- Gender and Relationships
Is He A Can Do or Can't Do Type Of Guy?
Most women don't like men who can't problem solve. Either figure out a way to fit us in your life, or don't. Excuses are unattractive and lame...
When you meet a guy, you can usually find out rather quickly if he is a Can Do guy—a guy that can make things happen in regards to you and your relationship, or a Can't Do guy—a guy that has more excuses than solutions.
With some men, figuring out which type of guy he is can be fairly simple. But, how do you determine this when he is actually a Can't Do type of guy who represents himself as a Can Do type when you meet him?
Asking the right questions can help to determine which type of guy he is, however (and unfortunately) time is usually the revealing factor. The more time you invest, the harder it will be for him to hide his true nature. Also know, a Can Do guy can change into a Can't Do guy—as lack of interest for you arises. Of course, there are some men that are just lazy daters and don't feel the need to put in any effort—regardless of their feelings for you. Deciphering the differences can be tricky if you're not paying attention.
It's important to know and recognize the differences between a Can Do and a Can't Do guy.
Although, like I mentioned, if you aren't paying attention, things can start to change right under your nose. Unfortunately, during the beginning of many relationships it's hard to fully know the type you are dating, since most men (not all) will lead with their best foot forward in order to date you, sleep with you or possibly win your heart.
Most Can Do guys will be aggressive when it comes to getting your attention—he will say and do all the right things. He will call and text you. He will schedule and plan dates—as well as contact you to confirm. He will offer to pick you for the date (although the first few dates it's always safer to meet in a neutral location), and after several dates (or once you’re comfortable enough), he will insist on picking you up when you go out. And, before the end of the actual date or by the next day, you will already know when you will be seeing him again. Sounds perfect right? But does this last?
A Can't Do type of guy will text more often than call—if he actually calls at all. When he does text, his text messages will usually be so infrequent that you're not even sure if he's really that into you. If he does text that he wants to see you, he will never make an actual plan or follow up to finalize any tentative plans that he might "sort-of-make” —and “wanting” to see you will usually be a last minute thought. A Can't Do guy isn't about making much of an effort when it comes to keeping your interest or making you feel special—usually because he's most likely stringing multiple women along, only wants to have sex with you, or is emotionally unavailable. Wonderful.
Although it's great to be able to recognize a Can't Do type of guy right off the bat, how do you spot one that had represented himself as a Can Do—after your heart is already invested?
There are many men who act like they are Can Do types of guys, but in actuality, they are Can't Do men. Great! Unfortunately, some guys are like sprinters when it comes to dating. They will give all they have (in the romance department), using all their speed and endurance (showing they care for you)—for the first two hundred yard dash mark (several weeks or first few months), and then they have nothing more that they can or want to give. Other men, are very aware that they aren't a Can Do guy, but due to their attraction for you—a.k.a. wanting to sleep with you, they will pretend that they are Can Do guys in order to win your trust.
Like I said, time will always reveal what type of guy he really is. Deciding on what you are looking for and what you want in a relationship will determine how quickly you will end up sleeping with a guy or getting emotionally invested before knowing exactly the type he is.
Signs of a Can't Do Guy:
1. He has more excuses as to why he can't find time to call you versus calling you.
2. He has excuse after excuse as to why he can't see you—work, he's tired, stuff going on in his personal life (kids, ex-wife drama, family, etc.), he has other activities he's committed too (coaching sports, plays on a league, golfing, etc.), has plans with his friends, family, or is watching sports.
3. When he travels he will come up with a million excuses as to why he can't possibly find time to call you or even text.
4. He has excuse after excuse as to why you haven't met his friends or family.
5. He breaks plans with you—using some excuse, and doesn't suggest a rain-check date.
6. He has many excuses as to why planning a date would just be too hard for him.
7. He will plan/go on trips and will give you excuses as to why you're not invited.
The common thread of a Can't Do guy....Excuses, Excuses, Excuses! When you start to hear a bunch of excuses you will know that you are dealing with a Can't Do guy. Run!
What's frustrating is when a guy represents himself to be a Can Do guy, but isn't. A huge part of what makes a woman's heart flutter and swoon is being with a guy who can figure ways to fit her in his life. Women love men who can problem solve. We love men who make time for us and rank us high on their priority list. A very unattractive quality that a man can have is being full of excuses. Not sexy.
Dating a guy who represented himself to be a Can Do type of guy, but instead ends up being a Can't Do type, is a huge disappointment.
I dated a guy that approached me with so much confidence—acting like he was a Can Do guy. Very attractive. The thought of him being a Can Do guy definitely made him more attractive in my eyes. He would go out of his way to plan dates and find time to see me. Even though this guy was busy, he figured out ways to make me feel important without hesitation. Unfortunately, after a few months, he became the Can't Do guy...
When he would travel or spend time with his family and friends he would disappear with no contact, giving every excuse as to why he couldn't possibly call me. Interesting, since the first three months of dating he would call and text every day—several times a day. Planning dates started waning and finding time for me faded.
Here's the thing, I didn't just start dating yesterday. When a man suddenly changes from being a Can Do guy, to a Can't (possibly) Do, in a short amount of time, it means that he wasn't that into me. When I expressed my assessment of his dramatic change, he told me that it had nothing to do with him not liking me—he was just busy. Hmmm. In truth, I would rather accept that it was his lack of interest in me versus the idea that he was incapable of balancing multiple things in his life—which is not only a Red Flag, but a very, very unattractive quality.
Anyone can figure out ways to see you and have you be in their life—if they want to. If the communication you have with a guy is more about what he can't do versus what he can, this is a glimpse of what your future will be like. Yikes!
Ladies, there will be no guessing with an authentic Can Do type of guy. He will be very consistent in his actions. He will not only call, text and make plans, he will also let you know when he can see you versus when he can't. He won't give you a bunch of excuses, instead he will give you solutions. He will make time for you regardless of how busy his schedule is. He will make you feel like you are on the top of his priority list—because you will be. Basically, a Can Do guy will do everything he can to be with you and to make the relationship work.
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