Is it possible to love again?
Soul mate Vs Sole mate
Not long ago someone posed the question: Can you be happy with anyone other than your soul mate? There are over 7 Billion people on this planet. In all likelihood there is more than one person for everyone. While I do believe in the concept of a soul mate I do not believe there is "sole-mate" as in only one person who is "perfect" for you. Everyone we fall in love with is "the one" until we realize they are not. As human beings we evolve overtime. Our needs and wants change. What was perfect for you at ages 16, 19, or 25 may not seem so perfect at 35, 45, 55 or beyond. The truth is we may have a number of soul mates over the years. There is no such thing as a “sole mate” as in only (one person) on the whole planet that is like a needle in a haystack where we must invest a lot of energy trying to locate.
Defining Soul Mate
The underlying definition of a "soul mate" is connecting with a person who wants what you want and feels as strongly about you as you do about them. Naturally this would mean if the relationship ended with a breakup or a divorce something changed for one of you. Someone decided his or her life would be better off without the other person in it. If you don't want to be with someone or they don't want to be with you then I would say you are not (life-long) soul mates.
Time Will Tell
Time together is the only way to measure if someone is your (life-long) soul mate. Timing and projection of feelings are two important keys in determining if someone is our soul mate along with chemistry and desire. Since most relationships begin with both people trying to "impress" each other and rarely saying (no) to one another it's natural to feel you’ve met “the one” over and over again. It's not until you see each other's "authentic self" that you feel differently.
Discarding Rose Colored Glasses
Too often people recall a high school or college sweetheart they had that was often their first love and they label him or her as their “soul mate”. Every relationship after that they never came close to having the same depth of intimacy and feelings. However the truth is we refuse to allow ourselves to open up that way again.
It's human nature to romanticize our past or have "selective memories" as well as use the "unforeseen circumstances or obstacles" to enhance our beautiful but tragic ending. In reality if two people (really) want to be together they will do whatever it takes to make it happen! Kings have abdicated their thrones or have gone to war. Men and women have left their spouses with children and so on. We choose to do what we think is in our best interest. If you didn’t stay together then he or she was not “the one”. In a world with more than 7 Billion people in it odds are fairly high there is more than one soul mate for each of us. You just have to be willing to let go of the past, open your heart to receive and give love to another person. It takes more courage to love a second, third, or fourth time but it’s possible.
The concept of "soul mate" is based upon believing our options for love are finite in a world that has infinite possibilities.
Falling in love again....
Comments
AUTHORBenny, Thanks for reading my hub and taking the time to post a comment. You made some excellent points!
Yah, it is possible to love again. A number of studies have indicated in the world we live nowadays, it usually takes more than three breakups to find the true one. After two breakups, some feel it's time to quit the dream of a married life. They feel they will never love against because of the continuous hurts as a result of a breakup.
A person should never give up. You will get yours but not as quickly as you expect. Some are lucky on their first date, for others like myself, it takes several breakups to finally be glued in the 'till death do us apart' marriage.
As you always say, in a world of 7 billion men and women, you can't say there is no one who is truly yours. There is a soul mate for you but it may take several breakups and hurts along the way to finally rest on yours truly for life.
- AUTHOR
I absolutely agree with you jan_12am.
We live on a planet with over (7 Billion people) on it!
It's silly to believe that only "one person" would make an ideal mate for each of us and if for some reason that relationship fails that's it!
Scarcity has always been used as a device to enhance love and romance. Odds are there are thousands if not millions of people who would have all the traits any us could might have on our "must have lists".
It is very possible to love again and again. That's what humanity is about. If for some reason it doesn't work out with one person, grieve, then there after move on and open the heart for another.
- AUTHOR
It also depends on how "open" one is to explore their available options.
Most of us spend the vast majority of time looking for ways to (exclude rather than include) potential prospects.
There are over 7 Billion people on the planet!
The odds are in everyone's favor with a number that large that there multiple people who'd have the traits we want for our ideal mate as well as them feeling the same towards us.
However if I said my "soul-mate" must be of my same race it's possible I may be eliminating 6 Billion+ people sight unseen!
If I say this person must presently live in my own country, state, or city that pretty much eliminates just about everyone else especially if my city only has 25,000 residents. This is all before we get to height, weight, education, occupation, hobbies & interests! A drop from 7 Billion to 25,000! Whew!
Is it any wonder why people have such a difficult time finding a "soul-mate"? They paint themselves into a corner/reduce their odds by eliminating almost everyone before even meeting them!
Thanks for your comment peachpurple.
if you are determine to , yes, you may find your soul mates in a couple of years or maybe the next month. depends on your luck!
- AUTHOR
shahkar-khan, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.
We never want to feel the same level of heartache again so we create distractions or find ways to keep a little distance or one foot outside of the relationships we form. It really does take more courage to fall "in love" a second, third, or fourth time. Most people want someone to love and commit to them on a deeper level then they themselves are willing to do!
right! we often do refuse to open ourselves that way again.
- AUTHOR
AmandaJon, Isn't odd that in a world with over 7 billion people that so many of us (choose) to believe there is not only just (one) person for us but he or she must also reside in our town at this very moment.
Awhile back I wrote a hub: "The One: Separating Myth from Reality" and it I point out just how easily (we cut our options down) for finding love by the way we choose to (exclude) or (include) people. If I say "the one" has to be of my own race I might be eliminating 6 billion people sight unseen! Our odds of finding love just dwindles from there with each of our other "requirements". https://hubpages.com/relationships/thereismorethan...
I agree that there are more than one soul mate for everyone, if you see that a person is wrong for you then it's better to break up before it goes too far, and if you feel that this person makes you feel great every day, brighten your life then grab him/her and never let go.
this is the best article of it's type. Thank you so much for this ^_^ xoxo
- AUTHOR
DDE, Thanks so much for stopping to read my hub and posting your comment. I think it's important for people to keep things in perspective. There are over 7 billion people on the planet. For someone to believe there is (only one person) in the whole wide world they will love and receive love back is a very pessimistic way to live. It's been said: "Perception is reality". We have to believe something (can) happen before it does happen. :-)
Wow!! So true time will tell if one can love again, and I totally agree with you.
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