ways!

Too often the intimate part of a relationship becomes stagnant and in a rut that is boring and unfulfilling. Sexual confidence can keep that part alive and thriving!

Now some say that having sexual confidence can be a problem in relationships! How can this be you ask? The problem is that too many people are uncomfortable talking about sex. GASP

Many men feel uncomfortable asking a women about their sexual likes and dislikes and many women are not comfortable talking about what they want in bed. We are not born with the innate knowledge of what to do during sex other than the basic act of intercourse. It is the INTIMACY that needs to be learned and there should be nothing embarrassing about asking your partner what to do for them to please them.

Unless you have psychic abilities, most people are not mind readers. While we can get to know someone well enough that it seems we read their mind, in all honesty, the only way to achieve this is by honest and open communication between partners. It is ok to acknowledge to your partner that you need to be taught a few things about intimacy.

Some people were brought up by parents that never talked about sexual issues. This is so unfortunate because that means children learn from friends who may be as misinformed as they are or from older friends who may take advantage of them sexually. But that is a whole different topic!

My point is this, the success of a relationships depends on good, honest and open communication in every area.

Think about this, if your partner makes a meal for you and it is foods you do not like, do you just gag it down anyway? Perhaps some people do because they do not want to hurt the other person's feelings after they went to the trouble of making the meal. The problem with that is that you have given your mate the wrong signal. They now think that you LIKE that food and will make it again.

It is the same in your intimate life. If your partner is not fulfilling you sexually and you keep silent about it, they will not know you are unsatisfied. Hence why women fake orgasms! That is so sad! Intimacy is the most basic human behavior along with breathing! It's just in our nature to be intimate. We should enjoy it and there is nothing wrong with enjoying good sex with your partner!

Sexual expression and intimacy between two people who care about each other is the ultimate way to say "I Love You". Below are a few steps to help you become more communicative in your boudoir!

  1. Set a time aside with no distractions to have at least 3 hours together
  2. Discuss an agreement between you that anything shared with each other stays between each other. "What happens in Vegas...."
  3. Once you've agreed on the confidentiality issue, each of you write down your sexual likes and dislikes. I do not mean specifically about the other person but in general terms. (Do not list things like "I do not like it when you..." but just state in general terms "I do not like my feet touched during sex" (or whatever it is!)
  4. Exchange lists and look over what your partner likes and does not like.
  5. Discuss those things and learn what your partner's turn on's and off's are
  6. Now go have some intimate FUN! ;-)


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    • enamfs profile image


      10 years ago from Lake side.

      Gosh.....! Very good idea!

    • profile image

      da phizzle 

      10 years ago

      diz sh**t is da bomb i tried it out with my girl n itz been fun all through .........thank 4 being there

    • Ellie McHale profile image

      Ellie McHale 

      11 years ago from Menlo Park

      Awesome, thank you!

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      11 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I couldn't agree more. no, not just the lingerie but the honesty and communication and intimacy and oh yes, the confidence... but yes, the attire helps.  I guess if partners are able to truthful in the different aspects of their relationship, they could take that to a higher level and be truthful about their sex life as well.  :-)

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      I think beautiful lingerie can help.


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