ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Is Sexuality a Choice?

Updated on May 27, 2017

Everyday, it seems like the world is producing more and more terms to describe sexuality, from simply being gay or bisexual, to pansexual, polysexual or asexual as generally the most basic orientations. But really, can you simply 'choose' to be gay?


Source

For me personally, sexuality can be fluid. Up until I was thirteen, I was convinced I was completely straight, 100%, no doubt about it. Looking back, I realise that there must have been some kind of underlying, built in prejudice existing in my sub conscience - I was perfectly happy to accept anybody else coming out, but myself? No way. Had to be straight.


Accepting Yourself Can Be Harder Than Accepting Other People Sometimes

All my friends told me I must be bi. Deep down, part of me knew that I was also attracted to girls. Even my then-boyfriend was convinced... but it took me a very long time to finally come out to my friends, when I was thirteen. But even then, I thought I was faking it. Part of me always thought I was pretending to like girls because I was 'supposed' to - it fits the stereotype of the sort of person I am. It wasn't until a year later, when I realised I had a crush on one of my close female friends, that it hit me - I actually do like girls.

And then it dawned upon me - what if the whole reason I was so uncomfortable with my sexuality, was because I was trying to pretend I liked guys? I've been with one cisgender male in my lifetime, two girls and two transgender males. However, Id been most comfortable with the girls, and people love to mention how I was clearly more attracted to people with female bodies...


Source

It's Okay Not To Know

But still to this day, there are times when I feel like Im 'faking' my sexuality - whether it be my attraction to males or females. Ive recently come to think that maybe I am just a simple asexual - someone who doesn't feel sexually attracted to anyone, really. Or maybe Im panromantic, because when it comes down to it, does it even really phase me, what gender someone is?

It was at this point when I started to realise how separate sexual and romantic attraction could be. Ive found myself wanting to be in relationships with people regardless of their gender - a persons gender does not particularly matter to me. But when it comes to sexual feelings, I don't really think that much of it. I once told my boyfriend, sex is like a sandwich - you can make one really easily, and its nice, sure, but nothing will ever compare to a subway!


Source

So..... Can You Choose Your Sexuality?

My point is, I personally have struggled with coming to terms with my sexuality, and after three years of experimentation, Im still extremely unsure! But Ive decided that the label I give myself doesn't matter - I don't need one. I like people for who they are, and my interest - whether platonic, romantic or sexual - is not majorly influenced by their gender. But what's important, is that you are authentically yourself. Be with whoever you're comfortable being with! Some people just aren't attracted to members of the same sex, and thats just as okay as the people who are. Sexuality is not a choice - Ive spent many long months trying to force myself to be attracted to someone who I just don't feel that way towards. You cant control your attraction to a specific person - it comes and goes. Most people have hat that moment of, 'oh shit, I have a crush on you!' But at the same time, imagine someone you don't like in that way trying to force you to be in a relationship with them. It wouldn't be comfortable, you just wouldn't work as a pairing.

Its the same with gender. If you're not attracted to girls, thats okay, and if you're not attracted to guys, thats okay too, whatever gender you are. Be true to yourself, because at the end of the day, your sexuality is just a small thread in the web of what makes you who you are. You cant control it, so try to accept what is.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)