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Can Using Jealousy Help You Win Back Your Ex?

Updated on July 8, 2014
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Can Jealousy Work?

In short, the answer is yes. You can use jealousy in order to successfully win back your lost relationship, and make a new attempt at a romance possible. The bad news is that not all jealousy is created equally. Jealousy is nothing new. It's existed since the dawn of time, and it's easily one of the most powerful emotions in existence. Unfortunately, it all too often comes with a price. Jealousy is easily misused, and if you aren't careful, you're going to find yourself on the losing side with no one to blame but yourself.


The trick to using jealousy effectively is to use it sparingly - and subtly. You can't knock your ex upside the head with it - especially if they've already started to move on and begun a new relationship. You have to think with your head, not with your heart. You have to examine all of your options and weigh out the pros and cons of each - before you make a move and risk losing everything in the process. You need to recognize and understand how jealousy works - and what makes it so incredibly effective. You also need to recognize and come to terms with its dangerous side. Jealousy backfires far too often by people who attempt to use it to their advantage, only to find themselves ensnared by their own trap. Discerning the difference is the key to your success - or to your downfall. Fortunately, jealousy is not as difficult to understand as you may think, as long as you're willing to put in the time and energy required to use it wisely without risking it all in the process.

The potential benefits of jealousy

Jealousy is well known for its negative attributes. It does have its positive side, although that side is less prominent due to misuse and abuse by people who act without proper thought and planning in place.

1. Jealousy works quickly. In fact, it's one of the quickest ways possible to win back an ex - as long as you act cautiously and in moderation. If you're looking to get your ex's attention in quick order and keep it, then jealousy is probably the tool for you. If you're looking to just get a reaction and you don't care whether it's positive or negative, then you're probably headed down a dark and dangerous road. If you continue, there may be no hope for recovery, no matter how you try to find it.

2. Jealousy works with your ex's existing emotions - it doesn't create new ones. If you're able to make your ex jealousy in a subtle manner, then they're not going to be able to point the finger at you or blame you for their mixed emotions. They're going to have to examine everything that they thought that they knew - including their reasons for breaking up with you.

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How does jealousy work?

When using jealousy in a positive and productive manner, it's very simple to understand how and why it works so beautifully. When your ex broke up with you, they thought that they had good reasons for it. They also thought that they'd have a lot of time on their hands to deal with any residual aftermath and handle any of the residual romantic feelings that they still had for you. Exes have a lot of preconceived notions and stereotypes when it comes to the people that they broke up with. They expect, naturally, that you'll be so devastated by the breakup that you'll be unable or unwilling to move on - at least before they have the opportunity to get a head start and beat you to the punch.

By acting in a manner that defies their expectations, you're taking them by surprise in a very real, tangible manner. You're not sitting around moping. You're not holed up in your apartment crying into your coffee or favorite alcoholic beverage. You're not throwing a tantrum or begging/pleading for a second, third or fourth chance. You're not doing anything that they expected - or feared. You're doing something far different. You're rediscovering and reclaiming your own life aside from the relationship that you lost - and you're doing it in a positive and proactive manner.

They say that the best revenge is to live well, and that is never truer than it is in these specific circumstances. You're finding the very best out of life, despite all the hardships that life has recently thrown your way. Your actions will cause them to doubt themselves and the reasons that they found to leave you behind in the first place. They're going to start to see you in a completely different light, and they may be shocked to discover that the initial spark of attraction that they felt for you back in the beginning has unexpectedly resurfaced and is giving them a run for their money.

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Jealousy's dark passenger

When you rush into jealousy without forethought, you find yourself in a world full of possible dangers. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and take things entirely too far. Emotions are tenuous and volatile things. When it comes to jealousy, it's safe to say that practically everything can go wrong.

Intentional manipulation is never a positive thing, and your ex is unlikely to find the idea of someone messing with their minds a pleasant experience. Put yourselves in their shoes for a moment, and it's likely that you will understand exactly how they would feel if the positions were reversed. Game playing is never a positive aspect, and it's difficult to try and spin it into something good and beneficial when it undermines the trust and connection that builds a relationship and drives it forward in the first place.

Additionally, if you involve someone else in your little charade just to get back at an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, you run the risk of seeming petty, arrogant, selfish and/or immature. You're showing a blatant disregard for the feelings of the other people - including the new person and your ex. You're putting your needs and desires above those of anybody else, and you're acting completely upon your own wishes while disregarding everyone else.

Perception is everything when it comes to rebuilding a lost romance, and if your ex continues to see you negatively, then you have no chance to come out on top. They'll write you off as a stereotypical ex and the last strands of hope will slip through your fingers before you have a chance to recognize the danger. If the last threads of hope and respect dissipate, then there's literally nothing left, and you won't have a leg to stand on when it comes to a second opportunity.

Positive, Subtle jealousy

Jealousy can be used in a positive manner, but it means thinking about things from different, often-ignored angles. If you're serious about making this attempt work, then you need to be willing to see things from a different perspective and not simply a perspective based on making your own goals come to light.

Instead of immediately starting to date someone else, don't do anything so overt. Jealousy is so powerful that it doesn't need to be blatant in order to work. It's enough to simply bring happiness to the forefront. Make the decision to live a positive light, despite your negative circumstances. Don't involve an innocent person in your attempts. Find a friend of the opposite sex that you can spend time with. The illusion of jealousy is just as powerful (if not more so) than actually dating or beginning a new relationship. It gains the same results without any potential resentments that could keep you chained in the past and unable to move forward.

Have you ever used jealousy to regain an ex?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      I think (jealousy) tactics tend to work with younger people more than older ones. Someone who is in their 40s, 50s or beyond is fairly certain when they decide a relationship is over they are done.

      Even when I was younger I never felt the desire to chase after one of my exes because she was dating a new guy. There were instances where I had a couple of "booty calls" with them for (ego) purposes at that immature stage of my life. It was just to prove I could still get them (if) I wanted to. I never had any intentions of getting back with any ex on a serious level.

      My way of dealing with relationships is if you are "in love" then you give it your (all) or very best. If for any reason you end up breaking up there is nothing left for you do that could have changed the end result. (Your all or your best is all that you have). If it was not good enough then most likely you selected the "wrong mate" to begin with.

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