- Gender and Relationships
Is He A Can Do or Can't Do Type of Guy?
Most women will easily shutdown—emotionally and physically—from a man who cannot problem solve. Either figure out a way to fit us into your life, or don't. Excuses are unattractive and lame.
When we meet a guy, we can usually find out rather quickly if he is a Can Do guy—a guy that can make things happen regarding us and our relationship, or a Can't Do guy (aka: Won't Do guy)—a guy that has more excuses than solutions.
With some men, figuring out which type of guy he is can be fairly simple. But, how do we determine this when he is actually a Can't Do type of guy who represents himself as a Can Do type when we meet him?
Asking the right questions can help determine which type of guy he is, however (and unfortunately) time is usually the revealing factor.
The more time we invest, the harder it will be for him to hide his true nature. Also buyer beware, a Can Do guy can change into a Can't Do guy—if for any reason his interest towards us starts to fade. Of course, there are some men that are just lazy daters and don't feel the need to put in any effort—regardless of their feelings for us. Deciphering the differences can be tricky if we are not paying attention.
It is important to know and recognize the differences between a Can Do and a Can't Do guy.
Although, like I mentioned, if we are not paying attention, things can start to change right under our nose. Unfortunately, during the beginning of many relationships it is hard to fully know the type of guy we are dating—since most men (not all) will lead with their best foot forward to date, have sex with us or possibly win our heart. This is exactly why rushing (or skipping over) the dating stage can causes the demise of a relationship before it has even started.
Most Can Do guys will be aggressive when it comes to getting our attention—he will say and do all the right things.
He will call and text you. He will schedule and plan dates—as well as contact you to confirm. He will offer to pick you up for the date (although the first few dates it is always safer to meet in a neutral location—if you don't know him), and after several dates (or once you are comfortable enough), he will insist on always picking you up when you go out. And, before the end of the actual date or by the next day, you will already know when you will be seeing him again. This man doesn't play games. Sounds perfect right? But does this last?
A Can't Do type of guy will text more often than call—if he actually calls at all.
When he does text, his text messages will usually consist of him asking, “what are you doing,” but with no plans or frankly desire to actually see you (creating excitement with a huge letdown) and will be so infrequent that you are not even sure if he is that into you. If he does text that he wants to see you, he will never make an actual plan or follow up to finalize any “tentative plans” that he might "sort-of-made”—and “wanting” to see you will usually be a last minute thought (Ugh!).
Basically, a Can't Do guy is not about making much of an effort when it comes to keeping your interest, making you feel special or a priority—usually because he is juggling and stringing multiple women along—only wanting to have sex with you or is emotionally unavailable. Wonderful.
Although it is great to recognize a Can't Do type of guy right off the bat, how do we spot one that had misrepresented himself as a Can Do—after our emotions are invested?
There are many men who act like they are Can Do types of guys, but in actuality, they are Can't Do men. Great! Unfortunately, some guys are like sprinters when it comes to dating.
They will give all they have (in the romance department), using all their speed and endurance (showing they care for us)—for the first one hundred to four hundred yard dash mark (several weeks or first few months), and then they have nothing more that they can or want to give. Other men, are aware that they are not a Can Do guy, but due to their attraction for us—a.k.a. wanting sex—they will pretend they are Can Do guys to win our trust.
Time will always reveal what type of guy he is…
Deciding on what we ultimately want in a relationship (casual or commitment) might determine how quickly we will end up sleeping with a guy or getting emotionally invested before knowing exactly the type he is.
8 Signs of a Can't Do Guy:
1. He will have more excuses why he cannot find time to call you versus just calling.
2. He has excuse after excuse why he can't see you—work, he is tired, “stuff” going on in his personal life (kids, ex-wife drama, family, etc.), he has other activities he is committed to (coaching sports, plays on a league, golfing, etc.), has plans with his friends, family, or is watching sports.
3. When he travels he will come up with a million excuses why he can't possibly find time to call you or even text.
4. He has excuse after excuse for why you have not met his friends or family.
5. He will break plans with you—using some excuse—and does not suggest a rain-check date.
6. He has many excuses why planning a date would just be too hard for him.
7. He will plan/go on trips and will give excuses why you are not invited.
8. He will promise you things (trips, dates, fun activities to do) but will rarely or never follow through.
The common thread of a Can't Do guy....Excuses, Excuses, Excuses! Ladies, when we start to hear a bunch of excuses we are dealing with a Can't Do guy. Run!
Not all things are simple...
What's frustrating is when a guy represents himself to be a Can Do guy, but isn't.
A huge part of what makes a woman's heart flutter and swoon is being with a guy who can figure ways to fit her in his life. Women love men who can problem solve. We love men who make time for us and rank us high on their priority list—this makes us feel wanted, desired, valued and sexy. An unattractive quality that a man can have is being full of excuses. Not sexy, nor a panty dropper.
Dating a guy who represented himself to be a Can Do type of guy, but instead ends up being a Can't Do type, is a huge disappointment.
I dated a guy that approached me with so much confidence—acting like he was a Can Do guy. This was extremely attractive. The thought of him being a Can Do guy definitely made him more attractive in my eyes. He would go out of his way to plan dates and find time to see me. Even though this guy was busy, he figured out ways to make me feel important without hesitation. Unfortunately, after a few months, he became the Can't Do guy...
When he would travel or spend time with his friends or family he would disappear with no contact, giving every excuse why he couldn't possibly call me. Interesting, since the first three months of dating he would call and text daily—several times a day. Planning dates started waning and finding time for me faded. Yikes!
Here's the thing, I didn't just start dating yesterday. When a man suddenly changes from being a Can Do guy, to a Can't (possibly) Do, in a short amount of time, it means he wasn't that into me.
When I expressed my assessment of his dramatic change, he told me it had nothing to do with him not liking me—he was just busy. Hmmm. In truth, I would rather accept it was his disinterest in me versus the idea that he was incapable of balancing multiple things in his life—a Red Flag and an unattractive quality.
I can only put up with so much bull and my tolerance level for this type of behavior is short. My Exes lack of actions in making me feel important in his life continued and I became bored, frustrated, disconnected, disinterested and done.
Anyone can figure out ways to see you and have you be in their life—if they want to.
If the communication you have with a guy is more about what he can't do versus what he can, this is a glimpse of what your future will be like. Scary!
Ladies, there will be no guessing with an authentic Can Do type of guy. He will be consistent in his actions. He will not only call, text and make plans, he will also let you know when he can see you versus when he can't. He will not give you a bunch of excuses, instead he will give you solutions. He will make time for you regardless of how busy his schedule is. He will make you feel like you are on the top of his priority list—because you will be.
Bottom line, a Can Do guy will see how special, important, beautiful and valuable you are in his life and will do everything he can to be with you, and to make the relationship work. You will know through his actions that he genuinely cares for you and wants you in his life because he won't waist time making excuses.