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Is your partner an on-line cheater?

Updated on March 25, 2011


Internet socializing is the hottest trend these days. You can correspond, flirt and chat with anyone around the world without ever having to meet them face to face. In the United States, My Space accounts for nearly half of 2007’s 54 million social-network memberships, according to Datamonitor:

My Space: 47.4%

Facebook: 18.2%

Google’s You Tube and Orkut: a combined 7.6%

Flickr 7.1%

With all this on-line chatting, networking and overall communication. Where is the cyber friend line crossed and when should you begin to worry that your partner has crossed the line?

If you are in a relationship, is flirting with another on-line cheating or just an innocent act?

I have numerous friends who think talking or even flirting sexually is okay because “I’ll never meet them anyway.” But I am here to say that it is cheating. I found emails and suggestive images on my boyfriends social connections all too many times. Telling the other how “hot” they are, how he would love to meet them, how he couldn’t stop thinking of them. When I read these things I was engulfed with pain. To me, cheating does not have to be the act of sex. Emotional cheating is just as painful. In my heart he went outside of our relationship to fulfill his needs, and that was wrong. He excused his behavior saying we were fighting or not getting along well at that time. That he had to talk with someone to fill his needs emotionally. Is that an excuse? Not a chance.

There are many signs of on-line cheating, ask yourself if this is happening to you in your relationship?

Your partner spends a lot of time on the computer- It is excessive, meaning, we all pay our bills, check our email, research, just to name a few on the internet. But his/her activity on the computer is taking much longer than it used to.

Your partner has changed his passwords on the computer- This is a HUGE warning. And trust me they have good excuses for it. There was a virus, I couldn’t remember the old one are a couple common ones. But all in all, why the secrecy? Your relationship is based on trust right? There should nothing to hide.

Your partner is on the computer late at night while you are asleep- Personally, mine would be up to late hours on the computer. I would ask him what he was doing and he would respond that he could not sleep and was playing on-line games. Games is what he was doing alright. Being on while you are sleeping gives your partner the best opportunity to have time alone with the other without worry of you interrupting.

When you come into the room your partner shuts down the computer- Hmm-once is understandable, a fluke. But if this is happening more than once it is something to be concerned with.

Exhibit’s the need to be on-line and is defensive when questioned about it- If confronted, your partner may try to reverse the situation. They might pick a fight so that they can throw the issue back at you.


Of course these are just a few signs of internet cheating. My best advice is, go with your gut. Intuition is there for a reason. It never fails. But, if you have been in a relationship with this person for some time, you know when they are lying. The signs are there. But if you are unsure, there are body movements that can also give you a hint. While confrontation they:

Avoid eye contact


Biting lips or smiling when confronted

Being fidgety or scratching of the nose

Crossing of the arms or other defensive movements


Being the victim of cheating, and yes you read it right, victim, is one of the worst feelings a person may experience. You feel betrayed, hurt and vulnerable. The trust you once had is gone. Your partners actions will be forever questioned. Just try to remember that you are valuable. You have worth. Don’t allow this person to take that from you. You were without them at one point, you can be without them again. Find support with friends, family or support groups. Being cheated on can be devastating, but by all means, do not let it destroy you.





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    • PaulaHenry1 profile image

      PaulaHenry1 7 years ago from America

      Peter- so sorry to hear this. I agree that the pain is quite real and just as devastating even though there is no sex involved-yet! It would be only a matter of time before something more was needed from the online cheating (my opinion of course)- better to know now then later-as hard as that is.

    • profile image

      peter f 7 years ago

      i just had the same experience with my wife of 10 years .i thought we had the fairytale relationship, boy was i wrong .The problem is she works in an office so its not happening at home.But i found out completely by accident because i didnt exspect this .and your right they really dont believe its cheating.let me tell you the feeling is the same whether its skin to skin or chat rooms you still feel the hurt

    • profile image

      lynnechandler 7 years ago

      I divorced my husband over this issue. Great hub!

    • profile image

      PaulaHenry 7 years ago

      Thanks Dawn- unfortunately I had to learn first hand.

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Great hub!!, I posted this on the forum a while back and I think that you nailed it in this hub! You said a very good point and that is you are going outside of the marriage, now this can be done with a professional who puts the boundaries on the conversation, but this is usually not the case with on line chatting. Real emotions get exchanged and it can have a dramatic affect on the marriage. So I would venture to say if you don't mind your spouse reading what you wrote than do it, but if you are hiding it from your spouse than you know you are doing something wrong........