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Is It Love or Lust?

Updated on January 5, 2014


  • A deep longing to spend time with another person
  • Asks that those involved discuss their feelings
  • A motivator to improve oneself
  • Asks of a deep longing friendship that can extend to each other's family


  • An unbridled sexual attraction that seeks expression
  • Creates the illusion of perfection
  • Refuses to faces reality
  • Does not require friendship or mutual intellectual stimulation

Facts cited from: Psychology Today


So as a writer, I'm constantly seeking the truth of certain things about life. As I've grown older, I've begun to question the difference between Love and Lust. I know this is an age-old topic, but I decided to write about and therefore did some research using Psychology Today. If you don't know what it is, it's a website and they also provide a magazine that showcase the studies affirmed by psychology. You can find some really pertinent advice about topics like this. Just go on there and search the topic you're curious about.

Anyway, I hope this article is useful and engaging for you all who are looking for love in 2014. We always seem to have this desperation to be with someone and find happiness. It's a part of being human, I think. Anyway, to shed some light on things, I decided to share with you my research on the topics. Perhaps it can help us all find love this year. We might all find a bit of lust as well. Though, of course, love is a bit more meaningful. Don't believe me, check out my quick notes on the right!



"Love... Love will keep us together..."

Through my research, I learned a more detail of the differences between Love and Lust. I think many people have an interesting grasp of what it is, but just in case, I'm going to list some key factors about love and hopefully it can shine some light on the issue. Love is such a broad thing and it just seems to catch us off guard and maybe we'll never truly understand it. However, we can at least try our best.

Love Is Not An Emotion

As strange as it sounds, my research from Psychology Today doesn't describe Love as an "emotion". However, it does involve emotions such as bliss, excitement, joy, interest, and the erotic anticipation of sensory pleasure. I kind of agree. Love is something that's just as simple as one emotion and it only makes sense that it encompasses all of these things. Emotions are direct and stringent by definition. Love just doesn't fit in that category.

Love Won't "Keep Us Together"

I recently read an article on Psychology Today explaining that you should marry anyone just for love. Yes, love is awesome and great, but it cannot sustain itself without the other necessities of life. Love is described as "luxury" and marrying for love should come only after needs like food and shelter are met. When marrying for love, it shows that these marriages crumble and fail because there is no lasting purpose. Love changes, does not make for the strongest foundation, and fails to be your only need. Mutual respect, shared goals, and compatibility also helps.These facts about love and marriage are pertinent to life, I believe.

Love Doesn't Exclude Lust

There is always this disillusioned vision that love excludes its counterpart Lust. Lust is an enhanced desire to be sexual with someone you're with. Feeling those things are not bad when you're in love. It's only a matter of determining whether you're experience Pure Love or Pure Lust.



"The more we are filled with thoughts of lust the less we find true romantic love."

If you're like me, when you think of lust you think of a couple just really going at it. One might say that when he or she searches for Love, all they find is lust knocking at their door. Though, like I've mentioned before, Love doesn't exclude Lust. Also like Love, Lust isn't considered to be an emotion and features the same reactions that love can feature. The fact is, the two feel somewhat similar. Let's shine some light on the differences.

Lust Is Also Not An Emotion

In my reading, I've discovered that Lust is also not described as an emotion. In fact the two feel so similar that it can be a bit confusing what you're feeling. However, I've learned that there are things one does and one sees when in Lust rather than when in Love.

Lust Does Not See Reality

Lust is like wearing rose colored glasses. You see no faults in this person and completely focused on the physicality of the relationship. Someone who is in Lust will fail to see the issues with a particular person and will undoubtedly focus on sex and decline moments in which a relationship can see truth or deeper meanings. Lust is described as an "octane for the relentless pursuit of another person in spite of intellectual reason and sometimes regardless of emotional barriers such as guilt or shame". Lust is a fantasy and a delusion. It also stifles the possibility of developing a relationship that is healthy and honest.

Lust Can Become Love

Despite all the negatives of Lust, it can become Love over time. If two people have Lust in the beginning and learn that they enjoy spending time together, show an interest in growing a relatonship, and motivate one another, they can grow to love one another. This is true and many people can attest to such fact.

In Conclusion

Lust is not a bad thing and others may prefer to love. When you love you make yourself vulnerable and sometimes we fear that more than anything else. However, if you are truly seeking love, learn to make yourself vulnerable. Learn to see all the good and bad. Learn to grow with the other person and discover whether you want more from them. This could include more time, more connections, more talk. If you seek all those things, then you're progressing from Lust to Love. Just remember that just loving someone doesn't mean you should marry them. You should also have respect for them, provide for each other, and have affection for one another. One could say Lust and Love cannot exist without the other. Eventually the two cross paths. You just need to know which one is which.

Thanks for reading this piece. Leave comments below!

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© 2014 A.E. Williams


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    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thank you! :-)

    • Pinina Kahn profile image

      Pinina Kahn 4 years ago from Richmond, Virginia

      Great article!

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      No problem! Thanks Eddy!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      So very interesting and thank you for sharing.